funny lady

I'm just watching Leah Remini on Ellen, and she's darn funny. The last time she was on the show, she was like 9 months pregnant. She was talking about how she just didn't enjoy being pregnant, and she felt bad telling people that, because everyone loves being pregnant, unless you're really sick. People would ask her, and she'd say no, not loving it, and they'd be like, oh, is it a hard pregnancy? No, not really. I look like Shrek, my legs are like tree trunks, I'm enormous. She said her biggest fear was going into labour early and not having shaved. Ellen said that really not having shaved legs wasn't that big a deal, and Leah said well, legs and other parts, and then went on to explain how it really is hard to shave those other parts because there are things in the way etc. She said it's inconsiderate of women who know they're going to go into labour soon-ish to not clean themselves up a little bit. I think that's pretty funny. I think the doctors have probably seen enough awful things that the average hairy bird isn't going to phase them all that much. You never know though.

mmm, blood test

and a urine test too, actually. I went for my glucose tolerance test, which wasn't actually too bad. I didn't have to fast, but I did have to wait, then drink a very, very sweet (think McD's orange drink with double the sugar) concoction, then wait another hour, then have my blood drawn. Whee!

After my saying that the baby was having no impact on my sleep, I woke up early this morning and could not get back to sleep, because my little acrobat / kickboxer was wide awake. Interesting. S/he settled down though, and all was well.

I've been asked by 2 total strangers when I'm due, so I guess there's really no mistaking what's happening at this point. Even if I saw me though, I don't think I'd ask that, because you just never know. I've heard horror stories about people who have asked, and been told, 'I'm not pregnant...', which would just be awful for everyone involved. Maybe I'll get some shirts that say like, 'bun in oven' or something. Should clear everything up.

Anyway, that's about it. I have some cleaning up around here to do before I leave for Fredericton on Wednesday, because we'll be going basically straight to Halifax from there on Friday, and I don't want to come home to a big mess after our little holiday. Nothing too exciting, I'm afraid.

100 days!

not that it's an exact science or anything, but *wow*, 100 days is not very long, even if it's just sort of in the vicinity of when the baby is planning on making his/her appearance.

also, how come nobody else has joined the expectnet pool? you guys are boring.

update? not really

sorry, there's just not really anything going on! I'm getting bigger, I'll take a new picture this weekend. I'm going to get Grant to take a couple, since he'll probably be able to get better angles than I can working with my arm's reach and a mirror. Maybe we'll take a picture of the 2 (3) of us by the Christmas tree. Baby's first Christmas! Sort of...haha.

I'm chaperoning the school semi-formal tomorrow, and am very excited because I'm only doing the first half, and I acutally have a dress to wear. I have a really pretty top I could wear if it were a grown-up party, but it's strapless and not entirely appropriate for high school dance chaperoning. My sister's friend loaned me some maternity clothes, and one piece is this very cute black dress. I need to get some tights; I think I'll just get giant sized regular ones, the maternity ones are too pricey. I also might get a red ribbon to replace the cinching tie that's in the dress right now, I think that would be pretty festive. I'll take a picture of myself, maybe. I need a tripod, and to figure out how to focus on myself when I want to be farther away than arm's length. Any ideas?

In other news, I have less than 2 months of teaching time left. 3 weeks of semester 1 to finish up after Christmas, which really only matters for exams and the one class that's ending. Then I teach for 5 more weeks, minus a couple of days for marking / turnaround in between there, and that's it. How crazy is that? Fairly. Then, a few short weeks until the bean arrives. How crazy is *that*? Very.

I have to go to bed now. I'm doing alright sleeping, but if I wake up sleeping on my back it's uncomfortable. Especially if it's early in the morning when the baby is moved up toward my lungs more, it's kind of squishing things and not comfy. (sidebar: in general, I seem to be 'carrying high', which althogh my list down the page a bit says it's a girl, every person I've talked to has told me it means boy, including people actually saying 'look how high you're carrying that boy!'. If I lie down, I can feel the fundus (I'm not going to explain what that is, because it's more fun for you to wonder or look it up for yourselves) right under the centre of my ribcage. I get kicks in the ribs sometimes, which just feels really weird.) Sleeping on my side is decent, but I have to switch. I seem to like my right side best, but my right hip gets sore if I spend too much time on that side at a stretch. I'm not having any problems with the baby keeping me up, although s/he is quite active. I think maybe I'm so used to being walked all over by the kitties, that the internal beatings don't disturb my sleep too much. I'm not sure how long this peaceful resting will last though, if the baby stays this active as s/he grows, it's going to be like having a mambo dance competition in there sometimes.

