25% cooked

That's sort of fun. 3 more weeks and I'll be 1/3 cooked. Or, the baby will be. Still feeling pretty gross, and am falling asleep on the couch after school despite the fact that there is a very active 2.5 year old within 30cm of me, being, well, a 2.5 year old. He's really good about waking me up though. Usually it involves him jumping on me and yelling "GOTCHA! GOTCHA MUM!". Super fun. He did though, yesterday, say "nap?" and I said "yes, babe, I would love to have a nap." He said, "ok" and put a pillow on me, kissed my arm, and said "nigh nigh" and wandered off. If only, if ONLY, he could be trusted to not destroy things inside of 30 seconds, I might actually be able to nod off for a few minutes. No such luck. He wandered off to find a cat to terrorize. It was a nice thought though.

Not really a lot else going on I'm afraid. I'm going to go shower while the showering is good. That is, while the boy is napping. Not sure what else we'll get into today. Probably not anything too exciting. Might try to take some nice fall pics of him outside. Exciting, I know!

stupid blog

won't publish. The other site is working fine, they both go to the same server, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just making this new lovely post to try to get it publishing again. Lovely!

the way things work

not that most of you will understand this, but I will not be getting my B contract this year. It's not done here like it is....everywhere else, apparently. Here, the job is advertised as either a D (one year) or B (permanent) contract, and that's how it stays. So, new people can swoop in and take B jobs, and others can work for years and never get it, because there's not one in their subject or geographic area.

Lame. I was putting off telling my boss to see if I might get my B, but that's not going to happen, so I might as well tell them now. The only benefit other than being paid all year is that you have the security of knowing you'll be back at the same school the next year. Which is nice.

Anyway, so I still feel like garbage, nothing new to report there. I went through all my clothes on the weekend, Erin donated some fat pants to me, which was great. About half of them were mine anyway, some of them I really like, but they were too big. Not anymore! Anyway. I put away things that are like, size 6-8 (I don't have a lot of size 6 things, rest assured, but I do have a couple!), because I'm not right now, and tops that only just fit before, and really summery stuff. I feel very organised. Now I just have to go through and put on hangers and in drawers all my fat / maternity clothes, and I'll be all set. I didn't bother putting away any sweaters, because they're stretchy.

In week 10, pretty excited about that. Having supper tomorrow with my friend Amy, who had her first baby at the same time as I had Kieran, and she's now expecting in December. Should be fun. We went to visit Tiresa and Isabel yesterday (and Dave, but Dads generally get left out of the whole thing, sorry), and Kieran was super cute, trying to soothe the baby, telling her "ok, ok" and petting her (very gently for a 2 year old, but perhaps not as gentle as Mum might) on the head. He loves babies, which I take as a good sign, but it's always easier to love something that you get to leave at the end of the day.

so now I'm worried

not about anything serious, sorry to alarm you. I've been re-reading my old preggo blog archives, and it's helping in a lot of ways, because I really don't remember feeling *this* awful all the time, but I think, in re-reading, that I did. The thing that worries me is that I got worse around this time, as far as like, vomiting in the shower, and so on. So, that's gross.

The kidney bean baby seems to be doing well, if my feeling terrible is any indication. I have a dr. appt on Wednesday, and though I'm quite sure they're not going to do a blessed thing, you never know. I should be going for blood tests soon, that'll be another day off work. I love days off work.

Went to a wedding last night, which was pretty fun. Stayed up too late, and snuck into the kitchen with 2 other ladies to clean up some of the leftover food. The only bad part about not drinking was that I got tired of the juice and pop scene, and for some reason I don't really like WATER right now (seriously!), so I really wanted chocolate milk, but there wasn't any. They had homo milk for kahlua and milks, but that's just gross.

I'm off to find something to drink. Not water though. Juice is good.

I need to complain

and I think my family has had enough of it directly, so here you go, internet. Today has been gross. I wore pants that are a bit too big, but still had to unbutton them if I sat at my desk for a while. I feel like I'm going to vomit, with some really strong waves throughout the day of like, oh, god, I really am going to... and I'm alternating between feeling so hungry that I might fall down and feeling so full (halfway through my small meal) that I am just insanely uncomfortable.

that's all I guess.

scary sh*t.

