boo!

my pants don't fit.

I tried on 3 pairs of cords this morning, because I wanted to wear this specific sweater, and they all are too small. One pair laughed right out loud at me when I put them on, they didn't even come close to fitting. 2 pairs would do up, but there's no way I could sit down or even stand for the whole day like that. So I picked the lesser of the 2 evil pants, and walked around with my button undone for the whole day. Classy. What the hell do I wear now? Maternity clothes are way too big, but my nice, fitted clothes, are too small. Tops are fine, bras are a bit small, but bottoms are posing a serious problem.

whee!

I start a lot of posts that way.

2nd trimester, here I come! That's pretty exciting. I still haven't told work, because I'm still waiting for my appointment. It better be one hell of an appointment, I tell ya. I'm hoping to get some sort of like, confirmation, set my mind at ease a bit. And I know I'll feel better when I can tell work too. 2 more weeks.

better?

I don't seem to feel tooooo nauseated anymore, so I'm hopeful that things are going to start improving overall. The only real 'symptom' of pregnancy in the 2nd trimester is the ... well, being pregnant. The whole, no periods, getting fatter part. But the discomfort of nausea and sore boobs etc is supposed to go away. I'll keep you posted. That would be a good birthday present though! My bday is Sunday, at which point I'll be 3 months, so I'll be telling a few people I haven't gotten around to telling yet. Still holding off on telling school, at least until I have my dr. appt. After that, I'll have to let them know what's up, because I'll be needing to take a morning off a month for appointments, and I don't really want to use sick time if I don't have to.

fun stuff

check out the super cute counter-downy thingamajobber at the bottom of the page. 192 days to go! That's a lot. But not really. Hmm.

semi-useful appointment

but not terribly. She did schedule me for my prenatal classes, and give me a tour of the labour / delivery part of the hospital, which is refreshingly not scary hospital room-y. I got a bunch of information, but none of it is very useful for right now, more for say, when I actually have a baby to breastfeed and / or put in a carseat.

Happy 12 weeks to me!

I have a cold, which I always do this time of year with the weather changing and whatnot. It's extra fun this year though, because I can't take a thing for it. Really. I usually handle things during the day with Advil cold and sinus, and knock myself out with a Neocitrin at night. No such luck for the pregnant among us, those things are very much off limits. As are all cold remedies. Seriously. Good times. So, I've taken 2 Tylenol over the past couple of days to relieve the headache part, which works, but my head is still full of crap, so doesn't work entirely. T-4 weeks until my 'real' dr appt. man, time is not flying.

tired and fat

good times. Work is so hard. Laugh all you want, but going back after a vacation is hard enough, and combined with the fact that I'm exhaustd most of the time anyway, it's not a good scene. My stomach is gradually getting...thicker. It's highly annoying. I don't have much to report still, my ultrasound has been booked, it's November 4th, which is a Thursday, at noon. Could it be a less convenient time? No. So, I'll probably just take the day, because it takes a while, I'd have to take some of the morning and the afternoon off anyway, so whatev. Also, I was told I have to drink 4-6 glasses of water an hour and a half beforehand, which is a lot, and 1.5 hours is a long time. I'll drink a glass of water and have to pee like, 30 minutes later. I'm not sure how this is going to work. Then they're going to be pushing on my poor full bladder with the thingy. Ouch! I need to know if I really need to drink that much, and how big these glasses are supposed to be.

I'm done 11 weeks now, into my 12th. I figure in another week, week and a half, I'll feel better. I have an appointment with a nurse at the hospital on Wednesday next week, she's going to give me some info, some classes I can take, ask me some stuff, and show me around the maternity ward etc. Should be good, at least it's something to do until October. I'm very anxious for someone to just look at me and say yes, you are pregnant, you're this far along, everything is going swimmingly. 4 more weeks until that.

yes, loyal fans, I'm still here

but so busy! Here's an update from Babycentre:

Your baby has tiny fingernails now and the ability to kick, swallow, and move. That's quite impressive for someone who's only the size of a lipstick case. That will change soon; within the next few weeks, your featherweight child should double in size. You may notice your clothes getting tighter as your uterus is now almost big enough to fill your pelvis.

