25% cooked

That's sort of fun. 3 more weeks and I'll be 1/3 cooked. Or, the baby will be. Still feeling pretty gross, and am falling asleep on the couch after school despite the fact that there is a very active 2.5 year old within 30cm of me, being, well, a 2.5 year old. He's really good about waking me up though. Usually it involves him jumping on me and yelling "GOTCHA! GOTCHA MUM!". Super fun. He did though, yesterday, say "nap?" and I said "yes, babe, I would love to have a nap." He said, "ok" and put a pillow on me, kissed my arm, and said "nigh nigh" and wandered off. If only, if ONLY, he could be trusted to not destroy things inside of 30 seconds, I might actually be able to nod off for a few minutes. No such luck. He wandered off to find a cat to terrorize. It was a nice thought though.

Not really a lot else going on I'm afraid. I'm going to go shower while the showering is good. That is, while the boy is napping. Not sure what else we'll get into today. Probably not anything too exciting. Might try to take some nice fall pics of him outside. Exciting, I know!

stupid blog

won't publish. The other site is working fine, they both go to the same server, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just making this new lovely post to try to get it publishing again. Lovely!

the way things work

not that most of you will understand this, but I will not be getting my B contract this year. It's not done here like it is....everywhere else, apparently. Here, the job is advertised as either a D (one year) or B (permanent) contract, and that's how it stays. So, new people can swoop in and take B jobs, and others can work for years and never get it, because there's not one in their subject or geographic area.

Lame. I was putting off telling my boss to see if I might get my B, but that's not going to happen, so I might as well tell them now. The only benefit other than being paid all year is that you have the security of knowing you'll be back at the same school the next year. Which is nice.

Anyway, so I still feel like garbage, nothing new to report there. I went through all my clothes on the weekend, Erin donated some fat pants to me, which was great. About half of them were mine anyway, some of them I really like, but they were too big. Not anymore! Anyway. I put away things that are like, size 6-8 (I don't have a lot of size 6 things, rest assured, but I do have a couple!), because I'm not right now, and tops that only just fit before, and really summery stuff. I feel very organised. Now I just have to go through and put on hangers and in drawers all my fat / maternity clothes, and I'll be all set. I didn't bother putting away any sweaters, because they're stretchy.

In week 10, pretty excited about that. Having supper tomorrow with my friend Amy, who had her first baby at the same time as I had Kieran, and she's now expecting in December. Should be fun. We went to visit Tiresa and Isabel yesterday (and Dave, but Dads generally get left out of the whole thing, sorry), and Kieran was super cute, trying to soothe the baby, telling her "ok, ok" and petting her (very gently for a 2 year old, but perhaps not as gentle as Mum might) on the head. He loves babies, which I take as a good sign, but it's always easier to love something that you get to leave at the end of the day.

so now I'm worried

not about anything serious, sorry to alarm you. I've been re-reading my old preggo blog archives, and it's helping in a lot of ways, because I really don't remember feeling *this* awful all the time, but I think, in re-reading, that I did. The thing that worries me is that I got worse around this time, as far as like, vomiting in the shower, and so on. So, that's gross.

The kidney bean baby seems to be doing well, if my feeling terrible is any indication. I have a dr. appt on Wednesday, and though I'm quite sure they're not going to do a blessed thing, you never know. I should be going for blood tests soon, that'll be another day off work. I love days off work.

Went to a wedding last night, which was pretty fun. Stayed up too late, and snuck into the kitchen with 2 other ladies to clean up some of the leftover food. The only bad part about not drinking was that I got tired of the juice and pop scene, and for some reason I don't really like WATER right now (seriously!), so I really wanted chocolate milk, but there wasn't any. They had homo milk for kahlua and milks, but that's just gross.

I'm off to find something to drink. Not water though. Juice is good.

I need to complain

and I think my family has had enough of it directly, so here you go, internet. Today has been gross. I wore pants that are a bit too big, but still had to unbutton them if I sat at my desk for a while. I feel like I'm going to vomit, with some really strong waves throughout the day of like, oh, god, I really am going to... and I'm alternating between feeling so hungry that I might fall down and feeling so full (halfway through my small meal) that I am just insanely uncomfortable.

that's all I guess.

scary sh*t.