I was going to bed, right? Yes, ok.

fashion tip

I just have to tell you, ponchos are the way to go. I got 2, they're fantastic. Comfy, non-restraining, super fun. And maybe it's because I've got the bump happening, but it's really cute.

that is all.

just joking. I've got an online baby pool going over at expectnet, that you are all welcome to join in on. You have to guess date, time, and gender. Good luck! There's no money involved, just bragging rights I guess.

fun with folklore

so, although we have a suspicion that we saw certain boy-parts on the ultrasound screen, they won't tell us, and if I'm to believe any of the myths surrounding 'how to tell', then I'm definitely having a girl.

chinese calender = girl

You're more likely to be having a girl if…

• Your baby's heartbeat is faster than 140 beats per minute

• you're carrying all round

• you're carrying high

• you suffered morning sickness during your first twelve weeks

• your left breast is bigger than your right

• you're asked to show your hands and you present them palms up

• you combine your age at the time of conception with the number of the month you conceived and the resulting number is odd

• the hair on your legs has been growing slower during pregnancy

There are some other ones too, but as far as which side I sleep on, it varies, and hasn't changed. I don't have any really strong cravings, but I go mostly for sweet stuff, which again, is normal for me. I'll keep you posted though, and / or you can wait until the end of March and find out for sure.

shh, I'm supposed to be at work!

well, not really. I took the morning off for an appointment, and it's lunchtime now, so I figure I'll eat here rather than dragging a bunch of stuff to school. My appointment, as expected, was rather uneventful. I asked her about a few things that have been going on with me, the B-H contractions, and I've had some numbness / tingling / ouch in the side of my leg, which is apparently a nerve that gets pinched as your back curves into a most unnatural state. I go for my glucose screening test next week, but I think secretly I'm going to wait until the next week, assuming the clinic is still open, because then I don't have to take time off work. Which is good. My dizzy spells are due to low blood pressure, which won't really improve until after the pregnancy. Today it was 90/60, I thought one of those numbers was supposed to be a 3-digit? Ah well. And there's nothing I can do about any of that stuff, so I'll just grin and bear it. And bitch about it on here. hehe.

One thing she did say that confused me a bit, was that they were going to stick with my original date of April 1st, rather than the u/s date of March 26th. This makes no sense to me, why change back? I don't like my doctor, lol. I was told that the u/s dating is generally much more accurate than the remembering when your last period was, so I may just stick with that date anyway. Or split the difference. It's only a week, so we'll just have to wait and see! Either way, things are coming quickly. Grant and I actually thought of a name, independently, that we both like, so that's pretty exciting. I'm not telling anyone what it is, because people offer very unhelpful comments, I've learned. Because you know what, unless you can think of some horrible nickname, I don't need to know about all the weirdos you know / knew with that name. I've had to rule out many names already because of that reason myself, teaching puts you in touch with all kinds of monsters with cool names. You'll all find out soon enough anyway!

booky book books

I'm up to my ears! Well, not really. I've read the Mayo Clinic Complete Guide to Pregnancy and Baby's First Year (and yes, the book is as overwhelming as the title, I haven't actually *read* it all, just the important thus far bits), The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, and Knocked Up: Confessions of a Modern Mother-to-be. I've now gotten myself The Mother of all Baby Books, and Cool Names for Babies, which does actually have cool names for babies.

Also, I realised today how very little time I have left at school, and as a non-mom, for that matter. 2.5 weeks of class left before Christmas break, 3 weeks after that before exams, then a month of semester 2, and I'm done like dinner. Yipes! That's assuming everything goes on schedule, which apparently it doesn't always.

I had what I assume was a Braxton Hicks contraction the other day, it was strange. It just felt like things got really tight and tensed up in my abdominal area, so I put my hand on my belly, and it was rock hard, but then the whole thing went away after a minute. Interesting. It's always relatively firm, like abs of steel, but this was like, tabletop hard. Apparently it's very normal any time after midway through, and they're painless. So no worries!

giant, alien baby

hopefully not alien, but definitely giant and doing its best to escape via my bellybutton. I was on the phone with my preggo friend, lying on my back on the bed, and the bean is moving around a bit, and then I see, yes, *see*, this like, something trying to escape just under my bellybutton. It was very strange to see and feel and the same time, that was a first. I can definitely feel from the outside now, but it's still very unpredictable as to whereabouts and timing, so it's more luck than anything when I do happen to have my hand in the right place.

I have no real other news, and I'm pretty starvin marvin, so that's it for now. My next dr. appt is next Tuesday. I'm hoping they'll go over the ultrasound results with me, and I'm just going to take the morning off, because it's too stressful to be running late (because my dr. is running late) and trying to get back to school for 2nd period. As long as I only have to go once a month, I can swing the morning off. I don't want to do it more than that though, it's so much work to have a supply teacher.

really, really flattering pictures

just kidding! I figured you might like to see front on pictures of me, for some reason. The first one is from Nov 9th, the second is from Nov 23rd. There's been some significant enlargement in the meantime, it seems.