That last part is true, and I'll tell ya, I'm not happy! Hardly seems fair to not be showing, but to just be getting fat. lol. I'll manage, I'm sure.

Not too much to report, I'm very tired, but have been getting up a lot earlier than I'm used to now, since going back to work. I may have to tell them sooner than later, or at least one of the vps, because I'm in charge of the drama productions, whee! but don't want to agree to do a spring production knowing full well that I won't be around to see it through. The vp I'd have to tell, obviously, is / was the drama guy before becoming vp halfway through last year.

that's it!

lies

just my opinion, but First Reponse says that there is such a thing as a little bit pregnant, and they can tell you if you are. I'd like to say no, on both counts. You either are, or you're not, let's face it. And I took their test 4 days before I was expecting my period (they say they can test 5 days before) and it was a resounding negatory. Clearly, I was pregnant at that point. So, read the fine print, it's something like 50% accurate early on, so really, save yourself the $10, don't go on any drug / alcohol binges, and wait until you're actually a day or 2 late before you test. You'll save money and frustration. And possibly some brain cells.

gross

so, symptoms are not yet improving. I made it all the way to yesterday without actually barfing, but that was as far as my winning streak was meant to go. The thing with feeling nauseated constantly, is that when you really have to throw up, it sort of sneaks up on you. I was in the shower. That's just gross. I know, it could have been worse, I could have been like, in my car, or in the mall, but it was still gross. I just wanted to share that with you. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Today I woke up feeling really good, but am back to feeling really gross again, so nibbling on a pb foldy and sipping chocolate milk, because that usually makes me feel better.

now you know.

in better news, I found out that a good friend of mine is also pregnant, just about a week behind me, so that's fantastic. She's here in the same city as me, so we can hopefully go to some classes together and stuff, and just have each other to say, oh, yeah, I have that too...we're both feeling much the same at this stage. I invite you all to go ahead and get knocked up, and we can all go through this together. I'm pretty sure the grossness is going to stop soon, hopefully in a couple of weeks. My main hope is just that I don't start barfing regularly at all, because that's just not practical for work. Plus, I was hoping not to tell them right away, but my stealthiness could be thrown off by daily vomiting. Wish me luck!

week 9 down, week 10 here we come

So I actually got to do something productive today, in relation to being pregnant. I went for some blood test, just routine pre-natal stuff I guess. They're testing for like, syphillis and HIV, mmm, and also rubella immunity and some other stuff that I couldn't decode on the little order sheet. 4 vials, that's enough knowledge for me. I won't have my first prenatal checkup until October 12th, which is annoying, but apparently normal, so whatever. I'll be 15 weeks by then. Seems a bit late for the first checkup, but she said if I came in earlier, all they would do was order blood tests and schedule an ultrasound, which is already being taken care of. That should be mid-October as well; I'm looking forward to that.

That's all my news, I couldn't eat before my blood tests so now I am starvin marvin, and also tired because I got up early to go so it wouldn't be so bad not eating beforehand.

coming up on week 9

time is FLYING. I know I said that not too long ago, but it really is. It's been 4 weeks since I found out I'm pregnant, and I have no idea where that time has gone. I've told everyone who's really close to me now, and obviously Grant's entire family and town knows because that's what happens in small towns / big families.

still feeling gross most of the time, and sadly for you I can't find any info on how big my uterus is nowadays. lol. bigger, I guess! I'm having some occasional cramps / twinges that I am of course taking as good signs. It sure does help to be reading about all this stuff though. I think the part I'm finding the weirdest, for some reason, is that everything that's supposed to happen, is happening. It's comforting in a way, but also strange to know exactly what's going to happen to me.

general silliness

I'm here by myself, the first of many days to come, and thinking of stuff. I've decided on Ella Rose for a girl and Oliver Robert for a boy. Not that it's entirely my decision, and I'm sure I'll change my mind before the time comes, but if it were born today, that would be her/his name.

fun stuff.

man (day 56)

uneventful dr. appt. I've been referred to an ob/gyn, which is good, but I just figured my family dr. would be taking care of me. I'm getting referred to a new lady dr. though, so that's good. I don't mind men, but I'm a little more comfortable with women doctors, just because I've always had them. So, waiting on the appointment times for that. I have to go have some bloodwork done, apparently routine; I'll go next week because I'm going with Grant's mom to an appointment in the same building.

