so..

still haven't told anyone. Including you, probably! So shhhh.

Grant was so busy on Friday, we (yes, we, I scanned all 64 pages, thanks) only got his final in just after midnight (it wasn't due until 4am, so no worries there), and then my parents were up, and so...no time. So now I don't know. I need to tell someone, I'm going bananas. I actually had to lie to my mom, because it's about that time, you know, when people start expecting another baby to come along any time now. So we were talking about that, I was joking about how I'll try for a girl for the next one, because every time we're out we see such beautiful little girly things (although really, really, I'll be happy if this one is a boy also. Kieran is fantastic, and it'd be a lot easier in many ways to have another boy.) so anyway, I told her I'd keep her posted, but as far as I knew I wasn't knocked up yet. She said, are you sure? You had your period in Maine, have you had it since then? Yes, sure have! Sorry Mom. Put me on the spot though! I don't want to tell people over the phone, jeepers. I have to tell Erin in person for sure, last time I told her over the phone, because she was supposed to come to the cottage where I would have seen her, but then wasn't going to make it, and I was worried she was going to find out from someone else.

No real goings-on yet. Started work today, and am glad for the thus-far lack of any barfiness. Supposedly the 2nd time is better for "morning" sickness, but I know a few people who did not find that to be true. One girl actually was not sick at all with her first, and was so sick she had to be medicated the 2nd time around. She had a girl the 2nd time too though, and that's another myth, that you're more sick with a girl. I was sick, but not too badly, with Kieran, so we'll see if that one holds true. Remember I barfed in the shower? That was gross.

I'd like to ask Grant how he'd like me to tell him about our "next" pregnancy, but can't think how to do that without arousing suspicion. Much like the taking the 'rents to A&W. I also just had a perfect opportunity to ask him, because a girl on TV was calling her semi-boyfriend to tell him, and I was like, wow, not a great way to deliver that news. But Grant didn't acknowledge it. Jerk. He's playing on Facebook, so, quite busy.

I'm going to bite the bullet and publish this bad boy, if only so I can obsessively check the little baby ticker thing at the bottom. Whee! So don't tell anyone if I haven't told you like, in person yet. Thanks. And, sorry if this is how you're finding out. What are you doing reading this page anyway??

deja vu

all over again.

I'm reading my posts from last time I was at this stage. I'm so, so glad I decided to journal everything from last time. Mostly the only thing I remember from last time is the being pregnant, hugely so (although Tiresa beat me on that front, big time). I remember other stuff, but I don't remember, until I read it, the feeling of like, no, I'm probably not really pregnant, the test was wrong, I'll have my period....tomorrow. But that's exactly what I had written last time. It just doesn't seem real yet I guess. I haven't told anybody, which is part of it. I may tell my sister today, I need to tell someone. I may also tell Grant tonight. I hadn't just because he was so stressed with his final, but that's done, so game on. No brilliant ideas other than making Kieran a t-shirt that says "big brother: 26-04-08". I'm not sure Grant would notice though, is the thing. I'll think of something. But yes, my parents are coming up tomorrow, and I'd like to tell them in person. My mom and I had talked a while ago, and my dad thinks that A&W ad is awesome, where they get his parents supper and they get the dad a grandpa burger. I'd have to get Dad 2 though for him to get it. I don't think they make grandma burgers. Again. I'll think of something. Grant is actually going away tomorrow, but I don't think he'd mind. He was sort of hiding out when I told them last time at the cottage, he stayed home, but that was a bit different.

So yes. I'm having some lunch, Kieran is napping. Have I told you how great he is? Sure, he's 2, and he acts it sometimes, but mostly, he's great. He just decided he was tired, and went up to have a nap. GREAT. Love him so much. He's in a big bed now, so we usually have a cuddle before bed, which is really nice.

That's it for now. I'm not even publishing this yet, so basically I'm talking to myself. Nice!

here we go again

oooh ooh ooh

I'm pretty sure that's a song.

So, I sort of had this feeling that maybe I was pregnant, but I generally think that every month. Why? Who knows. So, I'm thinking probably I'm not, just my general paranoia.