My mom and sister are coming up tomorrow, and there's talk of cheesecake. I'm pretty excited. Also, they're going to see the play I'm co-directing, so that should be fun. It's pretty funny, in a totally inappropriate way. Which is extra funny, because it's a bunch of nuns.

who needs feet?

well, thankfully, I haven't experienced any of the nasty swelling of the extremities that my books warned me about. I did, however, notice today that when I stand up straight and look down, I can no longer see my feet. Fun!

I'm going to update the picture, I've just been so freaking busy with the play that I haven't had time to anything, let alone take pictures of myself. Tonight though, I think.

Not much else new, feeling more movement, and Grant got to feel it this weekend, which was pretty neat. He was all excited. I'm excited too, as are the girls in the play / my theatre arts class. And not that I'm counting, but I am, and there are 18 school days until break, and 63 school days until I go on mat leave. Crazy eh? I'm not like, super anxious for that, because I know everything will change and so on, but I'm pretty excited. I'm 5 months! I'm over half done! Also, I went to Gap Kids on the weekend, and the stuff is just...so...cute. I can't buy anything though, because it's all pretty clearly boy or girl, and I'm not so much clear on which I'm having.

winterizing

hey. I need a new winter coat, soonish. I'm hesitant to buy one, because I don't like spending money on boring things like that, and I figure maybe somebody out there has one they can loan me? Let me know. I (heart) my yellow coat, but it's really not going to do up for much longer. Frigging giant baby! lol.

food for thought

Studies by Dr. Miriam Labbok, director of the breastfeeding division at Georgetown University Medical Center, indicate that the U.S. could save $2 billion to $4 billion each year in health costs if all mothers breastfeed their newborns for at least the first three months. Here are a few more reasons to consider breastfeeding:
* There is strong evidence that breastfeeding reduces the incidence of diarrhea, lower-respiratory infection, ear infections, urinary tract infections, bacterial meningitis, Crohn's Disease, colitis and other diseases (American Academy of Pediatrics).
* Studies have shown that breastfed babies have significantly higher IQs (about eight points) than their formula-fed counterparts.
* There may be a link to a decreased incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome among breastfed babies.
* Numerous benefits to mothers include a reduced risk of ovarian and breast cancers, as well as a lower incidence of hip fractures during the post-menopausal period

hello in there

so I've been feeling more movement lately, which is pretty fun. I can't really describe it, but I'm not sure I agree completely with the fluttering / gas bubbles description. It basically feels like there's some tiny person in there who's rolling around and occasionally poking me. When I went for my ultrasound, it was like he was doing acrobatics, flipping and rolling.

Sidebar: I've decided to stick to one pronoun, rather than the she / he or it thing, it's just simpler.

I'm growing daily, as is the bean though, so it makes sense. I'm exactly halfway along though, which is pretty exciting. Not much else going on though, I go for another appointment on Tuesday, and I'm hoping / assuming she's going to go over the u/s stuff with me. Short week at school again due to Remembrance Day and more PD, which is good, because I'm not getting any less tired. It was my understanding that basically all the sypmtoms of pregnancy went away during this middle trimester. It appears I was misinformed, or, more likely, that like all things about pregnancy, nothing applies to everyone. I'm still tired, and it's not getting any better because I'm not sleeping really well; I wake up with sore hips if I'm lying on one side too long, but I'm not supposed to lie on my back anymore, so I haven't quite figured out what to do there. If I prop myself up with pillows on both sides, I do alright, but then there's not much room for Grant that way. I'm also still a bit gaggy, and my boobs, while roughly one million times better than they were, are still sore.

that's all my bitching for now, but I'll let you know when I have more!

results

awww, isn't s/he cute??



lol.

so, the measurements for Jr. (just the one Jr., thank goodness...) put me at 19 weeks 5 days, exactly a week ahead of where I thought I was, so on Saturday I'm half cooked! Everything looked good to me, but I'll admit I don't have a sweet clue what I was looking for. No extra heads or limbs, everything in the right place. Anyway, all in all very exciting, looks like I have a little acrobat in there, should be interesting when I get a little further along...

ultrasound day!

it seems like it's been coming for so long, I can't believe it's actually November 4th today. I assume most of you know the rest of my news, for full detes, check out the regular blog.

