good news and ... hmmm... news

ok. I'm measuring 42 weeks, the baby is good, there's still extra fluid. His growth of nearly 2lbs in the 2 weeks between my last 2 u/s scans is normal. I tested positive for Group B Strep, and so will be given antibiotics when I go into labour.

Here are my questions and the answers I got:

Am I having a giant baby?
Laughter. He's big, but not enormous, just bigger than average. The scan weights are accurate to a pound either way, so he could have been anywhere from 6lbs2oz to 8lbs2oz. (which means he could now be 8lbs2oz or 10lbz2oz. Sweet jebus.)

Why is he trying to claw his way out of my cervix? That hurts.
That's probably not him, but the pain is likely caused by the separation of the cartilige in your pelvis, and is normal.

How many people can I have in the labour / delivery room?
2, and people can't be coming and going.

Do I labour and deliver in the same room?
Yes, unless we need to take you to the OR.

Can I deliver on my side or sitting up?
Yes, we don't put women flat on their backs, they're at about this (demonstrates about a 45 degree angle) level. The only thing we don't really encourage is standing up or squatting, because that makes it very difficult for the doctor to control the baby's head coming out.

I heard this silly rumour that people with lower back tattoos can't always get epidurals. That's bunk, right?
No, that's true. Do you have one? Let me see where it is. Ok, now where are your hipbones? Ok...hmmm...it's quite possible that they won't be able to give you an epidural, but you'll have to see the anesthesiologist to be sure.

But, I googled it, and didn't find anything! dammit!

Ok. Also, I don't even know that I want an epidural. Do I really need to decide that now? I want to sort of see what happens before I decide.
No, of course not. You shouldn't know yet. It's a great attitude to have that you'll just take things as they come, and if you need one, you can get one.

I also heard you give a shot of something right after the baby is born to deliver the placenta, what's that about?
It's a shot of oxytocin, and it's been shown to speed up the 3rd stage of labour greatly. It also helps to slow the bleeding. (it's the same hormone your body produces naturally when you start to breastfeed)
Will it cause me to have contractions for hours afterward?
No, not at all. Especially being a first time mom, you probably won't have much after-labour pain at all.

What happens with the baby right after he's born?
We put him right up on your belly, unless you've had a c-section, then he'll go right to the warmer. We give you about an hour to bond etc in the delivery room, and then move you to your post-natal recovery room.


That's it. I felt really good leaving the appointment, even though I'd had to wait an hour and 45 minutes to get in. Looks like the epidural debate may have been resolved with no effort from me. I get to go for a tour of the maternity ward on Tuesday at lunch time. Next week when I go in for my appointment, IF I go in, she'll do an internal and sweep / strip my membranes. That's where they separate your membranes from your uterus (just with a finger while they're checking dilation, not with some evil tool), and it generally gets things moving along. Good to know.

last appointment?

here's hoping! I have my 38 week checkup today, and a few questions to ask. I'm going to ask if, given the enormous amount the baby grew in the 2 weeks between my last 2 ultrasounds, I should expect that he's growing 1lb per week, and be suitably horrified. To go with that, will I be monitored any further, and is it possible that this baby will get to big to be delivered au naturel? This is all horrifying, I have to say. I don't want to be induced, because it makes for harder labour. I'm going to ask about the epidural, because apparently there's like, the one guy in the hospital who does them, and you have to give them lots of notice if you want one. Well, I don't know if I do yet, and I don't really feel I can make a decision right now. Maybe I could just say yes I do, and then tell him to go away when he arrives? Who knows. They also apparently give you a shot of something to *increase* your contractions immediately after the baby is born, to help deliver the placenta. Now, my understanding is that this particular part of labour is not in any way difficult for 95% of women. This drug causes you to have contractions for 2-3 hours, which, since you're done with the whole delivery part, sounds really awful. I'm going to find out about that and how to not get it. Doesn't seem right that they can just administer drugs without your fully informed consent anyway, really. I took bioethics, I know about patient rights. They also have a habit of just doing an episiotomy without asking. I'm more than a little apprehensive about delivering here, and all this new news is not helping. This is a strange place we've wandered in to.

time keeps ticking, ticking, ticking (whine to follow)

The carpet has been steam cleaned, the curtains are made and hung. The baby is doing something that's causing me considerable, though only occasional, shooting pain in my cervix (TMI? I don't care) and still no signs of anything else. My parents were up this weekend, as they were heading home Dad was joking that I'll be calling tonight from the hospital. I'm thinking, I hope so! I know I complain, and I think if I were a normal size, it'd be better, but nothing even fits anymore. I have literally 2 things I can wear - a giant pair of Gap maternity panel pants and my overalls. Nothing else is comfortable or will stay up to cover me, and the shirts are all too short. I put on a pair of jeans that I wore a few days ago, and had to change halfway through the day because they were cutting into me when I sat down. The baby has moved down quite a bit, so it makes things just not quite fit right. The underside of my belly is a mess of stretch marks, most of which occurred in the hospital for some reason, and I'm still getting new ones. I'm not too worried about them, they fade, but just that they are indicators of the fact that I'm still growing. I'm at about probably 2 hours of sleep a night all told, and the rest of it just spent lying on one side, trying to find a way to stop my hips from aching. If one more person tells me it's 'preparing me for what's to come!' I'm going to slap them. Seriously. I know I won't be sleeping through the nights with a newborn, but I think I'd be much better prepared to do that if I were able to get some good sleep before he comes! It could be much worse, I have managed to avoid some of the more unpleasant symptoms of pregnancy, and I'm thankful for that. I just reached the 'overwhelmingly large and uncomfortable' stage quicker than I should have, and it's wearing on me.

edit: also, I just found out today, after having checked every other day up to last friday and being told no, that I do in fact have to file reports while on sick leave (thankfully only another 2 weeks, then they start my mat leave) in order to receive money. So I've been waiting.....for nothing. I filed a month's worth today though, so hopefully I'll get something soon!

I think I'm done now.

good news!

just kidding!

Talking to my sister. She gives me the cheerful advice, read in one of my mom's apparently numerous pregnancy books, that I should be wearing a pad and sleeping on a gd plastic sheet for the last few weeks. I said that I had read that only 10-15% of women's waters broke before labour started, so it seemed unnecessary, and who the hell wants to sleep on a plastic sheet? This whole 'end of pregnancy' thing has left me with little dignity, do I really need to revert to the days of possible bed-wetting? I don't have a plastic sheet. I could use one of Jr's changing pads, lol. Do you suppose that would do?

Nobody tells you about this shit before you're pregnant!

On a possibly hopeful note, I felt the baby genuinely trying to escape yesterday, I had to stop walking and made a horrible face, Grant's mom was worried. lol. Also have been having lots of bh contractions, but nothing regular, and my body just likes to mess with my head I think. Had a Dr. appt yesterday and the doc said that he (my girl dr. is away this week) could feel the baby's head quite low and couldn't move it, which is a sign he's moving into position. This also can happen weeks before labour, but I'm hoping that all my crazy symptoms will get together and start to work their magic soon. I have diapers that are only good to 10lbs! And newborn clothes! Not a lot of the latter, but still, I want to use all my stuff!

painted!

super cute giraffe lamp, no?


we're letting the stuffed animals keep the crib safe and warm until el bambino arrives.

Not too bad eh? I think it turned out really well. The colours aren't showing up quite right on here, but they are, just so you know, a pale yellow on the walls, and lavender, periwinkle, blue danube, apple green, pineapple yellow, and empire gold squares, done in toll paints. Anyway, I'm really pleased. The sponges I used were weird, they weren't just bubbly looking on the bottom, they sort of had stripes, so that's how the paint came off on the walls, but I alternated the horizontal and vertical stripes, so it looks like I planned to use that kind of sponge. It feels good to plan something all by yourself and then have it work out, let me tell you. Now all I have to do is make the curtains. I bought fabric yesterday, but only enough for one window. There are 2, so that's a bit of a problem. If the roads clear up a bit I'll head out tonight just so I have it and can get it washed and dried. If not, I have to go out tomorrow morning anyway for my 37 week checkup, so I'll swing by WM then.

I've changed my guess in the expectnet pool to March 21st, because I think the first day of spring would be a lovely day to be born. I've already lost my own pool twice, so what's the difference. I'll be locking it, if I remember, at the end of today, just to let you slackers get your guesses in if you want to. I mentioned in the comments for the last post (which actually ended up being almost a post in itself) that we've chosen a name, which is pretty great. It was one that we had thought of in the very beginning, but Grant didn't like it for some reason. His reason turned out to be bunk, so we're going with it, and I'm happy. I'm not telling you all what it is, you can wait, and hopefully it won't be too much longer!

well look at that

after all that fuss of needing to be on bedrest, looks like jr. wasn't ready to meet the world early after all. Tomorrow, I'll be 37 weeks. That's 'officially' full term, for those of you new to the baby-making game. Apparently the rule is if the baby makes it to 37 weeks and is over 5lbs (check and check), then you've made it. I had a feeling that would happen. I also had a feeling that just for fun, I'd go over my due date. I'm sincerely hoping that doesn't happen. That'd be up to 5 more weeks, and I don't think you all want to hear me bitch and moan for that long, do you? Once I have the baby, I'll have all new aches and things to complain about. Wooh! Hey, at least it'll be different material.

Today I have a few things to do, but nothing terribly exciting. I'm going to try to do the border around the baby's room, and see if we can find a more interesting shade for the ceiling light. They didn't have them at Canadian Tire or WalMart, so I'm going to try to find an actual lighting store here, and see if they can help. I know we had fun shades in our rooms when we were little. Oh, also going to look for fabric for curtains. We found some cute stuff yesterday at WM, it's black background and has really cute (but not cutesy) little animals printed all over it. We left that to go to Fabricville, and they had really nothing at all that I'd want to put in my baby boy's room. Lots of cute pink things for girls, but that's not really good. Random people are still asking me "When are you due??". That's great, I love it.

my baby has hair. and naughty bits.