I swear, I have pants that don't fit. Already. I would not be so alarmed if I had gained some weight, but I have not. Unless I suck my stomach in (like, not breathing at all) I have a lovely little paunch. If I just hold it in normally, good posture and all that, it sticks out. Wtf? Not that I was like, svelte before, but this is outlandish. I have to go to a wedding this weekend, and am definitely not going to be able to wear the very nice fitted dress that I had planned to wear. I wore it to the wedding of 2 friends last year, and it would have been great, same time of year and everything. NO GO. I don't even think the Spanx will help, and they're pretty powerful. I'll have to see. I must have some nice low-rise pants that will do the trick.

Staying at work late tonight, meet the teacher at 5:30. No sense going home in between, because (and Grant and I agree on this) there's no way I can count on him to be home on time for me to leave and be back here on time. SO, I'll stay. Chat, update blogs, you know. Eat snacks. I'm doing a lot of that lately. I had to stop and get myself a cheeseburger on the way home last night. And the "had to" is not even an exaggeration. I was so hungry I was going to vomit. Which, admittedly is a more familiar feeling as of late than usual, but still. Gross. I had cake last week, good, homemade cake, and I took a bite, and I couldn't eat it. Take a moment to let that sink in.

wtf? I have never, ever, not eaten a piece of cake.

I need to go eat some more cheesey ritzes.

do things always have to get worse before they get better?

the smell of my deoderant is making me (more) nauseated. I ate a pb and banana sandwich, and it was delicious, which is nice since the only things that have been delicious lately have been pretty unhealthy. Cheeseburgers, fries, chips. Crackers, which aren't terrible for you, but aren't really meant to be more than half your food supply.

so gross

While, knock on wood, I haven't actually thrown up yet, I feel so gross, all the time. It helps to eat, but only really while I'm eating, and I don't think I can just eat constantly for the next 8 months. And it's not healthy stuff either, although apples are tasty. Mostly it's like, chips, burgers, crackers. Salty stuff. I picked up some ginger today in caplets, I think the chewy candied stuff would be too strong. So, I just took 2 caplets, I'll let you know how it goes. I burped and it tasted like ginger, so it must be in there. I don't remember feeling great while pregnant with Kieran, but I don't remember feeling this awful all the time. And definitely not before 6 weeks. I even checked. So, that's pretty fun. So now I've got myself convinced that it's like, twins, and that's why it's so much worse. It's supposed to be not as bad, according to what I've read, but from people I know, it has been as bad or worse, so...helpful.

I feel gross. I'm going to eat something and then vegetate.

mostly everyone knows now

I really hadn't planned to tell many people, but that just shows you what planning can do for you. All the parents know, and siblings. Grant told everyone he made eye contact with this weekend, which is nice in a way, that he's excited, but also sort of ... because we're so early, I feel sort of silly telling people. Yes, thanks, we're 6 weeks along! Of 40! Wooh!

No showing yet, which is to be expected, but I'm nervous because most of what I read says that you show about a month earlier than with the first, and I was quite obviously pregnant by 3 months with Kieran. I can just see me all enormous in like 2 weeks. Good lord. I feel like a great big pile of ass, and am going to start an official petition to change the name from morning sickness to just like, pregnancy related nausea. Not as catchy, but it's not in any way related to the morning. I thought eating would help, so the other day I ate enough for about 3 days in the one day, and it didn't help at all. And I can't keep doing that unless I want to gain 80lbs this time. Which I don't, really. I still have a nice little paunch from my dear boy, which I blame largely on the giganticness of the belly and also on the appendectomy scar. No fun. Anyway, I will keep you posted, but no pics yet, because it would just be me, relatively normal.

I have to go to bed now. Work tomorrow, with children! Should be a pretty good week, but I am already exhausted and have the beginnings of a delightful cold forming, for which I cannot take ANYTHING. I even checked on echinachea, and the pharmacist said it's a no-go, since it's so new and they just can't be sure.

Sigh.

so..

still haven't told anyone. Including you, probably! So shhhh.

Grant was so busy on Friday, we (yes, we, I scanned all 64 pages, thanks) only got his final in just after midnight (it wasn't due until 4am, so no worries there), and then my parents were up, and so...no time. So now I don't know. I need to tell someone, I'm going bananas. I actually had to lie to my mom, because it's about that time, you know, when people start expecting another baby to come along any time now. So we were talking about that, I was joking about how I'll try for a girl for the next one, because every time we're out we see such beautiful little girly things (although really, really, I'll be happy if this one is a boy also. Kieran is fantastic, and it'd be a lot easier in many ways to have another boy.) so anyway, I told her I'd keep her posted, but as far as I knew I wasn't knocked up yet. She said, are you sure? You had your period in Maine, have you had it since then? Yes, sure have! Sorry Mom. Put me on the spot though! I don't want to tell people over the phone, jeepers. I have to tell Erin in person for sure, last time I told her over the phone, because she was supposed to come to the cottage where I would have seen her, but then wasn't going to make it, and I was worried she was going to find out from someone else.