Anyway, so I'm going to pee as much as possible this morning, and drink as little as possible, until 11, at which point I must drink 1L of water. That's a lot. And then not pee until after my u/s, which is at 12:30. I called to verify the appointment time, and I had a couple of other questions, like can I drink juice instead of water? and how long is the u/s anyway? but the woman hung up on me. Bitch. So, I'll see how adventurous I'm feeling, I can't see how it's going to matter if I drink water or juice or chocolate milk for that matter, though drinking a litre of chocolate milk quickly seems to be inviting trouble.

So, obviously, I'll keep you posted, if you don't hear from me today, assume I guess that there's nothing too exciting to report, but I'll let you know soon-ish either way.

pop!

just like that.



freaky.

So, obviously I'm completely out of my 'real' clothes and into maternity wear. This all happened very suddenly, I'm not even really sure when. I went shopping with my preggo friend, and got some really nice things at Thyme, and also picked up a pair of decently cool jeans at WalMart...I really didn't find *anything* else there worth looking at, but Thyme is full of very nice, and very pricey things. The pannely clothes get some snickers from my dear loved ones, so I'm staying away from those for now, since they're really designed for later on anyway.

Not much else going on, hence the lack of updates. I go for my ultrasound on the 4th, which is actually pretty close now, so I'm pretty excited. I'm still feeling big for where I'm supposed to be (17 weeks and 2 days) so I'm still curious to see what they will have to say. Grant's going to come down, I think my mom wants to come up too, so I'll have to see if I'm allowed more than one person in the room or not.

That's about it, I've been super busy with school and the play and everything. When these next few weeks are over, I'll be very, very happy.

new bras, fat pants, and damn, that fit last week...

I finally broke down and bought new bras. I only got 2, and only 2 because it was buy one get one for $5, so I might as well. Effing expensive. Effing went up a whole cup size since about 2 months ago when I bought like, 4 new bras that I now can't wear. Nice. Have begun to more regularly wear the non-panel maternity pants and skirt that I have, and I'm pretty happy about how comfy I am when I do that. I'm really actually looking forward to when I have enough of a belly to justify maternity tops, because they are damn cute, and I have several. For now I'm just looking slightly plump in my regular sweaters. I put on a skirt that I wore quite comfortably last week, because apparently I had actually lost weight since...I think it was last fall/winter that I bought it. Anyway, it still fits, but won't do me for much longer. Ah, the joys!

interesting

I'm too big for 15 weeks, according to my books and my Dr., who I finally saw and is very nice. She said the possibilities (both of which are unlikely, but it has to be one) are that I'm more like 17 weeks (unlikely because I had very regular cycles, and would have been on my period when I should have been conceiving, 15 weeks ago) or that it's twins. She could only find one heartbeat, she thinks, but it's near impossible to tell, because she could find it in more than one place. So, until the ultrasound now, I have something else to scratch my head about. Either way it'll change things, when I'll have to leave school and such, so I'm decidedly anxious to find out. Poor Grant may have a heart attack if I tell him it could be twins, lol. I'll stick to the 'giant baby' theory for now.

updates

well, according to most of the myths about determining the sex of the baby, I'm having a girl. My right boob is bigger, the heart rate is over 140 (144-150), the Chinese calendar says it's a girl, and I had morning sickness. The rest of them I'm not far enough along yet to test out. Good to know, eh? Fun to guess, I suppose, and kind of puts the pressure on to find some good girl names. All the ones I had thought of are really popular right now, so I'm hesitant to use them. I was always one of 3-4 Sarahs in my classes, so I'd like to give this little one a name that's not too crazy or something she'll have to spell her entire life, but something that 4 of her closest friends won't have.
suggestions?

holy cow!

I found the heartbeat and took a pretty funny picture of myself lying down, when all the, let's say, naturally occuring bumps and lumps melt away, and I am left with only this...

so, obviously the Doppler works, and I'm just so, so excited.

mmm, fat pants

I wore maternity pants today. They're fantastic. They're not the old, panelly kind, they have an adjustable waistband thing, so I tightened them up and wore a belt, and they were still about a zillion times more comfy than my 'normal' pants. I don't have a tonne of those kind of clothes though, so I may just be wearing the same pants every day. Nothing wrong with that.

I got a Doppler today (thanks girls!). I got another one last Monday, but unfortunately it didn't work properly, so I sent it back and the very nice lady sent me out a new one, with a note attached apologising for the inconvenience, and she also sent me extra gel to use with it, I assume because one of the times I was talking to her I expressed concern about using too much or not enough, and not having enough in the little tube to use the Doppler often. So I'll try that out tonight, and let you know how it goes. I very remarkably did *not* freak out when the first one didn't work, but after I tried to hear my own heart while pointing the wandy thing right AT my heart, and it was only moderately loud, I figured there was no way it was going to pick up tiny baby sounds.

That's all my news, but if this does work tonight, I'm going to go ahead and tell work, which will make it easier to ask for next Tuesday morning off for my appointment.

boo!

my pants don't fit.