Which were really cool, and pretty funny respectively, to see on the monitor at my ultarsound. Things are very different here from Moncton, I have to say. It's all very 'take a number, go sit down and wait' here. Also, they say that someone can come with you into the ultrasound room, but they fail to mention that they can't come in during the actual ultrasound when they're doing the measuring and so on. I didn't even get to see the monitor while she was doing all her scanning and measuring. They do all that, then go get the father (or whoever) and then you both get a sort of show where the tech just scans the baby and points out fun things like an open mouth or an ear, or in our case hair. Also the naughty bits, she's like, 'we can't actually come out and tell you what it is, but if you can't see that, you're blind.' So it all ended up fine, and I was able to drop off my pre-registration form. I didn't get a tour, but I'm not really worried about it, it doesn't really matter since I have limited (no) other options as to where to deliver this baby. Anyway, the most fun news of all today was that the baby already weighs 7lbs 2oz. I'm assuming there's some margin of error for the measurement, but I asked about it and the tech was like, 'oh, no, it's very accurate.' Super. They gain about 1/2lb a week now, so I'm saying seriously, any day now is great.

That's about it, my bags are packed, the baby's room is being painted as I type, everything is washed and ready to go. The tech said her best guess is 2-3 weeks, but very unlikely 4. I was like, and maybe one? She laughed and said that you never know, it's really impossible to know for sure, but more likely sooner than later, given the size of the baby and the extra fluid still floating around in there. She also said that she's never seen a baby so active at this stage, usually they're all curled up and you just get the occasional hand or foot movement. This guy's not doing any head-over-feet flips (he's still head down, and likely to stay that way, which is good), but he's still rolling side to side and moving his arms and legs all over the place. He's making full use of his expanded living area. So, that's all my news for now. Keep sending your 'go into labour' vibes my way, please. hehe.

one more appointment, down

hopefully one of the last ones! I do like my new doctor, and even her receptionist seems nice, so she must have just been having one bitch of a day when I called that first time. Dr Mills wrote me a note so I can finally activate my damn EI sick leave claim, which is good. The woman at the HRDC office actually recognised my name when I went in to drop off my paperwork today, which is kind of funny. They had just gotten my file from Moncton, because they thought I was continuing my claim from last summer. No, that expires in June, thanks. So she's got it all straightened out for me, they have all the paperwork they need, and hopefully I can start getting my maternity pittance soon.

The appointment was uneventful, as usual. A little quicker than last time, but still an hour by the time I got in and out. My giant belly is measuring 39.5 (weeks, I assume), which is "generous", by Dr. Mills's description. She's too polite to say effin 'uge. She said everything looks and sounds good though, and the baby still seems to be head down, which is very good, and we'll find out for sure tomorrow at my ultrasound. I've gained a total of 21lbs, which doesn't seem like very much, but she said it's normal. I've actually gone down a pound from last week, which is normal at this stage. Should make it easier to get back to pre-preggo me though. Not that pre-preggo me was any great shakes, but it was decent.

I'm like a cat

I guess. Except that I want to kill my cats almost every night. See, I can't sleep in bed. I can, but only for a few hours in the morning, not at night. I can nap a bit on the couch, but it's just getting uncomfortable to be me, in any position. Standing up isn't too bad, but it's not really all that restful. So I've basically become nocturnal, and..dayurnal, because I'm not really sleeping any time. It's super fun. Being awake at night is really annoying when you have cats. I hear every trip to the litter box, every jump on and off the bed, every (generally short-lived) chase up and down the hallway. I'm sure they've been doing all this every night since we got them, but I haven't been awake to hear it all.

I think the baby might have dropped a bit, when I'm standing up I seem to actually have room between my boobs and my stomach, which is nice for breathing. When I sit down it doesn't seem to matter, there's no room for the baby to go anywhere but...everywhere, like my lungs and bladder. Frigging giant baby. I haven't heard from the hospital about when my ultrasound is going to be (this week, supposedly), and I haven't gotten word that my doctor in Moncton has written me a note saying that yes, I've been on sick leave. It's really hard to open an EI sick leave claim without that letter, let me tell you. I'm going to ask my new dr tomorrow if she can write me a note, and if not, I'll just go down to the HRDC office and give them the rest of my paperwork, and see if they'll just start me on my mat leave now. It's less than a month til I'm due, and I can't go more than the 2 weeks I've gone now without getting some money. Mat leave pay is sad enough, I need to at least get it.

edit: my new, fantastic Moncton doctor is now on vacation. That's going to make it *really* hard to get a letter from him saying I'm on sick leave. Jackass. I will try my doctor here, and if not, go with plan B.

I think the rest of today will be spent trying to organise this mess we're trying to call an office. It's tricky, because it only has these weird little shelves, and a giant, built-in desk attached to the wall with one drawer. Not a lot of place to store things. Ideally, I'd like to put my artsy / crafty stuff in here, I should be able to fit it on one corner of the desk, just so it's out of the way and somewhat organised. Currently everything is either piled on the desk, including the cpu for the computer, because there is no hole through the desk to thread cables...or still in boxes on the floor and futon. Good times. It's not a tonne of stuff, but it's a small room, which makes it seem a bit overwhelming. I'll let you know how it works out, and if putting stuff away induces labour. Here's hoping!

last chance

I'm going to be locking the expectnet game soon-ish, so if you want to log a new guess or change yours, do it now. DO IT. Again, no real prizes, but it's fun anyway. No, wait. You win...a month of weekend babysitting priveleges! wooooh!

Despite my best hopes, last night's full moon did nothing to induce this little guy to come out. I think I'll go for a jog on Wednesday. Maybe not a jog, but I'm definitely going out and about to pick up all the last minute things that we need, including (but not limited to) thank-you cards for baby gifts. It's the waiting that's killing me. There's not much else I can do to prepare, and not much I can do period, so I just sit around and wait. You know how the saying goes though...a watched uterus never...boils? Or something. Never does what you want it to do. Has real contractions, I guess.

ah yes, also, don't assume that if I don't post for a day it's because I'm having the baby, or that if you call and I don't answer, the same. It's far more likely in the first case that I just have nothing to say, as evidenced by these lame posts of late. In the second case it's likely that I'm ignoring the phone, or can't find it, or am in the shower, or peeing. Or maybe I'm ignoring the phone because I'm peeing in the shower. Either way, I promise I'll let everyone know when this whole baby thing gets going, so don't get your panties all in a knot about it! I say this because somebody called me the other day, and it took me 2 (!) rings to answer. She was like, "I was all worried! I'm thinking...where is she??" I was like, looking for the phone? Don't stress, people.

simple things

how does one go about making up the crib? I've googled til I can't google no more, and all I can find is what I already know, and contradicting information about things like bumper pads. Do I put the absorbent sheet under the fitted sheet? How does that save me having to change the whole shebang if the baby leaks? Do I use the top sheet of the sheet set? Do I use the quilt? It's not fluffy or anything, but I'm all paranoid. I have lots of fleece blankets, but I think they fit in the 'fluffy blanket' category, so I won't use those. I know no pillows, fluffy blankets, or toys, or anything for a while. Some places say go for bumper pads as long as they're secured along the sides of the crib, but not once the baby can pull himself up, others say not while the baby is tiny, but ok later. I feel like a tool, but the really basic stuff isn't covered anywhere, just the stuff that should be common sense like, 'your baby can't control any of its muscles, so don't give it things it can roll into and suffocate itself with', and 'don't leave cords for the baby to strangle on dangling about'. Thanks.

woohoo!

6 more days of bedrest baby. Everything is fine, as expected, or so says my new doctor. Longest quick appointment ever though, holy canolli. The actual appointment was, of course, 5 minutes. Pee in cup, weighed, measured, listen to baby's heartbeat. Schedule next appt. I did have the added bonus this week of swabbing myself to check for type B Strep, and I'll not give you any further details there. The brochure was very reassuring about it *not* being an STD though, so that's ... good I guess. I was at the office for 1.5 hours though, waiting and waiting. They're also sending me for another ultrasound next week, just for fun I guess. I have my pre-registration forms for the hospital, and from what I've read so far about the Chalmers Hospital, it's just not as cool as the Moncton one, but I'll only be there for 2 days, so I'll manage, I'm sure. I have to call and see if they're doing a tour any time soon so I can at least know what to expect when I get there. You have to bring your own diapers and baby-washing stuff here, which is too bad; it's all supplied in Moncton. Ah well, we have lots for now!

So yes, as of next Wednesday I'll be 36 weeks, and as I had hoped most of my bedrest restrictions will be removed. I'll still be 36 weeks pregnant, which is somewhat limiting in itself. That is, as I was told, if I make it to next week. Reassuring, no? I love having no idea what's going on, it keeps my life interesting. My big plan is to have a night out with Grant on Wednesday, since we haven't done that for quite some time, and likely won't again for a while. Something really exciting like dinner and a movie. Wooh!

done and done

well, not done *that*, clearly, or I wouldn't be posting just yet, but done one thing that makes me feel better. I got the baby's room all organised and put away, except for a couple of boxes of my clothes that we'll have to deal with at some point. Grant's dad is coming up to paint on either Thursday or Friday, which will be fantastic, and when my mom comes back up she's going to bring her toll paints and I'm going to make a chair-rail height border of blocks of different colours picked out of the quilt. I'll take pictures when it's done, but it looks pretty good already, just being all neat. Diapers in the closet, lotions and potions in a basket organiser, clothes and blankets washed and put away. The crib is currently filled with stuffed animals, which is sort of funny because there can't be any in there once the baby does arrive, but it just looked so empty before. We need to get a mattress protector apparently, although I've heard that a couple of blankets under the fitted sheet will do nicely. We also have a couple of washable changing pads that would work perfectly, we'd just have to get a couple more. Understandably, everything is slow going, since I'm not really supposed to be doing anything, I have to everything in very small doses at a very slow pace. I'm actually feeling though, other than the name thing (the fact that we don't have one for this poor little guy), that we're pretty ready for things to happen. It's strange, because I am very much aware that neither of us can really be anywhere near ready for the enormous changes that are going to happen, but I feel like I've done all I can, and we're basically as ready as we're going to be. The whole, labour thing is still freaking me out a bit, and I did end up missing my 'comfort measures' class, but Amy (my pregnant friend) told me it was basically a waste of time, and that the only useful info she really got was how many people you're allowed to have in the delivery room with you. 2 in Moncton, if anyone was wondering.

