finally!

that's right folks. As of tomorrow at about 10:30, I'll know what the HELL is going on in there. I was out of my office at a meeting for about half an hour, and when I got back, there was a message for me from Angela. I asked Marjorie, my TA who had taken the message, if Angela happened to mention who she was exactly. Marj said no, she said you'd know what it was about. ok. So I call back, and they answer, Hello, Ultrasound? I said, OH, you called me! I gave them my name, and the woman is like, hi, Sarah, we're wondering if you can come in for an appointment tomorrow. I said, yes. She laughed, she said ok, do you want to know what time? I said yes, but it doesn't matter, I'll be there. 10:30 it is. Messes up my day, in that I won't be at work for most of it, but I will go back for our after school meeting. I'll let you know whatever I find out, probably tomorrow night.

My first thought was that I was really excited. I've been waiting for this for 3 weeks now, and as far as I can tell I'm even moreso too big than I was at my last appointment. I can feel the top of my fundus (sounds like a dirty word, kind of) right at my bellybutton, and it shouldn't be there until at least 20 weeks. That's a good 5 weeks off. Anyway. So we have what, 4 possibilities. Wrong dates, giant baby, more than one baby, and excess fluid. I think the last one is probably the most likely to be causing this much of a discrepancy, but I'm really going to try to just let it BE and forget about it for tonight, since I'll find out for sure tomorrow. Just over 12 hours! Grant can't come, so Erin is coming with me. I told her I couldn't take any kind of news by myself, and she's never seen an ultrasound, so it's a win-win.

Ok. Going to watch Heroes and Prison Break and eat peanut butter m&ms. Mmm!

not to alarm anyone

but let's, sort of. I'm already alarmed, and haven't heard anything about my ultrasound yet. They're apparently going to call me the day before they can squeeze me in for an appointment.

I thought it was time for some pictures.



The one on the left is me last time, November 10, so roughly 4.5 months pregnant. The one on the right is me now, at 3 months pregnant. I'm not seeing a whole lot of difference. A tad scary. No sense worrying, but logic doesn't necessarily work for me. I need to know what's going on. I could either be way off on my dates, which is very unlikely, since I'm a pretty regular girl, and there are certain indicators that happened each month which let me know I was not pregnant. The month before I found out was no exception, and there was nothing unusual about it. I could have excess fluid again, which would not be good, because to be that much too big this early doesn't bode well for like, 4 months from now. I could be having triplets, which let's just face it, is terrifying. I've been trying to do some research, and I actually found one post where a lady said she had never encountered anyone measuring 4 or more cm large early on who hadn't been pregnant with multiples. Super fantastic!

Anyway. I'm going to work on the assumption for now that there's just the one in there, that my dates are correct, and that there is some other very reasonable explanation as to what's going on.

13 weeks

or 16, depending who you ask. All's well with me and the babe, other than the fact that my uterus apparently believes I am 16 weeks pregnant. I believe (with good reason) that I'm 13 weeks / 3 months. I feel better now that I know I'm not just crazy and I really am looking more pregnant than I should. My nurse / doctor lady seems to think that's odd, so is booking me for an ultrasound asap. I like ultrasounds, so I'm not going to complain. I then also have to make an appointment with my doctor again, before my next regular appointment. My admin team is going to love me! Need some more days off please! Also, I have to get my blood work redone in a month, which is extra fun. I'm hoping they don't have to redo ALL of it, because they took like 8 vials last time, and that's a lot. Also it involved a lot of waiting for my number to be called to sign in even though I had an appointment.

I sort of thought I was feeling better, but I'm not so sure now. I think I'm mostly just tired, and that sort of makes me feel ick in other ways. My mom is coming up tonight for a couple of days, so I can complain to her, which should help. Not sure what the weekend entails, likely not anything too exciting.

I really should be working right now, not blogging, so off I go.

12 weeks

the magic switch hasn't gone off yet though. You know, the one that's like, ok, now you can stop feeling like garbage. Soon, I hope! Next week the baby will be the size of half a banana. I couldn't find any good food comparisons for this week, my apologies.

We're having people over for dinner tonight, I just wanted to say hi. We were planning dinner Friday night, but our power was out until about 4am Saturday, so that was a no-go. Cold here in October, let me tell you! The next house will have a fireplace.