I swear, I have pants that don't fit. Already. I would not be so alarmed if I had gained some weight, but I have not. Unless I suck my stomach in (like, not breathing at all) I have a lovely little paunch. If I just hold it in normally, good posture and all that, it sticks out. Wtf? Not that I was like, svelte before, but this is outlandish. I have to go to a wedding this weekend, and am definitely not going to be able to wear the very nice fitted dress that I had planned to wear. I wore it to the wedding of 2 friends last year, and it would have been great, same time of year and everything. NO GO. I don't even think the Spanx will help, and they're pretty powerful. I'll have to see. I must have some nice low-rise pants that will do the trick.

Staying at work late tonight, meet the teacher at 5:30. No sense going home in between, because (and Grant and I agree on this) there's no way I can count on him to be home on time for me to leave and be back here on time. SO, I'll stay. Chat, update blogs, you know. Eat snacks. I'm doing a lot of that lately. I had to stop and get myself a cheeseburger on the way home last night. And the "had to" is not even an exaggeration. I was so hungry I was going to vomit. Which, admittedly is a more familiar feeling as of late than usual, but still. Gross. I had cake last week, good, homemade cake, and I took a bite, and I couldn't eat it. Take a moment to let that sink in.

wtf? I have never, ever, not eaten a piece of cake.

I need to go eat some more cheesey ritzes.

do things always have to get worse before they get better?

the smell of my deoderant is making me (more) nauseated. I ate a pb and banana sandwich, and it was delicious, which is nice since the only things that have been delicious lately have been pretty unhealthy. Cheeseburgers, fries, chips. Crackers, which aren't terrible for you, but aren't really meant to be more than half your food supply.

so gross

While, knock on wood, I haven't actually thrown up yet, I feel so gross, all the time. It helps to eat, but only really while I'm eating, and I don't think I can just eat constantly for the next 8 months. And it's not healthy stuff either, although apples are tasty. Mostly it's like, chips, burgers, crackers. Salty stuff. I picked up some ginger today in caplets, I think the chewy candied stuff would be too strong. So, I just took 2 caplets, I'll let you know how it goes. I burped and it tasted like ginger, so it must be in there. I don't remember feeling great while pregnant with Kieran, but I don't remember feeling this awful all the time. And definitely not before 6 weeks. I even checked. So, that's pretty fun. So now I've got myself convinced that it's like, twins, and that's why it's so much worse. It's supposed to be not as bad, according to what I've read, but from people I know, it has been as bad or worse, so...helpful.

I feel gross. I'm going to eat something and then vegetate.

mostly everyone knows now

I really hadn't planned to tell many people, but that just shows you what planning can do for you. All the parents know, and siblings. Grant told everyone he made eye contact with this weekend, which is nice in a way, that he's excited, but also sort of ... because we're so early, I feel sort of silly telling people. Yes, thanks, we're 6 weeks along! Of 40! Wooh!

No showing yet, which is to be expected, but I'm nervous because most of what I read says that you show about a month earlier than with the first, and I was quite obviously pregnant by 3 months with Kieran. I can just see me all enormous in like 2 weeks. Good lord. I feel like a great big pile of ass, and am going to start an official petition to change the name from morning sickness to just like, pregnancy related nausea. Not as catchy, but it's not in any way related to the morning. I thought eating would help, so the other day I ate enough for about 3 days in the one day, and it didn't help at all. And I can't keep doing that unless I want to gain 80lbs this time. Which I don't, really. I still have a nice little paunch from my dear boy, which I blame largely on the giganticness of the belly and also on the appendectomy scar. No fun. Anyway, I will keep you posted, but no pics yet, because it would just be me, relatively normal.

I have to go to bed now. Work tomorrow, with children! Should be a pretty good week, but I am already exhausted and have the beginnings of a delightful cold forming, for which I cannot take ANYTHING. I even checked on echinachea, and the pharmacist said it's a no-go, since it's so new and they just can't be sure.

Sigh.