I think I'll give the Fredericton hospital a call and see if they have any classes coming up later, but then I suppose there's no real point until I know if / when I'm going to be no longer on bedrest. I would like to know about the people in the delivery room thing though, I would assume 2 here as well..and about there pain relief options. The main ones in Moncton are demerol, the gas (I have no idea what it's called, similar to laughing gas but with pain relief as well) and the epidural. I've never had demerol, but a lot of people have a bad (barfing) reaction to it, and they said that people who have reactions to other pain medications often react negatively to the gas as well. Which leaves...the epidural. I'm not really pleased with those options, I have to say. Good thing Mom is taking those classes on how to get through labour, at least one of us will know what the hell is going on. I'm just not crazy about a needle in my spine which paralyzes me from my waist down. Silly, perhaps. It has nothing to do with wanting to be tough or a 'real woman' or any such foolishness, I just would rather try other things. I say this now, I may be in there for like an hour and and be like, "GIVE ME THE DRUGS YOU MOTHER F*&#@!^$!", and I'm ok with that. My official 'birth plan', thus, is to take it as it comes, and make sure somebody tells me when I'm nearing the point of no return as far as the big gun drugs go. Sketchy plan, perhaps, but it sounds good to me.

The bed / couch rest hasn't killed me yet, I now have tv and internet, and kitties to keep me company. I've started reading the DaVinci Code, and it's pretty interesting, so I'm looking forward to finishing it. My mom loaned me the deluxe illustrated edition, it's pretty swanky. I have lots of books and movies, but mostly I just laze around and watch tv. Grant is renting us a movie for tonight, but it's a surprise; I'm not allowed to look up what came out. So exciting! I was telling Erin, the first things I'm going to do when I get off this resting thing are to go to Tingley's for ice cream, and Superstore for a bit of a wander. We need a shower caddy, and they have really nice stainless steel ones for like $10 there, and also a soap pump. Mine had an accident on a particularly hormonal day in Moncton. It was ceramic, and never really pumped all that well, and did not survive its crash landing into the sink after my refilling it and it refusing to pump soap out after about 3 minutes of my trying. What can you do? Buy a plastic one next time!

Ok, this is really long. 35 weeks tomorrow! wooh! Would it be really wrong of me to just decide that 36 weeks is enough, and take myself off bedrest next Wednesday? I have a really strong feeling that nothing is going to happen anyway, just becuase that's the way things work out.

random updates: I haven't heard from my new doctor yet, so we'll see how that goes.
My tattoos are fine, basically. The one on my back has no idea that anything's even going on, nor would you if you caught a quick glimpse of me walking away from you. Except for the slight duck-walk. The one on my hip has moved over, and, I'll be honest with you, I can't really see it all that well, but seems to be faring pretty well. I hate it anyway, it was poorly done even after I made them re-do it. Then it seemed silly to keep going back to the same place (they guarantee their work, and thus would have kept 'fixing' it) when they clearly do shitty work. Someday I'll have it removed or gone over or something.

what, are you pregnant or something?

ah yes, words of true wisdom, spoken by the secretary of my supposed new doctor.

I call, as instructed by my doctor in Moncton, to set up an appointment for next week with my new doctor here in Fredericton. Sounds easy enough. I call, and am on hold for about 10 minutes. Not a good start. I finally get a person, and I tell her who I am, that I've been referred and am meant to set up an appointment. She asks my name, of course, which I give her. She asks me who I was referred by, which I also tell her (both of my doctors, just to be extra clear). She says to me, 'who were you referred to?' I say, 'Dr. Mills'. She says, 'well you know Dr. Mills has a waiting list.' I say, 'no, actually, I was not aware of that. I did not choose a doctor here, I was simply referred upon being released from hospital bedrest for 2.5 weeks to home bedrest.' She says, 'what, are you pregnant or something?' I manage not to laugh right out loud, because I'm actually pretty annoyed at this point. I tell her yes, of course (why the fuck else would I be on bedrest and then referred to an ob/gyn??), I'm 34 weeks along, and really do need to have a doctor. She says they'll call me when they get my file. Very handy.

So, I'm torn between tears and rage, can't get a hold of my original doctor, am now going to try to get a hold of the guy who took over my care when my original doctor went on leave. Not happy though. I don't know if I'm on bedrest for eternity, until 40 weeks, until 36 weeks, until the baby decides to come on out. I don't know if I start having masses of contractions again, if I should worry or just let nature take its course, as the nurse told me to do when I called L&D and she didn't know how far along I was. I think not worry though, because when I told my Dr that I was having masses of them the other day, he said that yes, I'd probably notice that more as I got closer to the end.

All in all, folks, this has been a really frustrating experience. I really don't feel that the bedrest is doing me any good. It's not like I'm actually resting; I'm just lying/sitting around all day feeling useless and bored. The doctors even say that there's no real proof that it helps, but it makes them feel like they're doing something. Fantastic. Glad we can keep the doctors happy. Bedrest makes me kind of depressed and overly emotional, and my muscles, such as they are, are atrophying as I sit here.

update...even though I haven't posted this yet. I got a hold of my doctor in moncton, or her office, and told the secretary there what had happened. She's like, why don't we just call them and tell them you don't *want* to deal with mean people, and we'll refer you to somebody else. I said, ok! So she's doing that now, calling another doctor (a man, because I really don't care), and seeing if she can get me an appointment. Wonderful. I love friendly and helpful people even more than I hate stupid and mean people.

free! but not really

so, I'm in Fredericton, and we've got internet and cable, which is a good thing. We also have a really nice apartment, which is not a surprise, but a relief none the less, since this is my first time seeing it. Mom drove me up from Moncton, and stayed the night and today until about half an hour ago to get me all settled and putter at putting things away. It should be kind of fun to see all the stuff that needs doing, and know I'm not responsible to do any of it, but it's really not.

I'll be sending out a mass email with my new contact info shortly, because everyone loves mass emails.

I have a little bit more to say, but it really deserves its own post.

bustin' out!

I hope. I had my scan today with the antenatal specialist lady, and she said everything looks good, so that's good news. I wasn't really worried, but it's nice to have the assurance. The baby is still measuring a bit big, and weighs approximately 5lbs 4oz, but those estimates are not really all that accurate, apparently. So, we'll wait for tomorrow's 'assessment' and see what's up. I'm pretty confident that I'll be able to go home though; everything is good with the baby and nothing new / complicated has happened with me. We shall see!

I'll have to find out what I'm supposed to do when I get to Fredericton. Apparently I've been referred to a doctor up there, but I don't know who it is or if I'll actually have any appointments before the baby comes, since I don't know if I'll be on full bedrest still. I also have to find a doctor for the baby, which I don't really know how to do. I had asked my ob/gyn here about it, but she's off work now so that never got followed up.

alright, enough computer time. This is why I haven't read any of the books people brought me either...I can't sit up long, and I can't lie on my back, and it's hard to read books lying on your side.

dying

I ranted on the other blog, but I'll rant here too. Why not?

I have a cold. It's a bad cold, it has every cold symptom possible and a fever that just makes me feel like crap, all achey and whatnot. All I can take, due to the whole pregnant thing, is halls and cough syrup. Brutal. They don't work. I'm going to request some Tylenol in a bit and see if that'll help any. Every time I sneeze or cough for more than a couple of seconds I have a contraction. And every time I roll over. So, clearly, things are not getting any better, despite my not going further than the bathroom, 3 feet from my bed. I'm still very excited for my 'reassessment' on Wednesday. HA. I thought pap tests were unpleasant, I'd dare say having your cervix checked is worse. Just so you know.

I go for another profile either today or tomorrow with some specialist peri-natal doctor lady. They're going to check to make sure the baby is breathing and swallowing and stuff, which is good. I have no idea how they can see that, but good luck to them. Also, although the level of fluid did go up from last time I got checked, my doctor said that it's not that precise a means of measuring that they can get all in a huff over a small change, which apparently mine was, so I'm still fine. Good good.

Anyway, that's about it I guess. I'm enjoying my lunch of tuna salad sandwich and potato salad, and very much looking forward to my ice cream dessert. Mmmm. Also, we get red napkins today. Pretty exciting!

testing, testing

so I had my 2nd profile scan today. Turns out I have more fluid than last week! That's fantastic. Not really. Where before the level wasn't enough to worry about, it may be now, especially if it's going to keep going up. My doctor hasn't been in to talk to me yet, he'll be around in the morning. Possibilities remain either nothing, if the level still acceptable, removal of some of the fluid via an amniocentisis needle and IV, or rupturing of the membranes whenever I get far enough along that they feel I can have the baby. Woohoo! I'm not crazy about options B and C, I'll be honest, so hopefully it won't come to that.

My family doctor was in to visit today, she does rounds on Fridays. She told me that her sister was on bedrest from 23 to 34 weeks, when she was pregnant with twins. At 34 weeks they sent her home on bedrest, and at 36 weeks they told her to do whatever the hell she wanted (daily activities, sex etc.). I said wow, sex at 36 weeks pregnant with twins, that's a GREAT suggestion. lol.

The other night I had a dream that my water broke but I didn't go into labour. This afternoon I had a dream that my cats had somehow escaped from Grant's parents' house and come to find us in Fredericton. They're very clever, especially since they've never been to our place in Fredericton. Anyway, the moral of the story is that I thought perhaps that first one was a premonition type dream, but clearly I'm just having strange dreams due to being cooped up in here too long.