Turns out, not so much.

Interesting.

Do me a favour though, if you're reading this, and it's not like, common knowledge, be a dear and don't spread it around. I'm pretty sure nobody reads this anymore, but I did just pass the address along to my dear frien Jenn for her sister, so if either of you is reading, SHHHH. While I'm not quite in the same situation as with Kieran, this won't come as a "wooohooo, we're pregnant again!" moment, I don't think. Except for the grandparents. Those guys are pretty funny. So, I now have the wonderful task of waiting, trying to figure out when / how to tell the man (not this week, he's writing a final for what will quite likely be the hardest of all his masters courses. no need to add to that stress!). I'd like to get through telling everyone with no crying this time. I cried when I told Grant about Kieran, because I was so worried about what it would mean for us. You'll recall things were different then as far as jobs and living arrangements. I cried when I told my parents because, well, same reason basically. I felt like I was 14 and knocked up by my inappropriate boyfriend. He wasn't inappropriate, that's just how nervous I felt. This time, it should be less scary. I'm going to even try to think of some interesting / creative way to tell people. Maybe.

Apparently the 2nd time around is a fair bit different from the first. It will be for me in a lot of ways. Different city, for one. Living with the man, for another. I'll be able to send him out to do my midnight craving bidding. I only made him go get me ice cream once last time, and that was at about week 40 and more because I just felt he'd gotten off too easy thus far than because I really thought I needed it. Also things start to happen sooner, symptom wise, which could be interesting. As we speak there are some beautiful raspberries on my kitchen counter that are making me want to barf, they smell really weird. They taste fine, but the smell is enough to drive me from the room. It took me a couple of hours to even figure out what the smell WAS, since I don't normally associate gross with raspberries. That could just be me being weird though.

Anyway. That's about it for now. Babycentre.ca says my due date is April 26th. So SO strange. I'll keep you posted.

moving on

I'm republishing this badboy over at my regular page, so the new address (although probably very few updates) will be www.moderatelyspicy.com/preggoblog.

later skaters.

a few more things about babies

don't overbuy one size of diapers. Most places you can trade unopened bags for the next size, so think about whether or not your little one will be little enough for that size for the whole bag. Those things are expensive, and while your friends with smaller babies will surely appreciate the extras, it's good to be able to use them yourself.

get the onesies / diaper shirts that snap up the front, not that pull over the head, especially for nighttime. You do not want to ever have to pull a soggy / poopy shirt over your baby's head, trust me. You especially don't want to have to wrestle with that at 3am.

always, ALWAYS, buy according to the weight guidelines on clothes, not the age. Kieran is in things now that range from 3 months (he was in some 3 month things at about 1 month) to 12 months. I don't think a normal healthy baby should only weigh what he weighs now at 12 months, but what do I know. Just check the labels.

establish routines, babies like that. at the same time though, accept that you're dealing with a baby, and they don't understand about your schedule and things you need to get done. sometimes you'll have a perfect day / night, other times, not so much. work with it.

feel all clothes for softness, check out the fasteners, and smell every bath / body product before you buy. I've got some clothes that are kind of rough fabric, or that have 14 snaps you need to do up to get it on. That's just not practical for speedy diaper changes. I've also got some 'baby' products that I'm not even sure Grant would want to use, they're that strong-smelling. Also, some are only to use on 3 months and up, check the directions.

things about being pregnant

- you have no idea how big you will get, so don't go buying maternity clothes that you think will last you the whole time when you're 3-4 months along. Those 'pregnancy' pillow things they have to stick up your shirt are just not helpful either. Sorry.

- beg, borrow, and steal whatever you can to build your new wardrobe. Shop 2nd hand, eBay, whatever. The clothes are too expensive, and you wear them for too short a time to go blowing too much money. Definitely get a few nice new things though, you're worth it.

- people will stare openly at you as you approach the end of your pregnancy. Try not to be offended by it, either ignore it or enjoy it.

- while I didn't run into any strangers wanting to touch my stomach, I don't think it would have bothered me as much as I thought it would have when I started this little journey. Everyone is different though, so if creepy coworkers are bothering you, just go ahead and start rubbing their bald spots or something, or (better) be honest and tell them you don't really appreciate it.