Telling Grant's parents went swimmingly. It's funny how much we worry, and then everyone just ends up being surprised, but then happy for us and excited about being grandparents. I feel bad for not having told Erin yet, but I want to tell her in person, not like, on messenger. I'll see her this weekend, so that's excellent.

So, not much going on that's new, week 9 starts tomorrow. wow! Time is flying, maybe just because it's summer. School tends to fly by too.

my parents, down

well, they're fine actually, but the telling of them is done. I told them Sunday night, and didn't really break it to them all that gracefully, but in the end, we're all ok. They do, as expected, want us to get married, but I just don't know. I do, we do want to get married, but I'm not sure the shotgun-style is really how I want to remember my special day. Also, since I don't get time off, we'd have to do it on a weekend with no possibility of honeymooning (no thanks) or at Christmas or March break. Christmas, sure, but that's not a tonne of time to plan. March break I'll be 8+ months along, and probably not feeling much like going anywhere. We had planned, loosely, on going away somewhere, and I think we'd like to stick to that. I'll talk to my parents some more, and Grant's parents of course, but I don't want to get married just to be married. That's not the right reason. The baby will still have Grant's last name right away, so it'll just be me doing the catching up. Which is fine.

Anyway, so I'm a little relieved, I still have to tell my sister, I think my mom is going to tell my Grannie, and then there's Grant's family. Wish me luck! It's so different like this than it would be in a couple of years, if we were married and say, working permanent jobs in the same city.

yipes

so, I'm at the cottage, just me and my parents. Just me and my dad actually, right now. Mom went to a friend's 50th on the Island, and will be back later today. Anyway, obviously I haven't told them. I'm going to, I just haven't figured out how. I've been doing fairly well with not throwing up or anything, and since mom wasn't here last night she didn't notice that I wasn't drinking Mike's like I normally do. I ran some errands with Dad yesterday, we went to the Pork Shop and I had to try very hard not to barf on the nice people there. Nausea is coming and going, but it's definitely made worse by smells and / or thinking about food that's unappealing. Last time I was here, a few weeks back I guess since I didn't know at that point I was pregnant, we had a huge feed of ribs. Dad made them again for us last night and I ate 3. The 3rd one was very tricky. I ate all my salad, I seem to do much better with things like salad, sandwiches, soup. Real meals are still not holding any appeal, along with a lot of food. I can't say that I'm craving any specific foods so much as just trying to figure out what it is that I can eat that will make me feel good. Eating does help the nausea, but it's hard to find foods that aren't gross right now. Tonight we're having salmon and beets, and hopefully cucumber salad. Ordinarily, honestly, my favourite summer meal. Today, not so sure.

Things are still a bit tense at home, we're really trying to figure out how this is going to work. It's looking like the best plan is going to be me moving up to Fredericton in April, once I have the baby, and then most likely staying there. Assuming Grant is still working there, doing well and liking it. It does pose problems though, if he rents a place for now, he'll most likely get stuck in a year lease, and he'll be renting with somebody else. I doubt somebody else is going to be too pleased with me and an infant moving in come spring. We'll see.

So, as I said at the get-go here, I still have to tell my parents. I'm figuring this afternoon or evening. How exactly does one broach that subject? So...guess what! Dah. I'll let you know how it goes.