I officially gave notice to school that I'm not coming back. I told the vp that in the first place, but she wanted to wait and make sure. Some more of my coworkers stopped in today at lunch and filled me in on all the me-related gossip. There wasn't much, but it was kind of funny. Apparently the word was that I was totally intent on coming back for the 2 weeks between getting out of here and going on mat. leave. Clearly that one was started by someone who doesn't know me very well, since anyone who does would understand that I just wouldn't want to do that. The other rumour was that I wasn't able to get incoming calls because it was too hard on my high blood pressure. I guess somebody must have called during the half hour that my phone wasn't working a few days back, and it was saying that my phone wasn't set up to accept incoming calls. How that got turned into me needing a reprieve from harassing phone calls on account of my high bp...I'm not sure. As one woman said, who are these people calling you and getting your pressure up?! I said that no, I'm fully NOT intending on going anywhere but home or to labour&delivery when I get out of here, and that I have never in my life had high bp. It's generally low, and has been quite low a few times since I've been pregnant. So I got that all straightened out and told the secretary that people can call me anytime.

Now, I must whine. Why not make this the longest post ever? I had really hoped to have the time before the baby came to get things ready. We were going to get all moved up to Fredericton, and I was going to have time to putter around, get things organised, paint the baby's room and get all that stuff settled. Most of that is being taken care of by Grant and his parents and friends, which is fantastic. His parents actually went and spent a day in Fredericton to get things organised and put away, put together the crib and dresser, that kind of thing. While that's absolutely great, I really wanted to have some part in it too. I'm a pretty creative cat and had fully planned to do up the baby's room, but I've never even seen our new apartment, let alone the nursery. I can't very well be out looking at paint chips and fabrics for curtains from here. I feel like I'll be moving into somebody else's apartment, and I don't even know that I'll get to do that on my own, before the baby arrives. It's just little things, but when you have nothing else to do but sit around and think about stuff, the little things really start to get to you. I don't want to be trying to find cups and which drawer the sleepers are in while trying to figure out how exactly to go about this whole, raising a baby thing. Mostly I'm feeling sorry for myself, and then I start to feel bad because this is the best thing for the baby, and I'm a total bitch for wishing I could just be done with the whole bedrest thing.

That'll do for now.

oh, yeah

also, my sister is going away on Sunday for 2 weeks, and Grant's mom is going away in a week, for a week. They've both told me that I'm not allowed to have the baby while they're away. Thanks, ladies, I don't have enough to worry about. I'm going to have the baby during the week you're both away, just because.

oh, right, as IF I have any say in this! the way I figure, the baby is either coming really soon, or, just to be a jerk, is going to hold out until March 30th, as originally planned. I will, of course, keep you posted.

frustrating

alright. Day 11 of a theoretical 17. I know almost nothing more than I did when I got in here. I ask questions, but they can't tell me anything until after my scans tomorrow and Wednesday, and until they 'reassess' me (and my parts) sometime next week. From what I've gathered from the doctors, nurses, and internet, babies born at 34 weeks are a-ok; doctors won't try to stop labour that starts after 34 weeks, whereas they would any time before that. I've also gathered that since I do have this excess of amniotic fluid, if my water were to break on its own, and I were like, at home, there's a danger of the baby's umbilical cord or something else being pulled down first, instead of the head.

edit: apparently, as of Friday, I had not tooo alarming an amount, just more than normal, so they're not worried about the whole cord prolapse thing. good news.

That said, I'm none too confident that I'll be sent anywhere other than the Fredericton hospital on my supposed release day of next Wednesday. Apparently what's sometimes done is that they will go ahead and break your water so that it's controlled and nothing bad happens. I don't know *when* they would do that though, or if my situation warrants that. Hopefully after tomorrow I'll be able to find out a bit more at least about that. They're also going to scan the baby next week to make sure he's swallowing ok; apparently that's a rare but possible cause of too much fluid, and if there is a problem (again, not likely) it's fixable. I do know that he's making good 'breathing movements', because he gets the hiccups all the time, and I actually got to see him hiccupping on last week's scan. Pretty cool.

The heartbeat is good, and he makes way more than the minimum amount of movements. FYI, it's 10 in 4 hours at this stage, and I get 10 in about 10 minutes a lot of the time. Except at (the baby's) naptime, when I can wake him up either by poking or drinking something cold and / or sweet. I asked about how that works exactly, and it's because the baby's bum or feet are always up against the mother's stomach, so the cold hits them. Kind of neat.

Anyway, I'm off to watch the rest of CSI. Good times. I can watch tv AND surf the net in bed. You're all jealous.

due date guesses?

anybody care to change their guesses? The actual due date (according to the doctors here) is March 30th. I have serious doubts that I'll make it that far, but you just never know. Head on over to expectnet (game name is 'guesseverything') and add or change your guesses as you see fit.

I finally have internet, and frigging messenger keeps conking out on me! It's just not fair. Also, the touchpad mouse is evil, I've decided. It keeps doing random things like changing pages and moving the cursor around.

I have an irritable uterus

holy effwprd. I just had this whole freaking thing typed, up, and my browser decided to go back a page. Why? I have no idea. It saved the title, very helpful, but not the post.

anger. anger is not good for my irritable uterus, I'm sure.

ok, so I'll try this again. Monday night I started having a lot of b-h contractions. Like, every 2-3 minutes. So I called labour and delivery, and they advised me to relax, have a nice warm bath or shower, and see if that helps. Ok, so I had like an hour long shower, wonderful (as we discovered, the bath thing is not relaxing), had some supper (Deluxe white cheddar mac and cheese), and filled in my mark sheets for school. start counting contractions again (clearly these are not the real deal, as I'm able to basically ignore them) and see that I'm still going at about every 4 minutes. I call l&d again, and the nurse tells me to stay home as long as possible, and to come in when I find I'm too uncomfortable and / or in pain. Ok...I say to her, so wait, I'm in labour?? She sort of laughed, and said yes, sounds like it. I am very near tears. I tell her I can't be in labour, I'm not even 32 weeks pregnant. She's like, oh! come in please!

So I did. They admitted me, put me in a bed, hooked me up to a monitor, checked my cervix (I was 2cm and 30% effaced), so here I stay. It's been a full week now, and I haven't gone crazy. Yet. They sent me for a profile on Friday to see if they could see anything, and the baby is measuring about 2 weeks bigger than my dates say, and I have too much amniotic fluid. This makes me be so ginormous, and makes my body think that I must be just about done being pregnant. So now I have to just stay in bed to keep things calm, because every time I get out of bed, I have a contraction. I have bathroom and shower priveleges, thank god. I range now anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour or so. still too much. But, I'll keep you posted. I probably won't hear anything until Friday, when they're going to do another profile to check the fluid levels again and see if there's anything else to see. Leave me some comments! it's SUPER BORING here.

scanner guns are super fun

I made a registry! It's #355611819, in case that link stops working later. I'll put it over on the sidebar too. It was pretty fun, I just wandered around and scanned about everything I could think that the little one would need. I do apologize for the crib bedding set, it's mighty pricey, but it's the only one I've seen that I really like - it's not too busy or too obviously gender-neutral or too cheesey cartoonish. We also need some crib sheets, but I don't really care what those look like, so I didn't bother to scan any specific ones. Same for the washcloths and receiving blankets, they don't have to be any specific kind. I'm also not expecting to get most of the stuff, but I thought I'd make it easy for anyone who feels the need to buy the baby something.

I really don't have any other news. I'm going to go through all the stuff from the shower and make a list of everything so I can do up thank you cards. I've never done them before, so that should be fun. I'm pretty sure Grant should have to help. Is it ok to wait and send them out after the baby comes, so I can say how much s/he is enjoying the gift? Probably not ok.

good times a-comin'!

What will you be doing in your spare time? Looks like I'm going to be pretty busy!

*shudder*

Had the baby shower last night, got an absolutely embarrassing pile of stuff. First off, enough diapers to last a while, really and truly. Also, we have over a full big blue Rubbermaid bin full of baby clothes, hand me downs. So, on top of that, we got a vibrating bouncy chair, a giant plush Eeyore, an Ocean Wonders aquarium thing for the crib, and a Leap Frog phonics bus that plays songs and stuff about letter sounds. Along with 2 blue garbage bags full of sleepers, undershirts, blankets, a fleece outfit for the spring and a bigger fleece snowsuit type thing for the fall, bottles, nail clippers, spoons and bowls, car window shades, a mirror so you can see the baby even though it's facing away from you in the car, a gift card, and enough baby bathing products to make any germ-o-phobe proud. I'm sure I'm forgetting things, but it was really sort of overwhelming.

Anyway, I'm planing to go to Toys R Us and see what else I can find. I know there are a few things that I'd like so I'll go a little scanner gun happy, since we have basically everything we *need* now, we can get the extra stuff I guess. I don't want to get too much more in the way of clothes, because I'd like to be able to dress the baby like a boy or girl at some point, rather than the albeit adorable, but very gender neutral things that we have so far. I felt sort of gluttonous with all the presents, but then I felt ok, because it's not even for me, it's for this little one who is, really, not so little, and will be making the grand entrance in about 9 weeks. Everyone I meet says I'm not going to make it that long. I say, thanks! I know that it's different being pregnant than just fat, but you can only be told you're enormous so many times, before you start to get a little self conscious. I know I'm big! And yes, I have 2 WHOLE months left! lol. Get over it!

some advice

just so you know, a bath is not nearly as relaxing as baths are meant to be, when your tub is roughly big enough to comfortably seat a toddler, and not nearly big enough to allow enough water to cover all the bits that need warming and relaxing in the first place.

my back still hurts.

sigh.

ch-ch-changes

The baby is slowing down a bit, I guess it's getting a bit cramped in its current living conditions. Still plenty of movements, especially when I sit and count, but not as much as a few weeks ago. 31 weeks tomorrow! I have this feeling that I'm going to go early. I don't know how early, or why I think that, but I just do. I'm worried that it'll be really soon, or that something will happen (ie, the giant baby is so big that I'll have to go on bedrest to keep it from coming really early) and that because I don't plan ahead, and they haven't hired a replacement for me at school yet, that my classes will be totally screwed. Whenever I mention this worry to anyone, they invariably reply 'that's not really your problem!'. True, but I still worry. Also, this is still pretty early, it's got a good 6 more weeks to go before it's considered term. I'm into my 8th month though, which is kind of fun. I'm also realizing that 9 months is not actually how long you're pregnant for, since they start counting from your last period. I was 7 months...2 days ago, if we're using that math, and that doesn't compute with my due date. Slightly over 9 months, I guess.