- people will do anything for you when you're knocked up. Enjoy it. The downside (and what really bothered me, making me want to do everything for myself) was that they'll do it for you because they think you're incompetent. Seen a pregnant woman on tv lately? Now you know why people think that. I was hu-freaking-mungous, and I could always bathe and dress myself, tie my shoes, whatever. I had a hard time carrying things sometimes, because of the obstacle on my stomach, but that was about it. So, deal with that as you see fit.

- take your prenatal vitamins. Start taking them now, you just never know. I'm glad I was taking a multi-vite with folic acid when we got our little surprise, but if you're not, go get some now. If your vitamins make you sick, try just taking them at night instead of the morning, before you go buy a different brand. They're not all the same, even though the ingredients are identical, so if the night thing doesn't work, do buy another kind.

- get as much rest as your huge-ass uncomfortable body will allow you to get before the big day.

- go out as much as your huge-ass uncomfortable, tired body will allow you to go. Movies, dinners, whatever. Just go. Even when the offers of babysitting come in, it may be a while before you feel physically or mentally up for a night on the town once your precious bundle arrives.

- try to remember that almost nobody delivers on their due date, and most people who don't are on the later side of on time.

- with that in mind, also be advised that nothing can induce your baby to come early other than your doctor, and that doesn't even always work. All the other things you hear / read about are myths, and while you can go ahead and try some of them (sex, pineapple, walking) you should steer clear of others (Castor oil, for one). You're just going to have to wait it out. Babies can be very stubborn.

- enjoy it as much as possible, it's really an amazing experience. There's a tiny person in there, and when you're not vomiting or bed-bound, take a moment to think about how cool that is. You'll miss it.

moving on

for now anyway. rather than try to keep up with 2 blogs, who am I kidding, I think for now I'll resume my posting over at the regular site. I still plan to do a list of things I learned in pregnancy / new mom-hood, which I'll post here, but as Mitch mentioned, the baby *is* my moderately spicy life now, so I may as well post everything together.

random thoughts for the day

the name "jogging stroller" makes no sense, when you think about it.

I'm about to spend too much money on books about babies and sign language and stuff.

I've been wearing Kieran in his carrying pouch thing for about 2 hours, just wandering around the house and sitting at the computer, and he has hardly let out so much as a whimper of protest. He's too busy sleeping and trying to eat the straps. I really need a sling, I think they're even easier, no straps and stuff to fiddle with.

Kieran's getting a lot more active. He can now spin himself around so where he was facing north south, say, he'll be facing east west 2 minutes later. Interesting. He can support his own weight while standing, and just needs to balance himself on somebody, which I think is weird for a month old baby. He's also become much more interested in putting his mouth on everything it comes across, like his hand, or the futon, and trying to eat them.

quickie

Kieran fell asleep on his own, in his crib. He had his soother and the aquarium crib thing was on, but still, he was wide awake when I put him down, and by the time I finished peeing and went to see how he was doing, out like a light. Very excited.

come on over

I'm all by myself...well, with Kieran and the cats and fish...until Thursday at supper, so I need some visitors please! Mainly to keep myself from going crazy talking to the baby and cats, really. So yeah, call me, come over, bring me treats, whatever. Kieran's generally a pretty happy guy and loves to be cuddled, but has been having some gas / growing pains lately which make him less fun. Still damn cute, but much louder than usual.

He found his thumb the other day, but I didn't get my camera in time to get a picture. Trust that it was cute.

We went for a visit to my friend Amy who had her baby 5 days before Kieran was born. Grant went to the Blue Rodeo concert in Moncton and I spent the night with Amy and Wyatt, which was pretty fun, but we decided nobody without infants would have thought so. It's just nice to have someone to talk all the baby stuff with, and to realize that everything your baby is doing / not doing is apparently normal. He showed off for the night by only waking up at 4 and 7:30. He does pretty well most nights though, depending what time he gets his last feed before we go to bed. Usually 11/12, 3/4, 6/7. I stay in bed as long as possible after that 6/7 feeding, but it's usually only a couple of hours, sadly. 2-3 in the day, 3-4 at night, he's got it figured out pretty well. Apparently they can start sleeping through the night (missing that 3/4 feeding) any time after 6 weeks, so I'm hopeful.

