conversations with a 2 year old

almost 3, I suppose.

In the car, driving home from Becky's house (his sitter).

Mum, wook!
what honey?
moon!
yes, that is the moon. The moon is really big today, isn't it?
a cookie!
it does look like a cookie. I wonder what it would taste like?
(making struggling noises from the backseat) Can't WEACH it! Can't WEACH, mum!
It is pretty far away, you're right. Hard to reach.
Idea!
what's your idea love.
Need a wadder (ladder)!
Oh, good idea babe, but mummy doesn't have a ladder in her car. It would take an awfully big ladder to get all the way to the moon, I'm not sure we have one big enough.
Idea!
another idea? what is it.
Need a pwane!
Oh, a plane, excellent! I bet if we had a special plane we could reach the moon cookie.
mmmm, cookie. I have one?

See how he works that? all about the cookies.

He comes around the corner of the island in the kitchen the other day.

hey mum.
hey buddy.
how you mekkin out?
How am I making out? Pretty good bud, how you making out?
good.
glad to hear it.

We go from this to the incoherent mumblings though, that I am proud to say I understand most of the time. This is my best phonetic spelling of a couple of nights ago, 90% asleep boy with a soother in his mouth.

mmmm. be-keh mah heh.

yeah, what? Fortunately, in context, and having heard this request clearly many times, I know he wants the blanket on his head. I can't sleep like that, but he loves it. If he doesn't have the blanket, he has Monkey on his face. Whatever works!

just when I get to thinking, sure, we'll be fine...

then I'm struck by some small detail like...I'm going to be responsible for TWO LIVES now. And my own, but that's sort of understood. It freaks me out. Also, our room is a good size, but we have giant furniture, and since the baby will have to share our room, that sort of makes it tricky to find a place for the playpen. We'll squeeze it in, but likely will have to rearrange some things...somehow. I'm just not cool with the 2 sharing a room. If we had to, we'd make do, but I feel like it's going to be a huge enough imposition, I don't want that to be one more thing. Hey honey, we brought home ANOTHER kid! Nice huh? Yes, and not only do you have to share the precious time previously owned by you, but you have to share your room too! Sorry you won't be sleeping well the next few months, but hey, neither will Mummy, so, at least I can relate.

Also, I have a picture. I thought it was about time I started documenting. This picture is from last weekend, so just over 25 weeks.



Lovely, I know. I tried to not do a headless picture, with the timer and some books serving as a tripod, but it was just a terrible picture. I looked like a 38 year old cousin of myself, so I opted for the original, tummy only shot. I have to see if I can find one from last time, hang on. Ooh, here's a nice, shirtless one? WTF was I thinking there?



Damn unflattering, not sure how different the 2 are.

Anyway. I have 2 friends with 2 babies now, and they're still alive, so I guess that gives me some hope. Kieran is generally a sweet, easy going guy, but then we have days like today where he's just tired and inconsolable for most of the day, and thus prone to irrational weeping and tantrums. We're very similar these days, what can I say.

who is this woman, and why does she get to have a baby with Matthew McConaughey?

so. unfair. it's not that I'm jealous, but seriously, who is this woman? I bet their kids are going to be UGLY. Fugly, even.

but the poor little fetus didn't get one present

I won't tell her, it would only make her sad. The wee lad, as usual, made out like a bandit. Basically I made a list of everything he might like, and my in-laws bought everything on it. Including some things that I had put on there as like, "books for Little Touch - he has these ones" and they bought those ones. His favourite gifts are blocks and a blocks farm animal puzzle, his cowboy hat (a real one, of course) and the ride-on digger.
Grant and I made out pretty well too, I got a Flip Ultra camera, some high brown boots, 2 cook books, all the stuff on my 'kitchen needs' list, and 2 new travel mugs. I'm keeping both, because I can have one at work and one for the purse for Starbucks etc. The most surprising (and very fun) gift was from Erin, she got me the box set of "My So-Called Life". Did you watch it? I did, and I loved it. Did you know there were only 19 eposides? Ever? I did not know that. Anyway, Grant and I watched a couple shows last night, and I was worried that it wouldn't be as good since I'm not 15, but it still is. It's good now too because there is actually a plot that follows the grown-ups, which I can't say I ever noticed the first time around. Also, hello Jordan Catalano. He's still a big attraction, I'll be honest. Although his "acting" in the early shows is a bit...melodramatic. I didn't care then, and I'm not going to let that get in the way now either.
Kieran needs a new shirt, he's got peanut butter on his. Tragic, I know! Later skaters.