Anyway, my back is ridiculously sore from being hunched over my desk, marking all day. Since I don't have a personal masseuse / live-in significant other at this point, I think I'll take a bath. I'm doing a lot of work at school this week so that I can come home and relax in the evenings. I have a bit of cleaning up to do here, it's part of the fun packing process, but nothing to strenuous. I have to tally the marks on my grade 9 exams, but I'm not marking anything else until tomorrow. And, I have to decide what to eat, because last night I had a DQ burger, so I feel like I should have something real tonight.

I have some very small stretch marks, and I have to say I'm a little annoyed. I grew really quickly up to this point, and was doing fine! I'm happy I don't have enormous ones, but I know that not *everyone* gets them (like my mom, she didn't...no fair), so I was hoping I'd be one of the lucky ones. They are small, and on the underside of my giant belly, so I don't even see them unless I look in the mirror. I also have some, for some reason, where my bellybutton ring was. I took it out as soon as I started to show, because it was looking really odd. Just recently, I've noticed that there are stretch marks there, between the 2 holes. Odd. Confined for now, so I'm relatively happy.

The bath beckons, I'll talk to you fools later.

why aren't you commenting!

I need rassurance!

Anyway. I put up a newer / more fun picture of myself on the sidebar there. It's even a link to the normal-sized picture, if you'd care to take a look. I'm going to need somebody to actually *take* pictures of me though, so I can get nice ones with a normal facial expression and stuff. I'm usually still trying to get myself into position when the picture takes, and thus look totally stunned. Hence the headless shots. Also good for anonymity.

Anyway, according to the babycounter thingie, tomorrow I will have exactly 10 weeks until the big day. I have a feeling (and it may be wishful thinking, true) that I may not make it all the way to the end. That I'll come close, but maybe go a week ahead of schedule. My dr. keeps telling me that it's just a big baby, and that it doesn't affect my dates or anything, but the look of surprise / confusion on her face every time she measures me leads me to believe that I could possibly be a little further along than I have figured out. Regardless, 10 weeks is kind of scary. The first line in my 'your baby this week' email this week was about how my baby's head is getting bigger. That's just a mean thing to start off with, don't you think?

At least I'm not this poor woman. Yet. She had a c-section, of course, but still.

I stopped in to Thyme to see if I could spend a gift certificate I had gotten before Christmas. I managed to get myself a pair of overalls. They are cute, but do definitely emphasize my giant-ness. I don't care though, because they're comfy. Another thing, to be categorized with the poncho, that I will probably only wear whlie pregnant.

I told you, giant baby

everything is going well, the glucose tolerance test was fine, so I can continue to eat whatever I want (in the words of my doctor). I've gained a total of 12.5lbs, which is good / normal, and I'll probably gain that much again before this trip is over. When she measured me, she was like, wait a minute, went and looked at my estimated due date, looked at me, looked at the date again, came back and measured me again before writing it down. Apparently, I'm still running noticeably bigger than my date indicates. She still refuses to change said date though, she said that it's just a big baby. Fun for me!

After my next appointment on Feb 15 (5 weeks from now rather than 4, the Dr. lady is away the 4th week) I'll start going every 2 weeks, but that will only be one more appointment here, then I'll be moving up to Fredericton. The original plan had been to stick it out here until the baby decided to make his/her appearance, but it seems silly to do that now that Grant and I have a nice place up in Fredericton that I can fuss over and get ready. So it's looking like I'll stick around here until after March break and then head up.

I start my pre-natal classes next month; I'm taking 4 I think, but I can't remember the 4th one. One is a full day on labour, pain management etc (or "comfort measures", as they say on the sheet), then one on breastfeeding and one on newborn care. Should be good! My mom is taking classes in Halifax so she can help out in a sort of doula-esque way.

I think that's it. I took the morning off, I think I'll start taking the day for the next...2 appointments I'll have during school. It's easier to find a supply teacher for a full day than just for the morning, and really, it's not like I can save my sick days anyway, so I might as well use them.

picture time!

now, I have to put up 4 pictures in order for you to fully appreciate the growth that has happened in the last month. The befores are from December 6, the afters are January 10 (today).

enjoy.





I'll admit, that front-on shot scared even me. Yipes. What's the counter at, 75 days to go? I'm interested to see what's going to happen. I'm very short waisted, and I'm blaming that for the fact that I'm only comfortable either standing up straight, or lying in bed on my side stretched out. When I'm sitting down for a long time, I get to feeling squished, like there's just not enough vertical room in there for what's going on. Again, should be intereting!

w t f

I'm sorry, diaperless babies??? Intuition my ass, that baby would be messing all over everything. Seems less cruel to be changing poopy diapers that the poor dear might have sat in for a minute or two, than to confine the little one to plastic coated areas of the house.

strange contrasts

ok. So, about the belly picture...my camera is in Fredericton, but I'll have it this weekend. It'll just be that much more fun for you to see the difference from that one over yonder.

Anyhoo. A friend of mine at work gave me some baby clothes, sleepers and onsies and stuff, all in very gender neutral colours like white, yellow, etc. So, at the same time that I'm thinking, 'wow, my tummy is getting big, I wonder how big and alieny this baby is going to get in the next 2-3 months!'...I'm looking at these teeny-tiny clothes and thinking, 'holy crap, I can't believe I'm going to be responsible for someone so very, very tiny!'

It's all relative I guess. Compared to regular-sized people, babies are really quite small. Compared to, say, molecules of pee (or anything else I can more easily imagine coming out of that specific area of my body), babies are really quite enormous. I have to say, the whole delivery thing is scaring me a bit. I know that women have been doing it for approximately a billion years, mostly without medication of any kind. I, however, have never done it before, and it's scary. All my 'your pregnancy this week' emails are more about how to tell if I'm going into labour and what to expect (like an email can prepare you for that), than about the baby. The baby is basically done, just small scale. All the finishing touches and filling out and whatnot, the getting strong is happening now. This week his/her eyes opened, and s/he even has eyelashes! Pretty amazing. Random fact for the week: in one of my books, I read that sometimes premature babies don't have nipples, because they're one of the last things to develop. That's kind of funny. I wonder if boys will ever eventually evolve to not have them at all? Why do they have them now? This is getting a big tangent-y; I think that means it's bedtime.

I'm going to have a baby this year

that's pretty scary. Less than 3 months to go. The baby continues to do kung fu acrobatics against my abdomen, bladder, and ribcage, and sometimes it's downright startling to just be sitting there and then feel like there's, well, a person inside me flipping around.

I promise (really) to put up a new picture, soon. I haven't taken one in a while, and I haven't been home to upload anything anyway. The family was duly impressed by my girth, and everyone is letting me know none-too-subltly that they thing I'm going to be enormous. Thanks, guys. I did get some nice new maternity clothes that should do me through to the end, including a couple of really nice blousy shirts, long sleeved t-shirts, comfy sweaters, a pair of pants, and a set of matching mom-and-baby pjs. How cute is that? They're non-gender specific too, just teddy bears, so it's a go either way. We also got some crib sheets, blankets, a jolly jumper, and a carrier. Add that to a stroller / infant car seat and a high chair, a vibrating bouncy chair thingy and a whack of clothes and things from Grant's uncle and his girlfriend, who have a 3 month old and are just packing and sending our way everything that he outgrows, and we're on our way to being set. There's definitely a lot of stuff left that we need, but I feel good about what we have so far. I may actually have to register somewhere, but that takes a lot of work, so I'll more likely just make a list of have and have-nots for any among you who like to buy us things. The only other 'big-ticket' item we need is a crib, and I'm honestly not sure what else you're supposed to get, other than lots of sleepers and things. I suppose a car seat for later on, but that'll be, well, later on.

Anyway, enough of that, I'm pretty tired, last night having been new years and all. I had a wild party! Or, obviously, not. I did stay up until about 3 though, and then get up at about 9 for some strange reason, so I'm pretty sleepy now. I'm glad to be back to my bed with my body pillows too, they make sleeping much more comfy.

funny lady

I'm just watching Leah Remini on Ellen, and she's darn funny. The last time she was on the show, she was like 9 months pregnant. She was talking about how she just didn't enjoy being pregnant, and she felt bad telling people that, because everyone loves being pregnant, unless you're really sick. People would ask her, and she'd say no, not loving it, and they'd be like, oh, is it a hard pregnancy? No, not really. I look like Shrek, my legs are like tree trunks, I'm enormous. She said her biggest fear was going into labour early and not having shaved. Ellen said that really not having shaved legs wasn't that big a deal, and Leah said well, legs and other parts, and then went on to explain how it really is hard to shave those other parts because there are things in the way etc. She said it's inconsiderate of women who know they're going to go into labour soon-ish to not clean themselves up a little bit. I think that's pretty funny. I think the doctors have probably seen enough awful things that the average hairy bird isn't going to phase them all that much. You never know though.

mmm, blood test

and a urine test too, actually. I went for my glucose tolerance test, which wasn't actually too bad. I didn't have to fast, but I did have to wait, then drink a very, very sweet (think McD's orange drink with double the sugar) concoction, then wait another hour, then have my blood drawn. Whee!

After my saying that the baby was having no impact on my sleep, I woke up early this morning and could not get back to sleep, because my little acrobat / kickboxer was wide awake. Interesting. S/he settled down though, and all was well.

I've been asked by 2 total strangers when I'm due, so I guess there's really no mistaking what's happening at this point. Even if I saw me though, I don't think I'd ask that, because you just never know. I've heard horror stories about people who have asked, and been told, 'I'm not pregnant...', which would just be awful for everyone involved. Maybe I'll get some shirts that say like, 'bun in oven' or something. Should clear everything up.

Anyway, that's about it. I have some cleaning up around here to do before I leave for Fredericton on Wednesday, because we'll be going basically straight to Halifax from there on Friday, and I don't want to come home to a big mess after our little holiday. Nothing too exciting, I'm afraid.