No real goings-on yet. Started work today, and am glad for the thus-far lack of any barfiness. Supposedly the 2nd time is better for "morning" sickness, but I know a few people who did not find that to be true. One girl actually was not sick at all with her first, and was so sick she had to be medicated the 2nd time around. She had a girl the 2nd time too though, and that's another myth, that you're more sick with a girl. I was sick, but not too badly, with Kieran, so we'll see if that one holds true. Remember I barfed in the shower? That was gross.

I'd like to ask Grant how he'd like me to tell him about our "next" pregnancy, but can't think how to do that without arousing suspicion. Much like the taking the 'rents to A&W. I also just had a perfect opportunity to ask him, because a girl on TV was calling her semi-boyfriend to tell him, and I was like, wow, not a great way to deliver that news. But Grant didn't acknowledge it. Jerk. He's playing on Facebook, so, quite busy.

I'm going to bite the bullet and publish this bad boy, if only so I can obsessively check the little baby ticker thing at the bottom. Whee! So don't tell anyone if I haven't told you like, in person yet. Thanks. And, sorry if this is how you're finding out. What are you doing reading this page anyway??

deja vu

all over again.

I'm reading my posts from last time I was at this stage. I'm so, so glad I decided to journal everything from last time. Mostly the only thing I remember from last time is the being pregnant, hugely so (although Tiresa beat me on that front, big time). I remember other stuff, but I don't remember, until I read it, the feeling of like, no, I'm probably not really pregnant, the test was wrong, I'll have my period....tomorrow. But that's exactly what I had written last time. It just doesn't seem real yet I guess. I haven't told anybody, which is part of it. I may tell my sister today, I need to tell someone. I may also tell Grant tonight. I hadn't just because he was so stressed with his final, but that's done, so game on. No brilliant ideas other than making Kieran a t-shirt that says "big brother: 26-04-08". I'm not sure Grant would notice though, is the thing. I'll think of something. But yes, my parents are coming up tomorrow, and I'd like to tell them in person. My mom and I had talked a while ago, and my dad thinks that A&W ad is awesome, where they get his parents supper and they get the dad a grandpa burger. I'd have to get Dad 2 though for him to get it. I don't think they make grandma burgers. Again. I'll think of something. Grant is actually going away tomorrow, but I don't think he'd mind. He was sort of hiding out when I told them last time at the cottage, he stayed home, but that was a bit different.

So yes. I'm having some lunch, Kieran is napping. Have I told you how great he is? Sure, he's 2, and he acts it sometimes, but mostly, he's great. He just decided he was tired, and went up to have a nap. GREAT. Love him so much. He's in a big bed now, so we usually have a cuddle before bed, which is really nice.

That's it for now. I'm not even publishing this yet, so basically I'm talking to myself. Nice!

here we go again

oooh ooh ooh

I'm pretty sure that's a song.

So, I sort of had this feeling that maybe I was pregnant, but I generally think that every month. Why? Who knows. So, I'm thinking probably I'm not, just my general paranoia.

Turns out, not so much.

Interesting.

Do me a favour though, if you're reading this, and it's not like, common knowledge, be a dear and don't spread it around. I'm pretty sure nobody reads this anymore, but I did just pass the address along to my dear frien Jenn for her sister, so if either of you is reading, SHHHH. While I'm not quite in the same situation as with Kieran, this won't come as a "wooohooo, we're pregnant again!" moment, I don't think. Except for the grandparents. Those guys are pretty funny. So, I now have the wonderful task of waiting, trying to figure out when / how to tell the man (not this week, he's writing a final for what will quite likely be the hardest of all his masters courses. no need to add to that stress!). I'd like to get through telling everyone with no crying this time. I cried when I told Grant about Kieran, because I was so worried about what it would mean for us. You'll recall things were different then as far as jobs and living arrangements. I cried when I told my parents because, well, same reason basically. I felt like I was 14 and knocked up by my inappropriate boyfriend. He wasn't inappropriate, that's just how nervous I felt. This time, it should be less scary. I'm going to even try to think of some interesting / creative way to tell people. Maybe.