I tried on 3 pairs of cords this morning, because I wanted to wear this specific sweater, and they all are too small. One pair laughed right out loud at me when I put them on, they didn't even come close to fitting. 2 pairs would do up, but there's no way I could sit down or even stand for the whole day like that. So I picked the lesser of the 2 evil pants, and walked around with my button undone for the whole day. Classy. What the hell do I wear now? Maternity clothes are way too big, but my nice, fitted clothes, are too small. Tops are fine, bras are a bit small, but bottoms are posing a serious problem.

whee!

I start a lot of posts that way.

2nd trimester, here I come! That's pretty exciting. I still haven't told work, because I'm still waiting for my appointment. It better be one hell of an appointment, I tell ya. I'm hoping to get some sort of like, confirmation, set my mind at ease a bit. And I know I'll feel better when I can tell work too. 2 more weeks.

better?

I don't seem to feel tooooo nauseated anymore, so I'm hopeful that things are going to start improving overall. The only real 'symptom' of pregnancy in the 2nd trimester is the ... well, being pregnant. The whole, no periods, getting fatter part. But the discomfort of nausea and sore boobs etc is supposed to go away. I'll keep you posted. That would be a good birthday present though! My bday is Sunday, at which point I'll be 3 months, so I'll be telling a few people I haven't gotten around to telling yet. Still holding off on telling school, at least until I have my dr. appt. After that, I'll have to let them know what's up, because I'll be needing to take a morning off a month for appointments, and I don't really want to use sick time if I don't have to.

fun stuff

check out the super cute counter-downy thingamajobber at the bottom of the page. 192 days to go! That's a lot. But not really. Hmm.

semi-useful appointment

but not terribly. She did schedule me for my prenatal classes, and give me a tour of the labour / delivery part of the hospital, which is refreshingly not scary hospital room-y. I got a bunch of information, but none of it is very useful for right now, more for say, when I actually have a baby to breastfeed and / or put in a carseat.

Happy 12 weeks to me!

I have a cold, which I always do this time of year with the weather changing and whatnot. It's extra fun this year though, because I can't take a thing for it. Really. I usually handle things during the day with Advil cold and sinus, and knock myself out with a Neocitrin at night. No such luck for the pregnant among us, those things are very much off limits. As are all cold remedies. Seriously. Good times. So, I've taken 2 Tylenol over the past couple of days to relieve the headache part, which works, but my head is still full of crap, so doesn't work entirely. T-4 weeks until my 'real' dr appt. man, time is not flying.

tired and fat

good times. Work is so hard. Laugh all you want, but going back after a vacation is hard enough, and combined with the fact that I'm exhaustd most of the time anyway, it's not a good scene. My stomach is gradually getting...thicker. It's highly annoying. I don't have much to report still, my ultrasound has been booked, it's November 4th, which is a Thursday, at noon. Could it be a less convenient time? No. So, I'll probably just take the day, because it takes a while, I'd have to take some of the morning and the afternoon off anyway, so whatev. Also, I was told I have to drink 4-6 glasses of water an hour and a half beforehand, which is a lot, and 1.5 hours is a long time. I'll drink a glass of water and have to pee like, 30 minutes later. I'm not sure how this is going to work. Then they're going to be pushing on my poor full bladder with the thingy. Ouch! I need to know if I really need to drink that much, and how big these glasses are supposed to be.

I'm done 11 weeks now, into my 12th. I figure in another week, week and a half, I'll feel better. I have an appointment with a nurse at the hospital on Wednesday next week, she's going to give me some info, some classes I can take, ask me some stuff, and show me around the maternity ward etc. Should be good, at least it's something to do until October. I'm very anxious for someone to just look at me and say yes, you are pregnant, you're this far along, everything is going swimmingly. 4 more weeks until that.

yes, loyal fans, I'm still here

but so busy! Here's an update from Babycentre:

Your baby has tiny fingernails now and the ability to kick, swallow, and move. That's quite impressive for someone who's only the size of a lipstick case. That will change soon; within the next few weeks, your featherweight child should double in size. You may notice your clothes getting tighter as your uterus is now almost big enough to fill your pelvis.

That last part is true, and I'll tell ya, I'm not happy! Hardly seems fair to not be showing, but to just be getting fat. lol. I'll manage, I'm sure.