100 days!

not that it's an exact science or anything, but *wow*, 100 days is not very long, even if it's just sort of in the vicinity of when the baby is planning on making his/her appearance.

also, how come nobody else has joined the expectnet pool? you guys are boring.

update? not really

sorry, there's just not really anything going on! I'm getting bigger, I'll take a new picture this weekend. I'm going to get Grant to take a couple, since he'll probably be able to get better angles than I can working with my arm's reach and a mirror. Maybe we'll take a picture of the 2 (3) of us by the Christmas tree. Baby's first Christmas! Sort of...haha.

I'm chaperoning the school semi-formal tomorrow, and am very excited because I'm only doing the first half, and I acutally have a dress to wear. I have a really pretty top I could wear if it were a grown-up party, but it's strapless and not entirely appropriate for high school dance chaperoning. My sister's friend loaned me some maternity clothes, and one piece is this very cute black dress. I need to get some tights; I think I'll just get giant sized regular ones, the maternity ones are too pricey. I also might get a red ribbon to replace the cinching tie that's in the dress right now, I think that would be pretty festive. I'll take a picture of myself, maybe. I need a tripod, and to figure out how to focus on myself when I want to be farther away than arm's length. Any ideas?

In other news, I have less than 2 months of teaching time left. 3 weeks of semester 1 to finish up after Christmas, which really only matters for exams and the one class that's ending. Then I teach for 5 more weeks, minus a couple of days for marking / turnaround in between there, and that's it. How crazy is that? Fairly. Then, a few short weeks until the bean arrives. How crazy is *that*? Very.

I have to go to bed now. I'm doing alright sleeping, but if I wake up sleeping on my back it's uncomfortable. Especially if it's early in the morning when the baby is moved up toward my lungs more, it's kind of squishing things and not comfy. (sidebar: in general, I seem to be 'carrying high', which althogh my list down the page a bit says it's a girl, every person I've talked to has told me it means boy, including people actually saying 'look how high you're carrying that boy!'. If I lie down, I can feel the fundus (I'm not going to explain what that is, because it's more fun for you to wonder or look it up for yourselves) right under the centre of my ribcage. I get kicks in the ribs sometimes, which just feels really weird.) Sleeping on my side is decent, but I have to switch. I seem to like my right side best, but my right hip gets sore if I spend too much time on that side at a stretch. I'm not having any problems with the baby keeping me up, although s/he is quite active. I think maybe I'm so used to being walked all over by the kitties, that the internal beatings don't disturb my sleep too much. I'm not sure how long this peaceful resting will last though, if the baby stays this active as s/he grows, it's going to be like having a mambo dance competition in there sometimes.

I was going to bed, right? Yes, ok.

fashion tip

I just have to tell you, ponchos are the way to go. I got 2, they're fantastic. Comfy, non-restraining, super fun. And maybe it's because I've got the bump happening, but it's really cute.

that is all.

just joking. I've got an online baby pool going over at expectnet, that you are all welcome to join in on. You have to guess date, time, and gender. Good luck! There's no money involved, just bragging rights I guess.

fun with folklore

so, although we have a suspicion that we saw certain boy-parts on the ultrasound screen, they won't tell us, and if I'm to believe any of the myths surrounding 'how to tell', then I'm definitely having a girl.

chinese calender = girl

You're more likely to be having a girl if…

• Your baby's heartbeat is faster than 140 beats per minute

• you're carrying all round

• you're carrying high

• you suffered morning sickness during your first twelve weeks

• your left breast is bigger than your right

• you're asked to show your hands and you present them palms up

• you combine your age at the time of conception with the number of the month you conceived and the resulting number is odd

• the hair on your legs has been growing slower during pregnancy

There are some other ones too, but as far as which side I sleep on, it varies, and hasn't changed. I don't have any really strong cravings, but I go mostly for sweet stuff, which again, is normal for me. I'll keep you posted though, and / or you can wait until the end of March and find out for sure.

shh, I'm supposed to be at work!

well, not really. I took the morning off for an appointment, and it's lunchtime now, so I figure I'll eat here rather than dragging a bunch of stuff to school. My appointment, as expected, was rather uneventful. I asked her about a few things that have been going on with me, the B-H contractions, and I've had some numbness / tingling / ouch in the side of my leg, which is apparently a nerve that gets pinched as your back curves into a most unnatural state. I go for my glucose screening test next week, but I think secretly I'm going to wait until the next week, assuming the clinic is still open, because then I don't have to take time off work. Which is good. My dizzy spells are due to low blood pressure, which won't really improve until after the pregnancy. Today it was 90/60, I thought one of those numbers was supposed to be a 3-digit? Ah well. And there's nothing I can do about any of that stuff, so I'll just grin and bear it. And bitch about it on here. hehe.

One thing she did say that confused me a bit, was that they were going to stick with my original date of April 1st, rather than the u/s date of March 26th. This makes no sense to me, why change back? I don't like my doctor, lol. I was told that the u/s dating is generally much more accurate than the remembering when your last period was, so I may just stick with that date anyway. Or split the difference. It's only a week, so we'll just have to wait and see! Either way, things are coming quickly. Grant and I actually thought of a name, independently, that we both like, so that's pretty exciting. I'm not telling anyone what it is, because people offer very unhelpful comments, I've learned. Because you know what, unless you can think of some horrible nickname, I don't need to know about all the weirdos you know / knew with that name. I've had to rule out many names already because of that reason myself, teaching puts you in touch with all kinds of monsters with cool names. You'll all find out soon enough anyway!

booky book books

I'm up to my ears! Well, not really. I've read the Mayo Clinic Complete Guide to Pregnancy and Baby's First Year (and yes, the book is as overwhelming as the title, I haven't actually *read* it all, just the important thus far bits), The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, and Knocked Up: Confessions of a Modern Mother-to-be. I've now gotten myself The Mother of all Baby Books, and Cool Names for Babies, which does actually have cool names for babies.

Also, I realised today how very little time I have left at school, and as a non-mom, for that matter. 2.5 weeks of class left before Christmas break, 3 weeks after that before exams, then a month of semester 2, and I'm done like dinner. Yipes! That's assuming everything goes on schedule, which apparently it doesn't always.

I had what I assume was a Braxton Hicks contraction the other day, it was strange. It just felt like things got really tight and tensed up in my abdominal area, so I put my hand on my belly, and it was rock hard, but then the whole thing went away after a minute. Interesting. It's always relatively firm, like abs of steel, but this was like, tabletop hard. Apparently it's very normal any time after midway through, and they're painless. So no worries!

giant, alien baby

hopefully not alien, but definitely giant and doing its best to escape via my bellybutton. I was on the phone with my preggo friend, lying on my back on the bed, and the bean is moving around a bit, and then I see, yes, *see*, this like, something trying to escape just under my bellybutton. It was very strange to see and feel and the same time, that was a first. I can definitely feel from the outside now, but it's still very unpredictable as to whereabouts and timing, so it's more luck than anything when I do happen to have my hand in the right place.

I have no real other news, and I'm pretty starvin marvin, so that's it for now. My next dr. appt is next Tuesday. I'm hoping they'll go over the ultrasound results with me, and I'm just going to take the morning off, because it's too stressful to be running late (because my dr. is running late) and trying to get back to school for 2nd period. As long as I only have to go once a month, I can swing the morning off. I don't want to do it more than that though, it's so much work to have a supply teacher.

really, really flattering pictures

just kidding! I figured you might like to see front on pictures of me, for some reason. The first one is from Nov 9th, the second is from Nov 23rd. There's been some significant enlargement in the meantime, it seems.



My mom and sister are coming up tomorrow, and there's talk of cheesecake. I'm pretty excited. Also, they're going to see the play I'm co-directing, so that should be fun. It's pretty funny, in a totally inappropriate way. Which is extra funny, because it's a bunch of nuns.

who needs feet?

well, thankfully, I haven't experienced any of the nasty swelling of the extremities that my books warned me about. I did, however, notice today that when I stand up straight and look down, I can no longer see my feet. Fun!

I'm going to update the picture, I've just been so freaking busy with the play that I haven't had time to anything, let alone take pictures of myself. Tonight though, I think.

Not much else new, feeling more movement, and Grant got to feel it this weekend, which was pretty neat. He was all excited. I'm excited too, as are the girls in the play / my theatre arts class. And not that I'm counting, but I am, and there are 18 school days until break, and 63 school days until I go on mat leave. Crazy eh? I'm not like, super anxious for that, because I know everything will change and so on, but I'm pretty excited. I'm 5 months! I'm over half done! Also, I went to Gap Kids on the weekend, and the stuff is just...so...cute. I can't buy anything though, because it's all pretty clearly boy or girl, and I'm not so much clear on which I'm having.

winterizing

hey. I need a new winter coat, soonish. I'm hesitant to buy one, because I don't like spending money on boring things like that, and I figure maybe somebody out there has one they can loan me? Let me know. I (heart) my yellow coat, but it's really not going to do up for much longer. Frigging giant baby! lol.

food for thought

Studies by Dr. Miriam Labbok, director of the breastfeeding division at Georgetown University Medical Center, indicate that the U.S. could save $2 billion to $4 billion each year in health costs if all mothers breastfeed their newborns for at least the first three months. Here are a few more reasons to consider breastfeeding:
* There is strong evidence that breastfeeding reduces the incidence of diarrhea, lower-respiratory infection, ear infections, urinary tract infections, bacterial meningitis, Crohn's Disease, colitis and other diseases (American Academy of Pediatrics).
* Studies have shown that breastfed babies have significantly higher IQs (about eight points) than their formula-fed counterparts.
* There may be a link to a decreased incidence of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome among breastfed babies.
* Numerous benefits to mothers include a reduced risk of ovarian and breast cancers, as well as a lower incidence of hip fractures during the post-menopausal period

hello in there

so I've been feeling more movement lately, which is pretty fun. I can't really describe it, but I'm not sure I agree completely with the fluttering / gas bubbles description. It basically feels like there's some tiny person in there who's rolling around and occasionally poking me. When I went for my ultrasound, it was like he was doing acrobatics, flipping and rolling.