Halloween party?

I'm not even sure who reads this, but if I were to have a Halloween party, probably the Sunday before, for the wee ones, would you come? You don't necessarily need kids, but that would be the basic idea. That'd be the 28th. I'll maybe post on the other site too, and see who's interested.

wardrobe malfunctions

My frigging pants. I walked around all day (or at least until recess when I had to pee) with my zipper down. Fortunately my shirt is long enough that I think *probably* no students noticed. Today WOULD be a day where I'm working with kids, of course. Anyway. None of my clothes fit. All my regular clothes are put away, except for some t-shirts and sweaters that are too big to begin with. The maternity clothes as a rule are too big still, but the "fat" clothes that I managed to salvage (luckily Erin is about as good at purging stuff as I am, and still had the stuff I had given her) mostly don't fit either.

I sure am excited for when I can stop complaining and start talking about the fun stuff, like hearing the baby's heartbeat (hopefully next week, fingers crossed!), feeling movement, having a legitimate baby belly, that kind of stuff.

I'm supposed to be at a meeting right now. Fortunately, I'm actually supposed to be at 3 meetings, so they probably all assume I'm somewhere else. Sweet!

25% cooked

That's sort of fun. 3 more weeks and I'll be 1/3 cooked. Or, the baby will be. Still feeling pretty gross, and am falling asleep on the couch after school despite the fact that there is a very active 2.5 year old within 30cm of me, being, well, a 2.5 year old. He's really good about waking me up though. Usually it involves him jumping on me and yelling "GOTCHA! GOTCHA MUM!". Super fun. He did though, yesterday, say "nap?" and I said "yes, babe, I would love to have a nap." He said, "ok" and put a pillow on me, kissed my arm, and said "nigh nigh" and wandered off. If only, if ONLY, he could be trusted to not destroy things inside of 30 seconds, I might actually be able to nod off for a few minutes. No such luck. He wandered off to find a cat to terrorize. It was a nice thought though.

Not really a lot else going on I'm afraid. I'm going to go shower while the showering is good. That is, while the boy is napping. Not sure what else we'll get into today. Probably not anything too exciting. Might try to take some nice fall pics of him outside. Exciting, I know!

stupid blog

won't publish. The other site is working fine, they both go to the same server, I don't know what's wrong. I'm just making this new lovely post to try to get it publishing again. Lovely!

the way things work

not that most of you will understand this, but I will not be getting my B contract this year. It's not done here like it is....everywhere else, apparently. Here, the job is advertised as either a D (one year) or B (permanent) contract, and that's how it stays. So, new people can swoop in and take B jobs, and others can work for years and never get it, because there's not one in their subject or geographic area.

Lame. I was putting off telling my boss to see if I might get my B, but that's not going to happen, so I might as well tell them now. The only benefit other than being paid all year is that you have the security of knowing you'll be back at the same school the next year. Which is nice.

Anyway, so I still feel like garbage, nothing new to report there. I went through all my clothes on the weekend, Erin donated some fat pants to me, which was great. About half of them were mine anyway, some of them I really like, but they were too big. Not anymore! Anyway. I put away things that are like, size 6-8 (I don't have a lot of size 6 things, rest assured, but I do have a couple!), because I'm not right now, and tops that only just fit before, and really summery stuff. I feel very organised. Now I just have to go through and put on hangers and in drawers all my fat / maternity clothes, and I'll be all set. I didn't bother putting away any sweaters, because they're stretchy.

In week 10, pretty excited about that. Having supper tomorrow with my friend Amy, who had her first baby at the same time as I had Kieran, and she's now expecting in December. Should be fun. We went to visit Tiresa and Isabel yesterday (and Dave, but Dads generally get left out of the whole thing, sorry), and Kieran was super cute, trying to soothe the baby, telling her "ok, ok" and petting her (very gently for a 2 year old, but perhaps not as gentle as Mum might) on the head. He loves babies, which I take as a good sign, but it's always easier to love something that you get to leave at the end of the day.

so now I'm worried

not about anything serious, sorry to alarm you. I've been re-reading my old preggo blog archives, and it's helping in a lot of ways, because I really don't remember feeling *this* awful all the time, but I think, in re-reading, that I did. The thing that worries me is that I got worse around this time, as far as like, vomiting in the shower, and so on. So, that's gross.