Apparently the 2nd time around is a fair bit different from the first. It will be for me in a lot of ways. Different city, for one. Living with the man, for another. I'll be able to send him out to do my midnight craving bidding. I only made him go get me ice cream once last time, and that was at about week 40 and more because I just felt he'd gotten off too easy thus far than because I really thought I needed it. Also things start to happen sooner, symptom wise, which could be interesting. As we speak there are some beautiful raspberries on my kitchen counter that are making me want to barf, they smell really weird. They taste fine, but the smell is enough to drive me from the room. It took me a couple of hours to even figure out what the smell WAS, since I don't normally associate gross with raspberries. That could just be me being weird though.

Anyway. That's about it for now. Babycentre.ca says my due date is April 26th. So SO strange. I'll keep you posted.

moving on

I'm republishing this badboy over at my regular page, so the new address (although probably very few updates) will be www.moderatelyspicy.com/preggoblog.

later skaters.

a few more things about babies

don't overbuy one size of diapers. Most places you can trade unopened bags for the next size, so think about whether or not your little one will be little enough for that size for the whole bag. Those things are expensive, and while your friends with smaller babies will surely appreciate the extras, it's good to be able to use them yourself.

get the onesies / diaper shirts that snap up the front, not that pull over the head, especially for nighttime. You do not want to ever have to pull a soggy / poopy shirt over your baby's head, trust me. You especially don't want to have to wrestle with that at 3am.

always, ALWAYS, buy according to the weight guidelines on clothes, not the age. Kieran is in things now that range from 3 months (he was in some 3 month things at about 1 month) to 12 months. I don't think a normal healthy baby should only weigh what he weighs now at 12 months, but what do I know. Just check the labels.

establish routines, babies like that. at the same time though, accept that you're dealing with a baby, and they don't understand about your schedule and things you need to get done. sometimes you'll have a perfect day / night, other times, not so much. work with it.

feel all clothes for softness, check out the fasteners, and smell every bath / body product before you buy. I've got some clothes that are kind of rough fabric, or that have 14 snaps you need to do up to get it on. That's just not practical for speedy diaper changes. I've also got some 'baby' products that I'm not even sure Grant would want to use, they're that strong-smelling. Also, some are only to use on 3 months and up, check the directions.

things about being pregnant

- you have no idea how big you will get, so don't go buying maternity clothes that you think will last you the whole time when you're 3-4 months along. Those 'pregnancy' pillow things they have to stick up your shirt are just not helpful either. Sorry.

- beg, borrow, and steal whatever you can to build your new wardrobe. Shop 2nd hand, eBay, whatever. The clothes are too expensive, and you wear them for too short a time to go blowing too much money. Definitely get a few nice new things though, you're worth it.

- people will stare openly at you as you approach the end of your pregnancy. Try not to be offended by it, either ignore it or enjoy it.

- while I didn't run into any strangers wanting to touch my stomach, I don't think it would have bothered me as much as I thought it would have when I started this little journey. Everyone is different though, so if creepy coworkers are bothering you, just go ahead and start rubbing their bald spots or something, or (better) be honest and tell them you don't really appreciate it.

- people will do anything for you when you're knocked up. Enjoy it. The downside (and what really bothered me, making me want to do everything for myself) was that they'll do it for you because they think you're incompetent. Seen a pregnant woman on tv lately? Now you know why people think that. I was hu-freaking-mungous, and I could always bathe and dress myself, tie my shoes, whatever. I had a hard time carrying things sometimes, because of the obstacle on my stomach, but that was about it. So, deal with that as you see fit.

- take your prenatal vitamins. Start taking them now, you just never know. I'm glad I was taking a multi-vite with folic acid when we got our little surprise, but if you're not, go get some now. If your vitamins make you sick, try just taking them at night instead of the morning, before you go buy a different brand. They're not all the same, even though the ingredients are identical, so if the night thing doesn't work, do buy another kind.

- get as much rest as your huge-ass uncomfortable body will allow you to get before the big day.

- go out as much as your huge-ass uncomfortable, tired body will allow you to go. Movies, dinners, whatever. Just go. Even when the offers of babysitting come in, it may be a while before you feel physically or mentally up for a night on the town once your precious bundle arrives.

- try to remember that almost nobody delivers on their due date, and most people who don't are on the later side of on time.

- with that in mind, also be advised that nothing can induce your baby to come early other than your doctor, and that doesn't even always work. All the other things you hear / read about are myths, and while you can go ahead and try some of them (sex, pineapple, walking) you should steer clear of others (Castor oil, for one). You're just going to have to wait it out. Babies can be very stubborn.