Sidebar: I've decided to stick to one pronoun, rather than the she / he or it thing, it's just simpler.

I'm growing daily, as is the bean though, so it makes sense. I'm exactly halfway along though, which is pretty exciting. Not much else going on though, I go for another appointment on Tuesday, and I'm hoping / assuming she's going to go over the u/s stuff with me. Short week at school again due to Remembrance Day and more PD, which is good, because I'm not getting any less tired. It was my understanding that basically all the sypmtoms of pregnancy went away during this middle trimester. It appears I was misinformed, or, more likely, that like all things about pregnancy, nothing applies to everyone. I'm still tired, and it's not getting any better because I'm not sleeping really well; I wake up with sore hips if I'm lying on one side too long, but I'm not supposed to lie on my back anymore, so I haven't quite figured out what to do there. If I prop myself up with pillows on both sides, I do alright, but then there's not much room for Grant that way. I'm also still a bit gaggy, and my boobs, while roughly one million times better than they were, are still sore.

that's all my bitching for now, but I'll let you know when I have more!

results

awww, isn't s/he cute??



lol.

so, the measurements for Jr. (just the one Jr., thank goodness...) put me at 19 weeks 5 days, exactly a week ahead of where I thought I was, so on Saturday I'm half cooked! Everything looked good to me, but I'll admit I don't have a sweet clue what I was looking for. No extra heads or limbs, everything in the right place. Anyway, all in all very exciting, looks like I have a little acrobat in there, should be interesting when I get a little further along...

ultrasound day!

it seems like it's been coming for so long, I can't believe it's actually November 4th today. I assume most of you know the rest of my news, for full detes, check out the regular blog.

Anyway, so I'm going to pee as much as possible this morning, and drink as little as possible, until 11, at which point I must drink 1L of water. That's a lot. And then not pee until after my u/s, which is at 12:30. I called to verify the appointment time, and I had a couple of other questions, like can I drink juice instead of water? and how long is the u/s anyway? but the woman hung up on me. Bitch. So, I'll see how adventurous I'm feeling, I can't see how it's going to matter if I drink water or juice or chocolate milk for that matter, though drinking a litre of chocolate milk quickly seems to be inviting trouble.

So, obviously, I'll keep you posted, if you don't hear from me today, assume I guess that there's nothing too exciting to report, but I'll let you know soon-ish either way.

pop!

just like that.



freaky.

So, obviously I'm completely out of my 'real' clothes and into maternity wear. This all happened very suddenly, I'm not even really sure when. I went shopping with my preggo friend, and got some really nice things at Thyme, and also picked up a pair of decently cool jeans at WalMart...I really didn't find *anything* else there worth looking at, but Thyme is full of very nice, and very pricey things. The pannely clothes get some snickers from my dear loved ones, so I'm staying away from those for now, since they're really designed for later on anyway.

Not much else going on, hence the lack of updates. I go for my ultrasound on the 4th, which is actually pretty close now, so I'm pretty excited. I'm still feeling big for where I'm supposed to be (17 weeks and 2 days) so I'm still curious to see what they will have to say. Grant's going to come down, I think my mom wants to come up too, so I'll have to see if I'm allowed more than one person in the room or not.

That's about it, I've been super busy with school and the play and everything. When these next few weeks are over, I'll be very, very happy.

new bras, fat pants, and damn, that fit last week...

I finally broke down and bought new bras. I only got 2, and only 2 because it was buy one get one for $5, so I might as well. Effing expensive. Effing went up a whole cup size since about 2 months ago when I bought like, 4 new bras that I now can't wear. Nice. Have begun to more regularly wear the non-panel maternity pants and skirt that I have, and I'm pretty happy about how comfy I am when I do that. I'm really actually looking forward to when I have enough of a belly to justify maternity tops, because they are damn cute, and I have several. For now I'm just looking slightly plump in my regular sweaters. I put on a skirt that I wore quite comfortably last week, because apparently I had actually lost weight since...I think it was last fall/winter that I bought it. Anyway, it still fits, but won't do me for much longer. Ah, the joys!

interesting

I'm too big for 15 weeks, according to my books and my Dr., who I finally saw and is very nice. She said the possibilities (both of which are unlikely, but it has to be one) are that I'm more like 17 weeks (unlikely because I had very regular cycles, and would have been on my period when I should have been conceiving, 15 weeks ago) or that it's twins. She could only find one heartbeat, she thinks, but it's near impossible to tell, because she could find it in more than one place. So, until the ultrasound now, I have something else to scratch my head about. Either way it'll change things, when I'll have to leave school and such, so I'm decidedly anxious to find out. Poor Grant may have a heart attack if I tell him it could be twins, lol. I'll stick to the 'giant baby' theory for now.

updates

well, according to most of the myths about determining the sex of the baby, I'm having a girl. My right boob is bigger, the heart rate is over 140 (144-150), the Chinese calendar says it's a girl, and I had morning sickness. The rest of them I'm not far enough along yet to test out. Good to know, eh? Fun to guess, I suppose, and kind of puts the pressure on to find some good girl names. All the ones I had thought of are really popular right now, so I'm hesitant to use them. I was always one of 3-4 Sarahs in my classes, so I'd like to give this little one a name that's not too crazy or something she'll have to spell her entire life, but something that 4 of her closest friends won't have.
suggestions?

holy cow!

I found the heartbeat and took a pretty funny picture of myself lying down, when all the, let's say, naturally occuring bumps and lumps melt away, and I am left with only this...

so, obviously the Doppler works, and I'm just so, so excited.

mmm, fat pants

I wore maternity pants today. They're fantastic. They're not the old, panelly kind, they have an adjustable waistband thing, so I tightened them up and wore a belt, and they were still about a zillion times more comfy than my 'normal' pants. I don't have a tonne of those kind of clothes though, so I may just be wearing the same pants every day. Nothing wrong with that.

I got a Doppler today (thanks girls!). I got another one last Monday, but unfortunately it didn't work properly, so I sent it back and the very nice lady sent me out a new one, with a note attached apologising for the inconvenience, and she also sent me extra gel to use with it, I assume because one of the times I was talking to her I expressed concern about using too much or not enough, and not having enough in the little tube to use the Doppler often. So I'll try that out tonight, and let you know how it goes. I very remarkably did *not* freak out when the first one didn't work, but after I tried to hear my own heart while pointing the wandy thing right AT my heart, and it was only moderately loud, I figured there was no way it was going to pick up tiny baby sounds.

That's all my news, but if this does work tonight, I'm going to go ahead and tell work, which will make it easier to ask for next Tuesday morning off for my appointment.

boo!

my pants don't fit.

I tried on 3 pairs of cords this morning, because I wanted to wear this specific sweater, and they all are too small. One pair laughed right out loud at me when I put them on, they didn't even come close to fitting. 2 pairs would do up, but there's no way I could sit down or even stand for the whole day like that. So I picked the lesser of the 2 evil pants, and walked around with my button undone for the whole day. Classy. What the hell do I wear now? Maternity clothes are way too big, but my nice, fitted clothes, are too small. Tops are fine, bras are a bit small, but bottoms are posing a serious problem.

whee!

I start a lot of posts that way.

2nd trimester, here I come! That's pretty exciting. I still haven't told work, because I'm still waiting for my appointment. It better be one hell of an appointment, I tell ya. I'm hoping to get some sort of like, confirmation, set my mind at ease a bit. And I know I'll feel better when I can tell work too. 2 more weeks.

better?

I don't seem to feel tooooo nauseated anymore, so I'm hopeful that things are going to start improving overall. The only real 'symptom' of pregnancy in the 2nd trimester is the ... well, being pregnant. The whole, no periods, getting fatter part. But the discomfort of nausea and sore boobs etc is supposed to go away. I'll keep you posted. That would be a good birthday present though! My bday is Sunday, at which point I'll be 3 months, so I'll be telling a few people I haven't gotten around to telling yet. Still holding off on telling school, at least until I have my dr. appt. After that, I'll have to let them know what's up, because I'll be needing to take a morning off a month for appointments, and I don't really want to use sick time if I don't have to.

fun stuff

check out the super cute counter-downy thingamajobber at the bottom of the page. 192 days to go! That's a lot. But not really. Hmm.

semi-useful appointment

but not terribly. She did schedule me for my prenatal classes, and give me a tour of the labour / delivery part of the hospital, which is refreshingly not scary hospital room-y. I got a bunch of information, but none of it is very useful for right now, more for say, when I actually have a baby to breastfeed and / or put in a carseat.

Happy 12 weeks to me!

I have a cold, which I always do this time of year with the weather changing and whatnot. It's extra fun this year though, because I can't take a thing for it. Really. I usually handle things during the day with Advil cold and sinus, and knock myself out with a Neocitrin at night. No such luck for the pregnant among us, those things are very much off limits. As are all cold remedies. Seriously. Good times. So, I've taken 2 Tylenol over the past couple of days to relieve the headache part, which works, but my head is still full of crap, so doesn't work entirely. T-4 weeks until my 'real' dr appt. man, time is not flying.

tired and fat

good times. Work is so hard. Laugh all you want, but going back after a vacation is hard enough, and combined with the fact that I'm exhaustd most of the time anyway, it's not a good scene. My stomach is gradually getting...thicker. It's highly annoying. I don't have much to report still, my ultrasound has been booked, it's November 4th, which is a Thursday, at noon. Could it be a less convenient time? No. So, I'll probably just take the day, because it takes a while, I'd have to take some of the morning and the afternoon off anyway, so whatev. Also, I was told I have to drink 4-6 glasses of water an hour and a half beforehand, which is a lot, and 1.5 hours is a long time. I'll drink a glass of water and have to pee like, 30 minutes later. I'm not sure how this is going to work. Then they're going to be pushing on my poor full bladder with the thingy. Ouch! I need to know if I really need to drink that much, and how big these glasses are supposed to be.