This time is a bit of a mess otherwise though, there was the 2 week growth spurt, then from 3-4 weeks is their gassiest and therefore fussiest time, and then any time from 4-6 weeks is another growth spurt. So we've been alternating between days of our normal, wonderful baby who's just a treat, and days of this poor, crampy, uncomfortable and unconsolable baby who won't sleep more than 20 minutes at a go during the day and takes a long time to get back to sleep at night. I feel bad for him, we got him gripe water (the alcoholic and non-alcoholic kind, because I didn't know there was alcohol in the regular stuff...no wonder it settles him down) and Gerber gas relief stuff, but the latter doesn't seem to work at all, and the former is a significant dose of stuff that Kieran doesn't really like, so it's been fun. I try to explain things to him, but he's really just not that understanding of things at this point. Just a minute honey, mommy needs to put on pants. Hang on one second sweetie, mom's on the toilet. I'll be right there bud, I don't really need to rinse off.

Anyway, naturally he woke up while I was typing here and is now sound asleep on my chest with his nose buried in the blanket. He enjoys sleeping on his stomach so much, I can't wait for him to be able to roll over so he can at night too.

so yes, in closing, come see me. I'm going to try to put him down again so I can pee. I give a hearty salute to single mothers; I have no idea how you got through this complete dependence stage on your own. And a belated happy Mothers' Day to all moms. You're great. Thanks.

all the pictures

seriously. except for the ones I got from my mom, they're mostly quite similar to mine so I haven't put them up yet. go here. they're big, be warned, and unedited. there are no woohoo shots, but there are pictures of Kieran seconds after birth, so be prepared for some goo. They're in folders by dates, so you can figure out what's what and from when. Enjoy!

pictures

wow, time flies

So Kieran's now 2 weeks and 3 days old, and we're still surviving, which is good stuff. He's a really good baby, although is currently going through a cranky stage / growth spurt, but we've been assured it doesn't last. Here's hoping. I'm pretty tired, but we're getting into more of a routine with the eating and sleeping, so things are settling down. What to say? Hmm. Things we've learned so far.

Babies don't like baths at first, but generally get to like them as they have more of them.
If your baby weighed 8lbs9oz at birth, and weighed 8lbs11oz at his 1-week checkup, and 9lbs7oz at his 2-week checkup, you will be horrified, but the doctors will be thrilled and tell you to keep doing what you're doing, whatever that is.
Babies do not like being startled by cats jumping on them or by things falling near them. They cry really sad, scared cries when things like that happen.
Babies can make horrific, sounding like they're being torn apart by wolves sounds, for no good reason other than that they have been in their carseat for what they think is too long, and they want out.
You will probably cry the first time your baby makes that sound, because you're really hormonal and you don't know why your baby is making that sound.
That's ok. You'll probably cry some other times too, for similar reasons.
That's ok too.
You'll find it really hard to keep in touch with people, and will just cross your fingers and hope they understand that it's not because you don't want to talk to them, but just that if you do find yourself with a moment during the day where there isn't a baby attached to your breast or sleeping peacefully on your chest (because he does sleep SO well there, and looks so cute, and you just aren't willing to chance that he'll wake up when you put him in his crib, so you just sit and watch him sleep and quite possibly fall asleep yourself), that generally there is something more pressing, like the need for clean dishes and undies for you and sleepers for him.
Actually having a baby is a good reality check for all your idealist notions of how you're going to do things. Drug free labour? Sweet Jesus no. Baby in bed with you? Regularly, no. Sometimes, yeah. Makes the night feedings *so* much easier. Pacifier for the baby? Again, regularly, no. Sometimes, yeah. He won't keep it in his mouth long anyway, but those few seconds of quiet while I'm changing a diaper at 3am are more valuable than my worry about him becoming one of 'those babies' who always has a soother in his mouth.