Not too much to report, I'm very tired, but have been getting up a lot earlier than I'm used to now, since going back to work. I may have to tell them sooner than later, or at least one of the vps, because I'm in charge of the drama productions, whee! but don't want to agree to do a spring production knowing full well that I won't be around to see it through. The vp I'd have to tell, obviously, is / was the drama guy before becoming vp halfway through last year.

that's it!

lies

just my opinion, but First Reponse says that there is such a thing as a little bit pregnant, and they can tell you if you are. I'd like to say no, on both counts. You either are, or you're not, let's face it. And I took their test 4 days before I was expecting my period (they say they can test 5 days before) and it was a resounding negatory. Clearly, I was pregnant at that point. So, read the fine print, it's something like 50% accurate early on, so really, save yourself the $10, don't go on any drug / alcohol binges, and wait until you're actually a day or 2 late before you test. You'll save money and frustration. And possibly some brain cells.

gross

so, symptoms are not yet improving. I made it all the way to yesterday without actually barfing, but that was as far as my winning streak was meant to go. The thing with feeling nauseated constantly, is that when you really have to throw up, it sort of sneaks up on you. I was in the shower. That's just gross. I know, it could have been worse, I could have been like, in my car, or in the mall, but it was still gross. I just wanted to share that with you. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Today I woke up feeling really good, but am back to feeling really gross again, so nibbling on a pb foldy and sipping chocolate milk, because that usually makes me feel better.

now you know.

in better news, I found out that a good friend of mine is also pregnant, just about a week behind me, so that's fantastic. She's here in the same city as me, so we can hopefully go to some classes together and stuff, and just have each other to say, oh, yeah, I have that too...we're both feeling much the same at this stage. I invite you all to go ahead and get knocked up, and we can all go through this together. I'm pretty sure the grossness is going to stop soon, hopefully in a couple of weeks. My main hope is just that I don't start barfing regularly at all, because that's just not practical for work. Plus, I was hoping not to tell them right away, but my stealthiness could be thrown off by daily vomiting. Wish me luck!

week 9 down, week 10 here we come

So I actually got to do something productive today, in relation to being pregnant. I went for some blood test, just routine pre-natal stuff I guess. They're testing for like, syphillis and HIV, mmm, and also rubella immunity and some other stuff that I couldn't decode on the little order sheet. 4 vials, that's enough knowledge for me. I won't have my first prenatal checkup until October 12th, which is annoying, but apparently normal, so whatever. I'll be 15 weeks by then. Seems a bit late for the first checkup, but she said if I came in earlier, all they would do was order blood tests and schedule an ultrasound, which is already being taken care of. That should be mid-October as well; I'm looking forward to that.

That's all my news, I couldn't eat before my blood tests so now I am starvin marvin, and also tired because I got up early to go so it wouldn't be so bad not eating beforehand.

coming up on week 9

time is FLYING. I know I said that not too long ago, but it really is. It's been 4 weeks since I found out I'm pregnant, and I have no idea where that time has gone. I've told everyone who's really close to me now, and obviously Grant's entire family and town knows because that's what happens in small towns / big families.

still feeling gross most of the time, and sadly for you I can't find any info on how big my uterus is nowadays. lol. bigger, I guess! I'm having some occasional cramps / twinges that I am of course taking as good signs. It sure does help to be reading about all this stuff though. I think the part I'm finding the weirdest, for some reason, is that everything that's supposed to happen, is happening. It's comforting in a way, but also strange to know exactly what's going to happen to me.

general silliness

I'm here by myself, the first of many days to come, and thinking of stuff. I've decided on Ella Rose for a girl and Oliver Robert for a boy. Not that it's entirely my decision, and I'm sure I'll change my mind before the time comes, but if it were born today, that would be her/his name.

fun stuff.

man (day 56)

uneventful dr. appt. I've been referred to an ob/gyn, which is good, but I just figured my family dr. would be taking care of me. I'm getting referred to a new lady dr. though, so that's good. I don't mind men, but I'm a little more comfortable with women doctors, just because I've always had them. So, waiting on the appointment times for that. I have to go have some bloodwork done, apparently routine; I'll go next week because I'm going with Grant's mom to an appointment in the same building.

Telling Grant's parents went swimmingly. It's funny how much we worry, and then everyone just ends up being surprised, but then happy for us and excited about being grandparents. I feel bad for not having told Erin yet, but I want to tell her in person, not like, on messenger. I'll see her this weekend, so that's excellent.

So, not much going on that's new, week 9 starts tomorrow. wow! Time is flying, maybe just because it's summer. School tends to fly by too.

my parents, down

well, they're fine actually, but the telling of them is done. I told them Sunday night, and didn't really break it to them all that gracefully, but in the end, we're all ok. They do, as expected, want us to get married, but I just don't know. I do, we do want to get married, but I'm not sure the shotgun-style is really how I want to remember my special day. Also, since I don't get time off, we'd have to do it on a weekend with no possibility of honeymooning (no thanks) or at Christmas or March break. Christmas, sure, but that's not a tonne of time to plan. March break I'll be 8+ months along, and probably not feeling much like going anywhere. We had planned, loosely, on going away somewhere, and I think we'd like to stick to that. I'll talk to my parents some more, and Grant's parents of course, but I don't want to get married just to be married. That's not the right reason. The baby will still have Grant's last name right away, so it'll just be me doing the catching up. Which is fine.