well the dates, they are a changin

So, I have now 3 dates. Fun, I know. There's April 23, 26, and latest 27th. I'm fairly sure that the baby will choose to come whenever she darn well pleases, so I'm not putting too much focus on the exact dates. The doctors say the lmp date is more accurate, the ultrasound techs say the u/s date is more accurate, so...I pick the earlier one! I think u/s should be more accurate, especially early on, because even the most regular person can have a fluctuation of a couple of days here or there. It's pretty picky stuff though. Last time the u/s bumped me up a whole week, and my dr still wouldn't change my due date. Jerk. But again, not like it mattered in the end.

All else is well. My main worries from last time - the going overdue, the ending up on bedrest, and the crazy, so itchy I wanted to tear my skin off rash I got at the end and after Kieran arrived - have been alleviated. My ob said that I would likely deliver around my due date, that the itchy rash only occurs near the end and so I may have this baby before that happens, and that if I were to have whacks of those stupid fake contractions again, they would do a fetal fibronectin test, and if it were ok, they'd let me go about my business and get me to come back for another test in 2 weeks. I love that technology advances! She said where my body has shown that it will hold a pregnancy to term (and beyond...she actually chuckled as she reviewed my chart what with the bedrest and scheduled induction and all) that they wouldn't be nearly so cautious, esp if it were at 31 weeks or so again. I've scheduled my last day at work to be April 4th, which should give me some quality time with the boy and the house before the little one comes. I'm mainly referring to the baby as 'she', but there is always the off chance they were wrong, so I don't want to bet the farm, as it were. My friend Andrea just had her baby, a girl, a surprise since they weren't telling the sex when she had her u/s. They named her Ainslie Marion, which is a great name. It's close to a name I'm giving big consideration to. Or, have basically decided on, but am not telling everyone, because that's not as fun.

Anyway. I have to do dishes. They're never ending. It's so annoying. Work is almost done though, which is great. Christmas shopping is almost done, or almost as done as it's going to get.

even with the sweet pillow, it's just not the same

I've been on my own for the last few days. Grant went away to Quebec for work on Sunday, and won't be back until tonight. His parents jumped at the chance to babysit the boy for a few days, and after much negotiation (no, he can't stay with you for the whole week) they came to get him Wednesday morning, and will return him this afternoon. I was thusly able to see a movie with my dear friend Jenn and my sister, and have coffee with Jenn and Tiresa on Wed. night, and then able to scoot into town to pick up a toy for Kieran. Mom and Dad had gotten it for him, but it got badly damaged in shipping. They got their money back, but had no toy. So, I picked it up. They picked up the main thing that I had wanted to get Kieran, so we'll trade and be pretty much even I think. I also bought stickers. I forgot that I'm teaching some little kids here, and they like things like that. I'm working on reading with 2 sweet grade 3 girls, and one of them yesterday showed me her reading log and said, "Mrs. Estey usually gives us a sticker when we finish a book..." So I of course bought some last night. I had some, but they were giant and not really fun. I got a whole box of I don't even know how many stickers at Toys R Us in one of their out front bargain bins for $5. I'm pretty excited.

What else. I've been able to hear my little one's heartbeat and other moving-around noises with the help of a fetoscope from Tiresa. I had never seen one before, and it took me a couple of weeks before I could hear anything. It really does have to be very quiet, it's just a fancy stethoscope and not one of those fancy amplifying doppler's or anything, but it's just as fun to use, and gives you the "thump-thump" heartbeat sound that you're more used to hearing, rather than the odd "swish-swish" one that dopplers make. That's how I've been winding down for bed the last couple of nights. It's very relaxing.