The kidney bean baby seems to be doing well, if my feeling terrible is any indication. I have a dr. appt on Wednesday, and though I'm quite sure they're not going to do a blessed thing, you never know. I should be going for blood tests soon, that'll be another day off work. I love days off work.

Went to a wedding last night, which was pretty fun. Stayed up too late, and snuck into the kitchen with 2 other ladies to clean up some of the leftover food. The only bad part about not drinking was that I got tired of the juice and pop scene, and for some reason I don't really like WATER right now (seriously!), so I really wanted chocolate milk, but there wasn't any. They had homo milk for kahlua and milks, but that's just gross.

I'm off to find something to drink. Not water though. Juice is good.

I need to complain

and I think my family has had enough of it directly, so here you go, internet. Today has been gross. I wore pants that are a bit too big, but still had to unbutton them if I sat at my desk for a while. I feel like I'm going to vomit, with some really strong waves throughout the day of like, oh, god, I really am going to... and I'm alternating between feeling so hungry that I might fall down and feeling so full (halfway through my small meal) that I am just insanely uncomfortable.

that's all I guess.

scary sh*t.

I swear, I have pants that don't fit. Already. I would not be so alarmed if I had gained some weight, but I have not. Unless I suck my stomach in (like, not breathing at all) I have a lovely little paunch. If I just hold it in normally, good posture and all that, it sticks out. Wtf? Not that I was like, svelte before, but this is outlandish. I have to go to a wedding this weekend, and am definitely not going to be able to wear the very nice fitted dress that I had planned to wear. I wore it to the wedding of 2 friends last year, and it would have been great, same time of year and everything. NO GO. I don't even think the Spanx will help, and they're pretty powerful. I'll have to see. I must have some nice low-rise pants that will do the trick.

Staying at work late tonight, meet the teacher at 5:30. No sense going home in between, because (and Grant and I agree on this) there's no way I can count on him to be home on time for me to leave and be back here on time. SO, I'll stay. Chat, update blogs, you know. Eat snacks. I'm doing a lot of that lately. I had to stop and get myself a cheeseburger on the way home last night. And the "had to" is not even an exaggeration. I was so hungry I was going to vomit. Which, admittedly is a more familiar feeling as of late than usual, but still. Gross. I had cake last week, good, homemade cake, and I took a bite, and I couldn't eat it. Take a moment to let that sink in.

wtf? I have never, ever, not eaten a piece of cake.

I need to go eat some more cheesey ritzes.

do things always have to get worse before they get better?

the smell of my deoderant is making me (more) nauseated. I ate a pb and banana sandwich, and it was delicious, which is nice since the only things that have been delicious lately have been pretty unhealthy. Cheeseburgers, fries, chips. Crackers, which aren't terrible for you, but aren't really meant to be more than half your food supply.

so gross

While, knock on wood, I haven't actually thrown up yet, I feel so gross, all the time. It helps to eat, but only really while I'm eating, and I don't think I can just eat constantly for the next 8 months. And it's not healthy stuff either, although apples are tasty. Mostly it's like, chips, burgers, crackers. Salty stuff. I picked up some ginger today in caplets, I think the chewy candied stuff would be too strong. So, I just took 2 caplets, I'll let you know how it goes. I burped and it tasted like ginger, so it must be in there. I don't remember feeling great while pregnant with Kieran, but I don't remember feeling this awful all the time. And definitely not before 6 weeks. I even checked. So, that's pretty fun. So now I've got myself convinced that it's like, twins, and that's why it's so much worse. It's supposed to be not as bad, according to what I've read, but from people I know, it has been as bad or worse, so...helpful.

I feel gross. I'm going to eat something and then vegetate.

mostly everyone knows now

I really hadn't planned to tell many people, but that just shows you what planning can do for you. All the parents know, and siblings. Grant told everyone he made eye contact with this weekend, which is nice in a way, that he's excited, but also sort of ... because we're so early, I feel sort of silly telling people. Yes, thanks, we're 6 weeks along! Of 40! Wooh!