- enjoy it as much as possible, it's really an amazing experience. There's a tiny person in there, and when you're not vomiting or bed-bound, take a moment to think about how cool that is. You'll miss it.

moving on

for now anyway. rather than try to keep up with 2 blogs, who am I kidding, I think for now I'll resume my posting over at the regular site. I still plan to do a list of things I learned in pregnancy / new mom-hood, which I'll post here, but as Mitch mentioned, the baby *is* my moderately spicy life now, so I may as well post everything together.

random thoughts for the day

the name "jogging stroller" makes no sense, when you think about it.

I'm about to spend too much money on books about babies and sign language and stuff.

I've been wearing Kieran in his carrying pouch thing for about 2 hours, just wandering around the house and sitting at the computer, and he has hardly let out so much as a whimper of protest. He's too busy sleeping and trying to eat the straps. I really need a sling, I think they're even easier, no straps and stuff to fiddle with.

Kieran's getting a lot more active. He can now spin himself around so where he was facing north south, say, he'll be facing east west 2 minutes later. Interesting. He can support his own weight while standing, and just needs to balance himself on somebody, which I think is weird for a month old baby. He's also become much more interested in putting his mouth on everything it comes across, like his hand, or the futon, and trying to eat them.

quickie

Kieran fell asleep on his own, in his crib. He had his soother and the aquarium crib thing was on, but still, he was wide awake when I put him down, and by the time I finished peeing and went to see how he was doing, out like a light. Very excited.

come on over

I'm all by myself...well, with Kieran and the cats and fish...until Thursday at supper, so I need some visitors please! Mainly to keep myself from going crazy talking to the baby and cats, really. So yeah, call me, come over, bring me treats, whatever. Kieran's generally a pretty happy guy and loves to be cuddled, but has been having some gas / growing pains lately which make him less fun. Still damn cute, but much louder than usual.

He found his thumb the other day, but I didn't get my camera in time to get a picture. Trust that it was cute.

We went for a visit to my friend Amy who had her baby 5 days before Kieran was born. Grant went to the Blue Rodeo concert in Moncton and I spent the night with Amy and Wyatt, which was pretty fun, but we decided nobody without infants would have thought so. It's just nice to have someone to talk all the baby stuff with, and to realize that everything your baby is doing / not doing is apparently normal. He showed off for the night by only waking up at 4 and 7:30. He does pretty well most nights though, depending what time he gets his last feed before we go to bed. Usually 11/12, 3/4, 6/7. I stay in bed as long as possible after that 6/7 feeding, but it's usually only a couple of hours, sadly. 2-3 in the day, 3-4 at night, he's got it figured out pretty well. Apparently they can start sleeping through the night (missing that 3/4 feeding) any time after 6 weeks, so I'm hopeful.

This time is a bit of a mess otherwise though, there was the 2 week growth spurt, then from 3-4 weeks is their gassiest and therefore fussiest time, and then any time from 4-6 weeks is another growth spurt. So we've been alternating between days of our normal, wonderful baby who's just a treat, and days of this poor, crampy, uncomfortable and unconsolable baby who won't sleep more than 20 minutes at a go during the day and takes a long time to get back to sleep at night. I feel bad for him, we got him gripe water (the alcoholic and non-alcoholic kind, because I didn't know there was alcohol in the regular stuff...no wonder it settles him down) and Gerber gas relief stuff, but the latter doesn't seem to work at all, and the former is a significant dose of stuff that Kieran doesn't really like, so it's been fun. I try to explain things to him, but he's really just not that understanding of things at this point. Just a minute honey, mommy needs to put on pants. Hang on one second sweetie, mom's on the toilet. I'll be right there bud, I don't really need to rinse off.

Anyway, naturally he woke up while I was typing here and is now sound asleep on my chest with his nose buried in the blanket. He enjoys sleeping on his stomach so much, I can't wait for him to be able to roll over so he can at night too.

so yes, in closing, come see me. I'm going to try to put him down again so I can pee. I give a hearty salute to single mothers; I have no idea how you got through this complete dependence stage on your own. And a belated happy Mothers' Day to all moms. You're great. Thanks.

all the pictures

seriously. except for the ones I got from my mom, they're mostly quite similar to mine so I haven't put them up yet. go here. they're big, be warned, and unedited. there are no woohoo shots, but there are pictures of Kieran seconds after birth, so be prepared for some goo. They're in folders by dates, so you can figure out what's what and from when. Enjoy!