I'm supposed to be working right now, as usual, but my reading group is not here today, so I find myself with unexpected bonus time on my hands. I've been staying late at work since Kieran went with his grandparents, so I figure I can slack off a bit now.

more pics of the wee lass

as far as they can tell, anyway. They won't promise anything, but we looked for a while and couldn't see any naughty bits sticking out, so the tech said she's pretty confident it's a girl baby. She was great, she gave us 4 pictures this time, and even let me pee halfway through. My bladder was so full it was actually impeding her ability to take pictures, blocking shots and stuff.

anyhoo, so that's big news, I'll leave you with some more pictures. She's waving in most of them, and I think sucking her thumb in the last one.









that is all!

well hello in there

Everyone has been like, really? You haven't felt movement yet? HOW far along are you? That's really weird, especially for your second pregnancy!
First off, that's not helpful. Don't ever say anything like that to a person, it's not going to make them feel better.
Anyway. I'm so glad I have this page, because I am then able to go back to this time last time, and I wasn't feeling K-baby kicking around until after the 18week ultrasound. I actually remember seeing him doing like, somersaults on the screen, and being really weirded out that I couldn't feel any of it. But the last week or so, I've been moving from the, "was that a muscle twitch, or..." to, "ok, there's definitely somebody in there." I know that I did know that already, I've *seen* the baby, and heard the heartbeat on 2 other occasions (the last time much more successfully than the first, the little one would not hold still any longer than was necessary for us to establish that there was in fact a baby with a heartbeat residing in my lower abdomen somewhere). It's still really nice to feel those little kicks and pokes. I know that in like, 2 months when they're more like angry jabs to my kidney and bladder, it won't be so much reassuring as annoying and sleep depriving, but for now it's good.
Going for the regular u/s on Monday. Going to Halifax this weekend to see my Grannie who's in the hospital with an aortic aneurysm. It is quite serious, but they're pretty confident they'll be able to fix her up as soon as they have a bed for her in ICU and can do the surgery. Coming back on Monday morning just in time for the scan. I'll post the pics when I get home.
That's it for now!

super shopper!

Which is good, cause my car cost me like $500 today.

I got this and this today. The first one is regular about $200 and was a floor model, undamaged, with all accessories, manual and a nice girl to show me how to fold it up, for 1/3 the price. The 2nd is on sale right now at Toys R Us, it's usually $60 and is half price. I'm very excited to go to bed tonight. I'm already not comfortable sleeping on my back, but if I sleep on my side all night my hips get sore. Nice. I tried a body pillow but they're so big, so I've been using a regular pillow, which isn't the right shape and is still kind of big.

(edit: I am so in love with my Snoogle pillow. I don't know that I'll ever be able to sleep without it.)

The stroller was funny though. Tiresa had seen it, and then decided that she really couldn't justify buying it despite the incredible price since she just has the one and she's like, tiny. She forgot about it, but then I mentioned today when we were out that I was going to get mom and dad to look for a 2-baby stroller when they go to Florida in the spring, and she was like, OH! I forgot about you! We have to go to Toys R Us! I was momentarily offended, but forgave her when I saw what she had in mind. Also, there was no UPC code to ring in, nor would manually inputting the code, so the cashier rang in 70 $1 charity star things. My receipt is really long.

I have nothing else to say, and TV is on. FINALLY got to see Taye Diggs with no shirt on. (I tried to find you a pic, but my battery is dying.) Bout time! Everyone who was supposed to have sex didn't, and the 2 who really shouldn't have, did. Also, Paul needs to tell what's her name that he loves her, so she doesn't feel like a total reject, even though she's kind of crazy anyway.

So, all in all, a good day. I think that

visuals

or, it could be nothing, and my uterus is just...ambitious

That's what Tiresa decided was going on when I told her that there is just one baby in there, no extra fluid, no extra anything, and the aforementioned baby (have to wait a few more weeks for the sex, they couldn't see clearly enough yet) is a mere 3 days farther along than I had worked out. So, tomorrow I'm 16 weeks. I've even updated the Lilypie counter thing accordingly. April 23 is the new due date, which is now the day before rather than 2 days after my sister's wedding, so not really any better. Maybe worse. As soon as I get home and Kieran's in bed I'll post the pictures. Probably just one, one is way more clear. Although, you can see a hand in the 2nd one, so I'll probably put that one up too.