No showing yet, which is to be expected, but I'm nervous because most of what I read says that you show about a month earlier than with the first, and I was quite obviously pregnant by 3 months with Kieran. I can just see me all enormous in like 2 weeks. Good lord. I feel like a great big pile of ass, and am going to start an official petition to change the name from morning sickness to just like, pregnancy related nausea. Not as catchy, but it's not in any way related to the morning. I thought eating would help, so the other day I ate enough for about 3 days in the one day, and it didn't help at all. And I can't keep doing that unless I want to gain 80lbs this time. Which I don't, really. I still have a nice little paunch from my dear boy, which I blame largely on the giganticness of the belly and also on the appendectomy scar. No fun. Anyway, I will keep you posted, but no pics yet, because it would just be me, relatively normal.

I have to go to bed now. Work tomorrow, with children! Should be a pretty good week, but I am already exhausted and have the beginnings of a delightful cold forming, for which I cannot take ANYTHING. I even checked on echinachea, and the pharmacist said it's a no-go, since it's so new and they just can't be sure.

Sigh.

so..

still haven't told anyone. Including you, probably! So shhhh.

Grant was so busy on Friday, we (yes, we, I scanned all 64 pages, thanks) only got his final in just after midnight (it wasn't due until 4am, so no worries there), and then my parents were up, and so...no time. So now I don't know. I need to tell someone, I'm going bananas. I actually had to lie to my mom, because it's about that time, you know, when people start expecting another baby to come along any time now. So we were talking about that, I was joking about how I'll try for a girl for the next one, because every time we're out we see such beautiful little girly things (although really, really, I'll be happy if this one is a boy also. Kieran is fantastic, and it'd be a lot easier in many ways to have another boy.) so anyway, I told her I'd keep her posted, but as far as I knew I wasn't knocked up yet. She said, are you sure? You had your period in Maine, have you had it since then? Yes, sure have! Sorry Mom. Put me on the spot though! I don't want to tell people over the phone, jeepers. I have to tell Erin in person for sure, last time I told her over the phone, because she was supposed to come to the cottage where I would have seen her, but then wasn't going to make it, and I was worried she was going to find out from someone else.

No real goings-on yet. Started work today, and am glad for the thus-far lack of any barfiness. Supposedly the 2nd time is better for "morning" sickness, but I know a few people who did not find that to be true. One girl actually was not sick at all with her first, and was so sick she had to be medicated the 2nd time around. She had a girl the 2nd time too though, and that's another myth, that you're more sick with a girl. I was sick, but not too badly, with Kieran, so we'll see if that one holds true. Remember I barfed in the shower? That was gross.

I'd like to ask Grant how he'd like me to tell him about our "next" pregnancy, but can't think how to do that without arousing suspicion. Much like the taking the 'rents to A&W. I also just had a perfect opportunity to ask him, because a girl on TV was calling her semi-boyfriend to tell him, and I was like, wow, not a great way to deliver that news. But Grant didn't acknowledge it. Jerk. He's playing on Facebook, so, quite busy.

I'm going to bite the bullet and publish this bad boy, if only so I can obsessively check the little baby ticker thing at the bottom. Whee! So don't tell anyone if I haven't told you like, in person yet. Thanks. And, sorry if this is how you're finding out. What are you doing reading this page anyway??

deja vu

all over again.

I'm reading my posts from last time I was at this stage. I'm so, so glad I decided to journal everything from last time. Mostly the only thing I remember from last time is the being pregnant, hugely so (although Tiresa beat me on that front, big time). I remember other stuff, but I don't remember, until I read it, the feeling of like, no, I'm probably not really pregnant, the test was wrong, I'll have my period....tomorrow. But that's exactly what I had written last time. It just doesn't seem real yet I guess. I haven't told anybody, which is part of it. I may tell my sister today, I need to tell someone. I may also tell Grant tonight. I hadn't just because he was so stressed with his final, but that's done, so game on. No brilliant ideas other than making Kieran a t-shirt that says "big brother: 26-04-08". I'm not sure Grant would notice though, is the thing. I'll think of something. But yes, my parents are coming up tomorrow, and I'd like to tell them in person. My mom and I had talked a while ago, and my dad thinks that A&W ad is awesome, where they get his parents supper and they get the dad a grandpa burger. I'd have to get Dad 2 though for him to get it. I don't think they make grandma burgers. Again. I'll think of something. Grant is actually going away tomorrow, but I don't think he'd mind. He was sort of hiding out when I told them last time at the cottage, he stayed home, but that was a bit different.

