So, yesterday I found out I was pregnant. It was my mom's birthday. I didn't think telling her would make a suitable gift though. My period was a few days late, as it is sometimes, and I opted to do a test to set my mind at ease. Jenn had very helpfully sent me some tests, so I had one handy. It's nice to have connections. Anyway, obviously, the test was positive. I think it doesn't really seem...real yet. I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about it; when I did the test, I was sort of like, ok, interesting, 2 lines. That's never happened before. My initial reaction was just surprise, because I've had this (apparently irrational) fear of being unable to have children. I think it's been such a worry for me because that's one of the things I'm so sure of wanting in my life. But then reality set in. What does this mean for me? For my dream job that I'm starting in just over a month? What does this mean for my relationship? How am I going to tell him? Should I be serious? Should I try to be funny, or creative? Should I tell him right away, or should I wait to see the doctor and verify, make sure everything is ok? I called my Doctor, and was advised that false positives are very rare, that the inaccuracy in home pregnancy tests comes mainly from false negatives, where people are testing when the hormone levels are too low still. She said I could go and spend the extra $20 on another test, but that I could be fairly sure I was pregnant.

It was at this point I got a little hysterical. It didn't last long, thankfully, but I got a bit freaked out. I did go and buy another test, another brand even. I had more from Jenn, but I thought maybe they had been rendered defective from sitting in the mailbox in heat too long. I did the 2nd test yesterday afternoon, and it also came up positive. Since 2 false positives has odds somewhat akin to winning the lottery jackpot, I'm pretty sure at this point.

I've only told Grant, I don't want to tell too many people right away for fear that something might go wrong. We'll talk it over though, and decide when we want to go about telling our parents and such. It raises a lot of issues though. Grant will most likely be in Fredericton for..a long while. Starting pretty soon. I have to work here, I have a job here and no prospects of a job there, and it's quite likely I'll get my permanent contract here in the fall. These were issues before this, and now this sort of throws an extra wrench into the works. Grant needs to go to this job in Fredericton, it's an excellent opportunity and he's really excited about it. It will allow him to actually work in his field, (imagine), and to perhaps even pursue a Master's degree. Not really something he can turn down. I have my perfect job here, at a great school, and in just plain practical terms, I have to work for at least 6 months in order to get Maternity leave benefits. I have to say though, for all my conviction on these points, I'm really a little apprehensive about going through all this by myself. I know I'll have the fantastic support of my friends and family, but very few of those people are in the same city as me, so it'll be long-distance support.

So, according to the books I'm now reading, I'm almost 5 weeks along. The counting starts, confusingly enough, at the first day of your last menstrual period. Jr. is about the size of an apple seed, quite tiny.

As always, I'll keep you posted.