I came into work this afternoon so that I could do this staff perception survey thing, thinking it was like, a thing, and it was just this stupid fill in bubble sheet thing that I could have done tomorrow. Ah well.

I should do some work while I'm here though.

finally!

that's right folks. As of tomorrow at about 10:30, I'll know what the HELL is going on in there. I was out of my office at a meeting for about half an hour, and when I got back, there was a message for me from Angela. I asked Marjorie, my TA who had taken the message, if Angela happened to mention who she was exactly. Marj said no, she said you'd know what it was about. ok. So I call back, and they answer, Hello, Ultrasound? I said, OH, you called me! I gave them my name, and the woman is like, hi, Sarah, we're wondering if you can come in for an appointment tomorrow. I said, yes. She laughed, she said ok, do you want to know what time? I said yes, but it doesn't matter, I'll be there. 10:30 it is. Messes up my day, in that I won't be at work for most of it, but I will go back for our after school meeting. I'll let you know whatever I find out, probably tomorrow night.

My first thought was that I was really excited. I've been waiting for this for 3 weeks now, and as far as I can tell I'm even moreso too big than I was at my last appointment. I can feel the top of my fundus (sounds like a dirty word, kind of) right at my bellybutton, and it shouldn't be there until at least 20 weeks. That's a good 5 weeks off. Anyway. So we have what, 4 possibilities. Wrong dates, giant baby, more than one baby, and excess fluid. I think the last one is probably the most likely to be causing this much of a discrepancy, but I'm really going to try to just let it BE and forget about it for tonight, since I'll find out for sure tomorrow. Just over 12 hours! Grant can't come, so Erin is coming with me. I told her I couldn't take any kind of news by myself, and she's never seen an ultrasound, so it's a win-win.

Ok. Going to watch Heroes and Prison Break and eat peanut butter m&ms. Mmm!

not to alarm anyone

but let's, sort of. I'm already alarmed, and haven't heard anything about my ultrasound yet. They're apparently going to call me the day before they can squeeze me in for an appointment.

I thought it was time for some pictures.



The one on the left is me last time, November 10, so roughly 4.5 months pregnant. The one on the right is me now, at 3 months pregnant. I'm not seeing a whole lot of difference. A tad scary. No sense worrying, but logic doesn't necessarily work for me. I need to know what's going on. I could either be way off on my dates, which is very unlikely, since I'm a pretty regular girl, and there are certain indicators that happened each month which let me know I was not pregnant. The month before I found out was no exception, and there was nothing unusual about it. I could have excess fluid again, which would not be good, because to be that much too big this early doesn't bode well for like, 4 months from now. I could be having triplets, which let's just face it, is terrifying. I've been trying to do some research, and I actually found one post where a lady said she had never encountered anyone measuring 4 or more cm large early on who hadn't been pregnant with multiples. Super fantastic!

Anyway. I'm going to work on the assumption for now that there's just the one in there, that my dates are correct, and that there is some other very reasonable explanation as to what's going on.

13 weeks

or 16, depending who you ask. All's well with me and the babe, other than the fact that my uterus apparently believes I am 16 weeks pregnant. I believe (with good reason) that I'm 13 weeks / 3 months. I feel better now that I know I'm not just crazy and I really am looking more pregnant than I should. My nurse / doctor lady seems to think that's odd, so is booking me for an ultrasound asap. I like ultrasounds, so I'm not going to complain. I then also have to make an appointment with my doctor again, before my next regular appointment. My admin team is going to love me! Need some more days off please! Also, I have to get my blood work redone in a month, which is extra fun. I'm hoping they don't have to redo ALL of it, because they took like 8 vials last time, and that's a lot. Also it involved a lot of waiting for my number to be called to sign in even though I had an appointment.

I sort of thought I was feeling better, but I'm not so sure now. I think I'm mostly just tired, and that sort of makes me feel ick in other ways. My mom is coming up tonight for a couple of days, so I can complain to her, which should help. Not sure what the weekend entails, likely not anything too exciting.

I really should be working right now, not blogging, so off I go.

12 weeks

the magic switch hasn't gone off yet though. You know, the one that's like, ok, now you can stop feeling like garbage. Soon, I hope! Next week the baby will be the size of half a banana. I couldn't find any good food comparisons for this week, my apologies.