So yes. I'm having some lunch, Kieran is napping. Have I told you how great he is? Sure, he's 2, and he acts it sometimes, but mostly, he's great. He just decided he was tired, and went up to have a nap. GREAT. Love him so much. He's in a big bed now, so we usually have a cuddle before bed, which is really nice.

That's it for now. I'm not even publishing this yet, so basically I'm talking to myself. Nice!

here we go again

oooh ooh ooh

I'm pretty sure that's a song.

So, I sort of had this feeling that maybe I was pregnant, but I generally think that every month. Why? Who knows. So, I'm thinking probably I'm not, just my general paranoia.

Turns out, not so much.

Interesting.

Do me a favour though, if you're reading this, and it's not like, common knowledge, be a dear and don't spread it around. I'm pretty sure nobody reads this anymore, but I did just pass the address along to my dear frien Jenn for her sister, so if either of you is reading, SHHHH. While I'm not quite in the same situation as with Kieran, this won't come as a "wooohooo, we're pregnant again!" moment, I don't think. Except for the grandparents. Those guys are pretty funny. So, I now have the wonderful task of waiting, trying to figure out when / how to tell the man (not this week, he's writing a final for what will quite likely be the hardest of all his masters courses. no need to add to that stress!). I'd like to get through telling everyone with no crying this time. I cried when I told Grant about Kieran, because I was so worried about what it would mean for us. You'll recall things were different then as far as jobs and living arrangements. I cried when I told my parents because, well, same reason basically. I felt like I was 14 and knocked up by my inappropriate boyfriend. He wasn't inappropriate, that's just how nervous I felt. This time, it should be less scary. I'm going to even try to think of some interesting / creative way to tell people. Maybe.

Apparently the 2nd time around is a fair bit different from the first. It will be for me in a lot of ways. Different city, for one. Living with the man, for another. I'll be able to send him out to do my midnight craving bidding. I only made him go get me ice cream once last time, and that was at about week 40 and more because I just felt he'd gotten off too easy thus far than because I really thought I needed it. Also things start to happen sooner, symptom wise, which could be interesting. As we speak there are some beautiful raspberries on my kitchen counter that are making me want to barf, they smell really weird. They taste fine, but the smell is enough to drive me from the room. It took me a couple of hours to even figure out what the smell WAS, since I don't normally associate gross with raspberries. That could just be me being weird though.

Anyway. That's about it for now. Babycentre.ca says my due date is April 26th. So SO strange. I'll keep you posted.

moving on

I'm republishing this badboy over at my regular page, so the new address (although probably very few updates) will be www.moderatelyspicy.com/preggoblog.

later skaters.

a few more things about babies

don't overbuy one size of diapers. Most places you can trade unopened bags for the next size, so think about whether or not your little one will be little enough for that size for the whole bag. Those things are expensive, and while your friends with smaller babies will surely appreciate the extras, it's good to be able to use them yourself.

get the onesies / diaper shirts that snap up the front, not that pull over the head, especially for nighttime. You do not want to ever have to pull a soggy / poopy shirt over your baby's head, trust me. You especially don't want to have to wrestle with that at 3am.

always, ALWAYS, buy according to the weight guidelines on clothes, not the age. Kieran is in things now that range from 3 months (he was in some 3 month things at about 1 month) to 12 months. I don't think a normal healthy baby should only weigh what he weighs now at 12 months, but what do I know. Just check the labels.

establish routines, babies like that. at the same time though, accept that you're dealing with a baby, and they don't understand about your schedule and things you need to get done. sometimes you'll have a perfect day / night, other times, not so much. work with it.

feel all clothes for softness, check out the fasteners, and smell every bath / body product before you buy. I've got some clothes that are kind of rough fabric, or that have 14 snaps you need to do up to get it on. That's just not practical for speedy diaper changes. I've also got some 'baby' products that I'm not even sure Grant would want to use, they're that strong-smelling. Also, some are only to use on 3 months and up, check the directions.