I'm done 11 weeks now, into my 12th. I figure in another week, week and a half, I'll feel better. I have an appointment with a nurse at the hospital on Wednesday next week, she's going to give me some info, some classes I can take, ask me some stuff, and show me around the maternity ward etc. Should be good, at least it's something to do until October. I'm very anxious for someone to just look at me and say yes, you are pregnant, you're this far along, everything is going swimmingly. 4 more weeks until that.

yes, loyal fans, I'm still here

but so busy! Here's an update from Babycentre:

Your baby has tiny fingernails now and the ability to kick, swallow, and move. That's quite impressive for someone who's only the size of a lipstick case. That will change soon; within the next few weeks, your featherweight child should double in size. You may notice your clothes getting tighter as your uterus is now almost big enough to fill your pelvis.

That last part is true, and I'll tell ya, I'm not happy! Hardly seems fair to not be showing, but to just be getting fat. lol. I'll manage, I'm sure.

Not too much to report, I'm very tired, but have been getting up a lot earlier than I'm used to now, since going back to work. I may have to tell them sooner than later, or at least one of the vps, because I'm in charge of the drama productions, whee! but don't want to agree to do a spring production knowing full well that I won't be around to see it through. The vp I'd have to tell, obviously, is / was the drama guy before becoming vp halfway through last year.

that's it!

lies

just my opinion, but First Reponse says that there is such a thing as a little bit pregnant, and they can tell you if you are. I'd like to say no, on both counts. You either are, or you're not, let's face it. And I took their test 4 days before I was expecting my period (they say they can test 5 days before) and it was a resounding negatory. Clearly, I was pregnant at that point. So, read the fine print, it's something like 50% accurate early on, so really, save yourself the $10, don't go on any drug / alcohol binges, and wait until you're actually a day or 2 late before you test. You'll save money and frustration. And possibly some brain cells.

gross

so, symptoms are not yet improving. I made it all the way to yesterday without actually barfing, but that was as far as my winning streak was meant to go. The thing with feeling nauseated constantly, is that when you really have to throw up, it sort of sneaks up on you. I was in the shower. That's just gross. I know, it could have been worse, I could have been like, in my car, or in the mall, but it was still gross. I just wanted to share that with you. I felt like crap the rest of the day. Today I woke up feeling really good, but am back to feeling really gross again, so nibbling on a pb foldy and sipping chocolate milk, because that usually makes me feel better.

now you know.

in better news, I found out that a good friend of mine is also pregnant, just about a week behind me, so that's fantastic. She's here in the same city as me, so we can hopefully go to some classes together and stuff, and just have each other to say, oh, yeah, I have that too...we're both feeling much the same at this stage. I invite you all to go ahead and get knocked up, and we can all go through this together. I'm pretty sure the grossness is going to stop soon, hopefully in a couple of weeks. My main hope is just that I don't start barfing regularly at all, because that's just not practical for work. Plus, I was hoping not to tell them right away, but my stealthiness could be thrown off by daily vomiting. Wish me luck!

week 9 down, week 10 here we come

So I actually got to do something productive today, in relation to being pregnant. I went for some blood test, just routine pre-natal stuff I guess. They're testing for like, syphillis and HIV, mmm, and also rubella immunity and some other stuff that I couldn't decode on the little order sheet. 4 vials, that's enough knowledge for me. I won't have my first prenatal checkup until October 12th, which is annoying, but apparently normal, so whatever. I'll be 15 weeks by then. Seems a bit late for the first checkup, but she said if I came in earlier, all they would do was order blood tests and schedule an ultrasound, which is already being taken care of. That should be mid-October as well; I'm looking forward to that.

That's all my news, I couldn't eat before my blood tests so now I am starvin marvin, and also tired because I got up early to go so it wouldn't be so bad not eating beforehand.

coming up on week 9

time is FLYING. I know I said that not too long ago, but it really is. It's been 4 weeks since I found out I'm pregnant, and I have no idea where that time has gone. I've told everyone who's really close to me now, and obviously Grant's entire family and town knows because that's what happens in small towns / big families.

still feeling gross most of the time, and sadly for you I can't find any info on how big my uterus is nowadays. lol. bigger, I guess! I'm having some occasional cramps / twinges that I am of course taking as good signs. It sure does help to be reading about all this stuff though. I think the part I'm finding the weirdest, for some reason, is that everything that's supposed to happen, is happening. It's comforting in a way, but also strange to know exactly what's going to happen to me.

general silliness

I'm here by myself, the first of many days to come, and thinking of stuff. I've decided on Ella Rose for a girl and Oliver Robert for a boy. Not that it's entirely my decision, and I'm sure I'll change my mind before the time comes, but if it were born today, that would be her/his name.

fun stuff.

man (day 56)

uneventful dr. appt. I've been referred to an ob/gyn, which is good, but I just figured my family dr. would be taking care of me. I'm getting referred to a new lady dr. though, so that's good. I don't mind men, but I'm a little more comfortable with women doctors, just because I've always had them. So, waiting on the appointment times for that. I have to go have some bloodwork done, apparently routine; I'll go next week because I'm going with Grant's mom to an appointment in the same building.

Telling Grant's parents went swimmingly. It's funny how much we worry, and then everyone just ends up being surprised, but then happy for us and excited about being grandparents. I feel bad for not having told Erin yet, but I want to tell her in person, not like, on messenger. I'll see her this weekend, so that's excellent.

So, not much going on that's new, week 9 starts tomorrow. wow! Time is flying, maybe just because it's summer. School tends to fly by too.

my parents, down

well, they're fine actually, but the telling of them is done. I told them Sunday night, and didn't really break it to them all that gracefully, but in the end, we're all ok. They do, as expected, want us to get married, but I just don't know. I do, we do want to get married, but I'm not sure the shotgun-style is really how I want to remember my special day. Also, since I don't get time off, we'd have to do it on a weekend with no possibility of honeymooning (no thanks) or at Christmas or March break. Christmas, sure, but that's not a tonne of time to plan. March break I'll be 8+ months along, and probably not feeling much like going anywhere. We had planned, loosely, on going away somewhere, and I think we'd like to stick to that. I'll talk to my parents some more, and Grant's parents of course, but I don't want to get married just to be married. That's not the right reason. The baby will still have Grant's last name right away, so it'll just be me doing the catching up. Which is fine.

Anyway, so I'm a little relieved, I still have to tell my sister, I think my mom is going to tell my Grannie, and then there's Grant's family. Wish me luck! It's so different like this than it would be in a couple of years, if we were married and say, working permanent jobs in the same city.

yipes

so, I'm at the cottage, just me and my parents. Just me and my dad actually, right now. Mom went to a friend's 50th on the Island, and will be back later today. Anyway, obviously I haven't told them. I'm going to, I just haven't figured out how. I've been doing fairly well with not throwing up or anything, and since mom wasn't here last night she didn't notice that I wasn't drinking Mike's like I normally do. I ran some errands with Dad yesterday, we went to the Pork Shop and I had to try very hard not to barf on the nice people there. Nausea is coming and going, but it's definitely made worse by smells and / or thinking about food that's unappealing. Last time I was here, a few weeks back I guess since I didn't know at that point I was pregnant, we had a huge feed of ribs. Dad made them again for us last night and I ate 3. The 3rd one was very tricky. I ate all my salad, I seem to do much better with things like salad, sandwiches, soup. Real meals are still not holding any appeal, along with a lot of food. I can't say that I'm craving any specific foods so much as just trying to figure out what it is that I can eat that will make me feel good. Eating does help the nausea, but it's hard to find foods that aren't gross right now. Tonight we're having salmon and beets, and hopefully cucumber salad. Ordinarily, honestly, my favourite summer meal. Today, not so sure.

Things are still a bit tense at home, we're really trying to figure out how this is going to work. It's looking like the best plan is going to be me moving up to Fredericton in April, once I have the baby, and then most likely staying there. Assuming Grant is still working there, doing well and liking it. It does pose problems though, if he rents a place for now, he'll most likely get stuck in a year lease, and he'll be renting with somebody else. I doubt somebody else is going to be too pleased with me and an infant moving in come spring. We'll see.

So, as I said at the get-go here, I still have to tell my parents. I'm figuring this afternoon or evening. How exactly does one broach that subject? So...guess what! Dah. I'll let you know how it goes.

On a side note, my mom really wants us to get married. She's stopped being subtle about it. She figures if we can afford to live together, we can afford to be married. I told her it's not the *being* married, it's the *getting* that's the issue, these things cost money. She said, as if this should have been clear to me, that she and my dad would pay for the wedding. Good news. She said not like $100k or anything, (as if I'd want that, ack), but yeah. I told her I'd pass that along.

ho hum

day...I have no idea. 46 I think. Not much to report, and I can't see that there will be for a while. I feel like ass and am pretty tired. I've nearly vomited in my car and on the checkout guy at Superstore. I haven't actually been sick yet, which I guess is good because barfing is really awful.

check out the alien baby. very bizarre, but pretty cool too.

according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, I'm going to have a girl. Definitely have to wait that one out, since they don't tell you which it is here. I read it wrong and thought it was a boy first, which freaked me out, because I have this (totally irrational, I'm sure) idea that girl babies are for some reason easier to take care of.

mmm, symptoms (day 42)

my boobs are sore, I feel like barfing, and my pee is neon yellow from these crazy prenatal vitamins I'm taking.

the joy of pregnancy!

Day 40

I keep having to re-count to see how many days it is. I'm starting to have a bit of nausea, which isn't too fun, but is tolerable. 2 weeks until I go see my Dr. I wish they had been able to get me in a bit sooner, but with summer being busy and them going on vacation, they just couldn't. I'm actually a little glad that I'm starting to feel some of the 'normal' symptoms, because I just wasn't really feeling anything, and it was weird. It's still weird feeling something, because it really just still doesn't feel real, and I don't know that it will until I start to show. I think the Dr visit will help a bit, she'll be able to tell me if everything is going along as it should be, I'll be almost 8 weeks at that point, so there should be some noticeable changes for her to see / feel.