We're having people over for dinner tonight, I just wanted to say hi. We were planning dinner Friday night, but our power was out until about 4am Saturday, so that was a no-go. Cold here in October, let me tell you! The next house will have a fireplace.

Halloween party?

I'm not even sure who reads this, but if I were to have a Halloween party, probably the Sunday before, for the wee ones, would you come? You don't necessarily need kids, but that would be the basic idea. That'd be the 28th. I'll maybe post on the other site too, and see who's interested.

wardrobe malfunctions

My frigging pants. I walked around all day (or at least until recess when I had to pee) with my zipper down. Fortunately my shirt is long enough that I think *probably* no students noticed. Today WOULD be a day where I'm working with kids, of course. Anyway. None of my clothes fit. All my regular clothes are put away, except for some t-shirts and sweaters that are too big to begin with. The maternity clothes as a rule are too big still, but the "fat" clothes that I managed to salvage (luckily Erin is about as good at purging stuff as I am, and still had the stuff I had given her) mostly don't fit either.

I sure am excited for when I can stop complaining and start talking about the fun stuff, like hearing the baby's heartbeat (hopefully next week, fingers crossed!), feeling movement, having a legitimate baby belly, that kind of stuff.

I'm supposed to be at a meeting right now. Fortunately, I'm actually supposed to be at 3 meetings, so they probably all assume I'm somewhere else. Sweet!

25% cooked

That's sort of fun. 3 more weeks and I'll be 1/3 cooked. Or, the baby will be. Still feeling pretty gross, and am falling asleep on the couch after school despite the fact that there is a very active 2.5 year old within 30cm of me, being, well, a 2.5 year old. He's really good about waking me up though. Usually it involves him jumping on me and yelling "GOTCHA! GOTCHA MUM!". Super fun. He did though, yesterday, say "nap?" and I said "yes, babe, I would love to have a nap." He said, "ok" and put a pillow on me, kissed my arm, and said "nigh nigh" and wandered off. If only, if ONLY, he could be trusted to not destroy things inside of 30 seconds, I might actually be able to nod off for a few minutes. No such luck. He wandered off to find a cat to terrorize. It was a nice thought though.

Not really a lot else going on I'm afraid. I'm going to go shower while the showering is good. That is, while the boy is napping. Not sure what else we'll get into today. Probably not anything too exciting. Might try to take some nice fall pics of him outside. Exciting, I know!

stupid blog

won't publish. The other site is working fine, they both go to the same server, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just making this new lovely post to try to get it publishing again. Lovely!

the way things work

not that most of you will understand this, but I will not be getting my B contract this year. It's not done here like it is....everywhere else, apparently. Here, the job is advertised as either a D (one year) or B (permanent) contract, and that's how it stays. So, new people can swoop in and take B jobs, and others can work for years and never get it, because there's not one in their subject or geographic area.

Lame. I was putting off telling my boss to see if I might get my B, but that's not going to happen, so I might as well tell them now. The only benefit other than being paid all year is that you have the security of knowing you'll be back at the same school the next year. Which is nice.

Anyway, so I still feel like garbage, nothing new to report there. I went through all my clothes on the weekend, Erin donated some fat pants to me, which was great. About half of them were mine anyway, some of them I really like, but they were too big. Not anymore! Anyway. I put away things that are like, size 6-8 (I don't have a lot of size 6 things, rest assured, but I do have a couple!), because I'm not right now, and tops that only just fit before, and really summery stuff. I feel very organised. Now I just have to go through and put on hangers and in drawers all my fat / maternity clothes, and I'll be all set. I didn't bother putting away any sweaters, because they're stretchy.

In week 10, pretty excited about that. Having supper tomorrow with my friend Amy, who had her first baby at the same time as I had Kieran, and she's now expecting in December. Should be fun. We went to visit Tiresa and Isabel yesterday (and Dave, but Dads generally get left out of the whole thing, sorry), and Kieran was super cute, trying to soothe the baby, telling her "ok, ok" and petting her (very gently for a 2 year old, but perhaps not as gentle as Mum might) on the head. He loves babies, which I take as a good sign, but it's always easier to love something that you get to leave at the end of the day.