On a side note, my mom really wants us to get married. She's stopped being subtle about it. She figures if we can afford to live together, we can afford to be married. I told her it's not the *being* married, it's the *getting* that's the issue, these things cost money. She said, as if this should have been clear to me, that she and my dad would pay for the wedding. Good news. She said not like $100k or anything, (as if I'd want that, ack), but yeah. I told her I'd pass that along.

ho hum

day...I have no idea. 46 I think. Not much to report, and I can't see that there will be for a while. I feel like ass and am pretty tired. I've nearly vomited in my car and on the checkout guy at Superstore. I haven't actually been sick yet, which I guess is good because barfing is really awful.

check out the alien baby. very bizarre, but pretty cool too.

according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, I'm going to have a girl. Definitely have to wait that one out, since they don't tell you which it is here. I read it wrong and thought it was a boy first, which freaked me out, because I have this (totally irrational, I'm sure) idea that girl babies are for some reason easier to take care of.

mmm, symptoms (day 42)

my boobs are sore, I feel like barfing, and my pee is neon yellow from these crazy prenatal vitamins I'm taking.

the joy of pregnancy!

Day 40

I keep having to re-count to see how many days it is. I'm starting to have a bit of nausea, which isn't too fun, but is tolerable. 2 weeks until I go see my Dr. I wish they had been able to get me in a bit sooner, but with summer being busy and them going on vacation, they just couldn't. I'm actually a little glad that I'm starting to feel some of the 'normal' symptoms, because I just wasn't really feeling anything, and it was weird. It's still weird feeling something, because it really just still doesn't feel real, and I don't know that it will until I start to show. I think the Dr visit will help a bit, she'll be able to tell me if everything is going along as it should be, I'll be almost 8 weeks at that point, so there should be some noticeable changes for her to see / feel.

Day 35

of 280. I can't decide if that seems like a really long time, or like an impossibly short time before this will be really, undeniably, real.

I'm feeling pretty good today, I sat out in the sun for a while and read, but it was a bit warm and the cats were making dying of lonliness sounds from inside, so I came back in. I do find myself choking up at like, random tv commercials and bits of shows, but that could just be because I haven't been sleeping very well lately. Can't imagine why. Still haven't told anyone, and am not planning on it. I'm torn though, I do want to, because I know the support of my family, after their initial shock, will be a tremendous support, but I just want to have the checkup first, so I can know for sure what's going on, how far along and stuff. I'm also trying to figure out how to go about telling them. I have to say, I didn't do a spectacular job of telling Grant, I just sort of...told him. I think I could probably have done better. I want to get myself all sorted out first, because there will undoubtably be a million questions, the first of which being, I'm guessing, 'are you going to get married?'. And we are. We were going to anyway, so I guess most likely we will sooner than planned. That's the main thing I'm feeling so far, is that it's not the end of the world, it's just going to force a lot of things into existence sooner than we had planned.

still pregnant

apparently. It's odd though, I think I don't really believe it, and I think I probably won't until I go to the Dr. on the 18th. I just don't really feel pregnant. Not that I have any idea what that feels like. I have some symptoms, but it's odd. I feel like I should be able to really tell, but I know that's not realistic. Apparently not all women have morning (or afternoon or evening) sickness, and it doesn't usually start until about 6 weeks, which I'm not quite, so we'll see. I'm hoping to be one of the women who doesn't have it too badly though. They say it's largely caused by lack of eating, which is why it's generally worse in the morning. Eating 4-5 smaller meals instead of 3 giant spaced out ones is supposed to help, as is having a healthy snack before bed.

But yeah, overall, I'd say my main feeling is still a sort of surreal one, where I'm expecting to wake up tomorrow and have my period. Honestly though, I feel that way about a lot of things. Grown up things. When I first got my driver's license, I remember driving down Mountain Road to go get an ice cream, and thinking to myself, 'I'm going to get pulled over'. I was just waiting for the RCMP to come and tell me that they were just kidding at the DMV, that clearly I was not old / responsible enough to be operating a vehicle all by myself. I may have agreed. I feel, a lot of the time, like I'm 14, that all this car owning, career starting, baby having business is all an act, and that at any moment, somebody is going to gently pull me aside and say...'we're onto you...'

Am I alone here? Does anyone else feel like this? It's not that I don't want these things, I very much do, I want to be grown up and do grown up things, it just seems funny to me sometimes that I could buy a house, or get married, or have children. Or all 3.