That's all I can think of for now, I'll let you know as we learn more.

baby!

ok, so short and to the point, because I'm tired, and frankly would rather be hanging out with my sweet boy or napping than sitting in this remarkably uncomfy chair at the computer.

woke up at about 2am Saturday with contractions, they were far apart though, so we just sat tight and I went back to sleeep. Woke up at about 3:30, they had progressed to what I would say is fairly painful and about 5 minutes apart. Woke up Grant again and Erin and headed to the hospital. 12.5 hours, GBS antibiotics, phentenol, laughing gas, and a pudendal block later, I have this to show for it.


Robert Kieran Roach (Kieran, not Robert)
8lbs 9oz
Born April 9, 2005 at 6:24pm


I wouldn't rush out and do it again, it was really painful and incredibly tiring, and every part of me aches still. It wasn't absolutely horrible though, and I think I managed pretty well. I'm amazed at myself, and what my body knows how to do, and what the last 9 months have given us. I'm way more hormonal now than I ever was while pregnant, my stomach is just...horrific, lol, but that's to be expected, my breasts are roughly the size of my head, much bigger than Kieran's head, and I'm so tired I could fall over. And it's so worth it. I'm going to go look at my baby. He's so soft and perfect and I just want to look at him and touch him and sniff him all the time.

More later when things settle down.

damn ticker!

I've decided that the baby on the baby ticker up yonder is actually my baby. Look how happy he is to be just hanging out at 41 weeks 1 day! What a jerk. According to my doctor here, I'm only 41 weeks tomorrow, but since my doctor originally told me I was due the 30th, and with the ultrasound saying last week sometime, I'm sticking with that. Like it matters at this point anyway. So I'll be either 41+4 or +2 on Sunday. Baby, COME OUT!

I'm sort of paranoid to be out and about now. Everything I've read says that it's unlikely your water will break before you know you're in labour, but it can happen. That's what happened to a few people I know anyway. I'd hate to like, be at Superstore (where I am almost every day) and standing in a pool; that'd be sort of embarassing. I went out to a concert last night with my sister and some friends, we were hoping that the loud music might encourage / scare the baby out, but obviously, no go.

I've been sleeping in until like, 11:30. I sometimes get up earlier with Grant and have breakfast, but then go back to bed and just sleep. Then I'm like, hmm, almost lunchtime, probably should get up. I'll try to 'enjoy this while I can', but I'm still not sleeping really well at night, and this is just a convenient way to waste half of the day.

because *other* people have news

ok. News bit number one, my preggo friend Amy had her baby on Monday, a little boy! She was due on Sunday, after me, so I sort of hate her, lol, but I've been saying since this whole bedrest thing started that she'd probably end up having her baby before me anyway, and she did. I'm so excited for her, but haven't talked to her yet so don't have any details. I do, however, have this lovely picture of us from when we chaperoned a kids' camping trip to Mount Carleton last spring. I have never, ever, had such a terrible time in my life, but Amy and I somehow kept each other from murdering any students or our fellow chaperone. I'm still not sure how. This picture pretty much sums up how much fun we were having, it's from about halfway up the mountain.


(Me and Amy. Note the fake smiles so the kids don't know we're plotting their deaths)

That's about as far as I made it, soon after this picture I had my first and only ever attack of exercise induced asthma. Scary stuff, I was pretty certain I was going to die.

News bit number 2, my friend Andrea and her fiancé John have entered a contest to win a dream wedding and honeymoon, the whole shebang. They've made the final 10, and now it's up to us to vote for them every day to make sure they win. So go here, click on 'contestants', and vote for Andrea and John. Read the story too, it's really sweet. But mostly, vote. And tell your friends to vote. I'm not sure when the contest closes, so vote soon.

I can hear the birdies chirping outside, it looks just lovely out. I think I'll go back to bed for a few minutes, because I had another fantastic sleep last night, and then maybe go for a walk.

no baby today

not a planned one, anyway.

membrane strip #3, it's becoming sort of a joke. She said I'm 3cm though, that's up a full cm from last week, and almost completely thinned out. The baby's head is 'well placed', which is good to know so that if I do (hopefully) go on my own, that the chances of cord prolapse are slim, where they would be slightly higher just because I have so much fluid in there. Anyway, all is good, I'm scheduled for an induction Sunday, but really, *surely*, something should happen before then. I have to call labour and delivery early, 7:30-ish, and go in whenever they tell me to, and my doctor should be in around 9am to start things going. They're going to rupture my membranes, and hopefully that's all they'll have to do.