Anyway, so I'm a little relieved, I still have to tell my sister, I think my mom is going to tell my Grannie, and then there's Grant's family. Wish me luck! It's so different like this than it would be in a couple of years, if we were married and say, working permanent jobs in the same city.

yipes

so, I'm at the cottage, just me and my parents. Just me and my dad actually, right now. Mom went to a friend's 50th on the Island, and will be back later today. Anyway, obviously I haven't told them. I'm going to, I just haven't figured out how. I've been doing fairly well with not throwing up or anything, and since mom wasn't here last night she didn't notice that I wasn't drinking Mike's like I normally do. I ran some errands with Dad yesterday, we went to the Pork Shop and I had to try very hard not to barf on the nice people there. Nausea is coming and going, but it's definitely made worse by smells and / or thinking about food that's unappealing. Last time I was here, a few weeks back I guess since I didn't know at that point I was pregnant, we had a huge feed of ribs. Dad made them again for us last night and I ate 3. The 3rd one was very tricky. I ate all my salad, I seem to do much better with things like salad, sandwiches, soup. Real meals are still not holding any appeal, along with a lot of food. I can't say that I'm craving any specific foods so much as just trying to figure out what it is that I can eat that will make me feel good. Eating does help the nausea, but it's hard to find foods that aren't gross right now. Tonight we're having salmon and beets, and hopefully cucumber salad. Ordinarily, honestly, my favourite summer meal. Today, not so sure.

Things are still a bit tense at home, we're really trying to figure out how this is going to work. It's looking like the best plan is going to be me moving up to Fredericton in April, once I have the baby, and then most likely staying there. Assuming Grant is still working there, doing well and liking it. It does pose problems though, if he rents a place for now, he'll most likely get stuck in a year lease, and he'll be renting with somebody else. I doubt somebody else is going to be too pleased with me and an infant moving in come spring. We'll see.

So, as I said at the get-go here, I still have to tell my parents. I'm figuring this afternoon or evening. How exactly does one broach that subject? So...guess what! Dah. I'll let you know how it goes.

On a side note, my mom really wants us to get married. She's stopped being subtle about it. She figures if we can afford to live together, we can afford to be married. I told her it's not the *being* married, it's the *getting* that's the issue, these things cost money. She said, as if this should have been clear to me, that she and my dad would pay for the wedding. Good news. She said not like $100k or anything, (as if I'd want that, ack), but yeah. I told her I'd pass that along.

ho hum

day...I have no idea. 46 I think. Not much to report, and I can't see that there will be for a while. I feel like ass and am pretty tired. I've nearly vomited in my car and on the checkout guy at Superstore. I haven't actually been sick yet, which I guess is good because barfing is really awful.

check out the alien baby. very bizarre, but pretty cool too.

according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, I'm going to have a girl. Definitely have to wait that one out, since they don't tell you which it is here. I read it wrong and thought it was a boy first, which freaked me out, because I have this (totally irrational, I'm sure) idea that girl babies are for some reason easier to take care of.

mmm, symptoms (day 42)

my boobs are sore, I feel like barfing, and my pee is neon yellow from these crazy prenatal vitamins I'm taking.

the joy of pregnancy!

Day 40

I keep having to re-count to see how many days it is. I'm starting to have a bit of nausea, which isn't too fun, but is tolerable. 2 weeks until I go see my Dr. I wish they had been able to get me in a bit sooner, but with summer being busy and them going on vacation, they just couldn't. I'm actually a little glad that I'm starting to feel some of the 'normal' symptoms, because I just wasn't really feeling anything, and it was weird. It's still weird feeling something, because it really just still doesn't feel real, and I don't know that it will until I start to show. I think the Dr visit will help a bit, she'll be able to tell me if everything is going along as it should be, I'll be almost 8 weeks at that point, so there should be some noticeable changes for her to see / feel.

Day 35

of 280. I can't decide if that seems like a really long time, or like an impossibly short time before this will be really, undeniably, real.

I'm feeling pretty good today, I sat out in the sun for a while and read, but it was a bit warm and the cats were making dying of lonliness sounds from inside, so I came back in. I do find myself choking up at like, random tv commercials and bits of shows, but that could just be because I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Can't imagine why. Still haven't told anyone, and am not planning on it. I'm torn though, I do want to, because I know the support of my family, after their initial shock, will be a tremendous support, but I just want to have the checkup first, so I can know for sure what's going on, how far along and stuff. I'm also trying to figure out how to go about telling them. I have to say, I didn't do a spectacular job of telling Grant, I just sort of...told him. I think I could probably have done better. I want to get myself all sorted out first, because there will undoubtably be a million questions, the first of which being, I'm guessing, 'are you going to get married?'. And we are. We were going to anyway, so I guess most likely we will sooner than planned. That's the main thing I'm feeling so far, is that it's not the end of the world, it's just going to force a lot of things into existence sooner than we had planned.

still pregnant

apparently. It's odd though, I think I don't really believe it, and I think I probably won't until I go to the Dr. on the 18th. I just don't really feel pregnant. Not that I have any idea what that feels like. I have some symptoms, but it's odd. I feel like I should be able to really tell, but I know that's not realistic. Apparently not all women have morning (or afternoon or evening) sickness, and it doesn't usually start until about 6 weeks, which I'm not quite, so we'll see. I'm hoping to be one of the women who doesn't have it too badly though. They say it's largely caused by lack of eating, which is why it's generally worse in the morning. Eating 4-5 smaller meals instead of 3 giant spaced out ones is supposed to help, as is having a healthy snack before bed.

But yeah, overall, I'd say my main feeling is still a sort of surreal one, where I'm expecting to wake up tomorrow and have my period. Honestly though, I feel that way about a lot of things. Grown up things. When I first got my driver's license, I remember driving down Mountain Road to go get an ice cream, and thinking to myself, 'I'm going to get pulled over'. I was just waiting for the RCMP to come and tell me that they were just kidding at the DMV, that clearly I was not old / responsible enough to be operating a vehicle all by myself. I may have agreed. I feel, a lot of the time, like I'm 14, that all this car owning, career starting, baby having business is all an act, and that at any moment, somebody is going to gently pull me aside and say...'we're onto you...'

Am I alone here? Does anyone else feel like this? It's not that I don't want these things, I very much do, I want to be grown up and do grown up things, it just seems funny to me sometimes that I could buy a house, or get married, or have children. Or all 3.

So, yesterday I found out I was pregnant. It was my mom's birthday. I didn't think telling her would make a suitable gift though. My period was a few days late, as it is sometimes, and I opted to do a test to set my mind at ease. Jenn had very helpfully sent me some tests, so I had one handy. It's nice to have connections. Anyway, obviously, the test was positive. I think it doesn't really seem...real yet. I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel about it; when I did the test, I was sort of like, ok, interesting, 2 lines. That's never happened before. My initial reaction was just surprise, because I've had this (apparently irrational) fear of being unable to have children. I think it's been such a worry for me because that's one of the things I'm so sure of wanting in my life. But then reality set in. What does this mean for me? For my dream job that I'm starting in just over a month? What does this mean for my relationship? How am I going to tell him? Should I be serious? Should I try to be funny, or creative? Should I tell him right away, or should I wait to see the doctor and verify, make sure everything is ok? I called my Doctor, and was advised that false positives are very rare, that the inaccuracy in home pregnancy tests comes mainly from false negatives, where people are testing when the hormone levels are too low still. She said I could go and spend the extra $20 on another test, but that I could be fairly sure I was pregnant.

It was at this point I got a little hysterical. It didn't last long, thankfully, but I got a bit freaked out. I did go and buy another test, another brand even. I had more from Jenn, but I thought maybe they had been rendered defective from sitting in the mailbox in heat too long. I did the 2nd test yesterday afternoon, and it also came up positive. Since 2 false positives has odds somewhat akin to winning the lottery jackpot, I'm pretty sure at this point.

I've only told Grant, I don't want to tell too many people right away for fear that something might go wrong. We'll talk it over though, and decide when we want to go about telling our parents and such. It raises a lot of issues though. Grant will most likely be in Fredericton for..a long while. Starting pretty soon. I have to work here, I have a job here and no prospects of a job there, and it's quite likely I'll get my permanent contract here in the fall. These were issues before this, and now this sort of throws an extra wrench into the works. Grant needs to go to this job in Fredericton, it's an excellent opportunity and he's really excited about it. It will allow him to actually work in his field, (imagine), and to perhaps even pursue a Master's degree. Not really something he can turn down. I have my perfect job here, at a great school, and in just plain practical terms, I have to work for at least 6 months in order to get Maternity leave benefits. I have to say though, for all my conviction on these points, I'm really a little apprehensive about going through all this by myself. I know I'll have the fantastic support of my friends and family, but very few of those people are in the same city as me, so it'll be long-distance support.

So, according to the books I'm now reading, I'm almost 5 weeks along. The counting starts, confusingly enough, at the first day of your last menstrual period. Jr. is about the size of an apple seed, quite tiny.

As always, I'll keep you posted.