It's lunch time, I just wanted to update everyone.

big day!

or not, still waiting for it to be time for me to go to my appointment. It's brutal, waiting. I've been awake since 5:30, because obviously I had to pee, and then just couldn't get back to sleep. I'm anxious to see what happens today, both because it could be something really exciting, and it could be nothing at all, which would be sort of frustrating.

My sister is up, and called a while ago to remind me to call her when I find out what's going on, even if it's nothing. She's stuck at a first aid course all day, and it seems I'm in a race with another guy who's there, he's waiting for his wife to have a baby. I'll do my best! I told her she's mom's fill in as labour coach. It's too bad really that you can only have 2 people in with you the whole time. I'll just have to be out wandering around I guess.

I've mostly stopped answering the phone, and will definitely be not answering the phone and will be changing the message once the ball starts rolling. Is that selfish / inconsiderate of me? I don't care, really. The thing is, if we're home, clearly there's nothing going on, so if you must call, remember that, and don't ask, that's just silly. I'm still feeling basically good, and that's the only reason that I haven't murdered anyone, or at least told anyone off. Including, but not limited to, random strangers at the mall who stare at me or ask me when I'm due. One woman last night, a saleslady at Reitman's, said, 'oh, I just always want to touch the bellies when I see them, but I know I can't!'. I think she was half expecting me to say, 'no, go ahead!' But I didn't. It's my stomach, and even though it's sticking out into what may appear to be public domain, it's still mine. I don't mind in the least when people I know touch me, but the idea of strangers is just...odd.

I'm compiling a list in my head of things that are good to know during pregnancy. I'll post it whenever I get a good bunch of things.

Well, it seems that it's actually time for me to start getting ready, showering and whatnot. My appointment is in an hour, and even though it won't be really, I always show up on time, just in case. Grant's going to meet me there; I'm glad he's coming to the appointments now because a) it gives me someone to talk to once they shuffle me into the doctor's office and make me wait some more, and b) he feels better knowing that there's really not much going on at these appointments, I'm not exaggerating at all, and everything is ok with me and the baby.

More later.

nothing doing

despite my best efforts, no baby yet. I've still got at least all day today to will something to happen, and there's no saying that my Dr. will for sure actually do anything tomorrow, she could just be setting up an appointment. We'll see. I'll definitely update tomorrow or Wednesday, so if you don't hear from me on here, it's possible that something's going on. It's also possible that blogger is broken, or something equally non-baby related.

I have an eye appointment on Wednesday in Moncton, I don't think I'm going to make it. It was made during the 'this baby is going to come any minute' stage of the game. SUCH the jokester! Anyway, so I have to change that. I really like my eye doctor in Moncton, but I think it's probably more practical to have one here for simple checkups like this...just an apres-lasik check in.

My poor belly has been so itchy lately that I thought I was going to die. I've got some band-aid anti itch gel that works pretty well, although smells like vaporub. I think the problem may be that because my pants don't fit properly (I don't know how they possibly could, at this point), the buttons and zippers (which are often open when I'm just hanging out at home) are probably rubbing against me, and I'm allergic to nickel, which they may be made of? I think this rather than just the stretching factor because it's only on the bottom half of my belly, and things don't really feel that tight there, relative to anywhere else already showing signs of stretch. So, I've gone back to my original plan of wearing the overalls every day to see if that helps.

I'm bored, and hungry, so am going to eat something to take care of one of those needs. I'll pass on any news as it presents itself to me.

reassurance

I've been talking to a friend of my sister's, and she had her membranes ruptured to induce labour. She started having contractions about 5 minutes later and delivered her baby about 7 hours later. Not bad. That's encouraging. Something has to work, right? I'm still holding out for something to happen naturally before that, so keep those labour vibes coming!